


In Need of a Nanny

by Six_Lily_Petals



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Nanny, Anal Sex, Canonical Character Death, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Smut, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, Possible smut, Sex Toys, Single Parents, Voyeurism, child mages
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-29
Updated: 2017-03-21
Packaged: 2018-08-11 19:13:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 44,634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7904368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Six_Lily_Petals/pseuds/Six_Lily_Petals
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: "AU in which Fenris is a super busy single parent with a demanding corporate job. He hires Anders as a babysitter and feels so grateful every time he comes home and he’s there taking care of things. Eventually he realizes he’s developing feelings for the babysitter."</p><p><b>So, I mostly followed it:</b><br/>Fenris is a high powered CEO with a rigid schedule to keep his life in order after the death of his wife, Marian Hawke.  His only motivation is to care for his twin sons.  </p><p>Four years after her death, the twins display their mage abilities, taking after their mother.  After being rejected by every Circle in the city, Fenris resorts to hiring a mage 'criminal' to be his children's live-in nanny and mage tutor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Left Alone

Fenris fisted his hand and the thick paper crumpled.  He didn’t know why, but he had wanted it to hurt, wanted it to cut into his hand.  Maker, he wanted to feel anything but this.

Not this.

A sobbing wail was ripped from his chest as he slumped to his knees on the floor.  His entire body shook as he howled.  Curled into a ball, he wrapped his arms around himself.  He felt like a spent grenade – impossibly tiny pieces of shrapnel everywhere.  He held tight, trying to keep all the pieces together.  He had to keep it together….

_…regret to inform you that Marian Hawke died while in service to the Inquisition.  The singularly distinctive accomplishments of Marian Hawke ensured…_

As though those ‘accomplishments’ fucking mattered to Fenris.  She was his wife and those two sentences would never patch up the void her death created. 

Eyes stinging, cheeks sore, he choked on simple breaths of air. 

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.  They had plans dammit!  They were going to visit the sea when she got back.  What was he supposed to do now?  The corners of his mouth trembled from the strain of his mourning.  He couldn’t even curse the Maker like this.  All he wanted to do was to take his anger out on someone or something.  The first thought that crossed his mind was to set fire to the apartment.  Burn everything that reminded him of her.  He couldn’t bear it.  Everything she had touched hurt him to be near. 

A tiny hand came to rest on his leg.  Little Malcolm smiled up at him, he’d learned to walk, but he still preferred to crawl most times.  Iovro was right behind him, standing over his brother and babbling incoherently. 

They would never know their mother.

Fenris covered his face to scream. 

This wasn’t fair.  IT JUST WASN'T FAIR!!

The boys came closer.  They were more curious at the new sound their father made than in an attempt to comfort him. 

Fenris was frightened.  How could he do this?  He feared touching them considering his dark thoughts only moments ago.

Malcolm smiled up at him, his coo producing precious little spit bubbles.  Needing to feel something, Fenris swept them up in his arms, tucking them close to his chest. 

He had to be strong, for them.  There was no time to feel sorry for himself.  There was no time to hate the Inquisition.  Two little people depended on him and only him.  He couldn’t fall apart now.

“Oh, Hawke.”  Saying her name burned, his throat having gone hoarse from his fitful cries.  “I…”

_I can’t do this._

_Why did you leave me?_

_I can’t handle this on my own._

_What do I do?_

The squirming toddlers in his arms anchored his thoughts.  He drew back to look at their faces.  They were dirty.

“Alright.  First, a bath.”

That was the first task.  The next task was to dress them.  The third task was to notify his lawyer, the banks, their friends, change the names on the vehicles….

No. 

Stop.

Third task - call the lawyer.

Fourth task - call the bank.

One step at a time, Fenris slowly, delicately, began his life as a widower. 

 

~*~

 

“If you thought the last one was bad, read this one.”  Fenris handed Varric another rejection letter.  He had twelve total.  Each one with their own fancy script and gold foil seals, yet the wording beneath all that pomp said the same thing – we don’t want your kind.  “It is unbelievable that my money is insufficient for these people.”

“I never thought I’d see the day.  Even the Chantry schools turned you down?  Broody, you do know you have to bribe them, right?” 

“Of course I do!”  Fenris snapped with greater vehemence than he had intended, but the stress was getting to him.  He could ill afford any more days off from work.  “They refused.  A single parent does not present the proper image of an ideal Chantry family.

“You could always just marry someone…”  When Fenris hissed at him, Varric quickly changed tracks, “Okay, okay!  So not that.”

Propping his elbows on the desk, Fenris let his head fall into his hands.  What was he going to do?  Not only was he a single parent, but both his boys began to show signs of being mages. 

Marian would have been thrilled.

Fenris was drowning.  Work had tripled since his promotion.  He’d tried a few babysitters but none of them worked out.  All of the women from the temp agency spent most of their time trying to seduce Fenris and his wallet instead of actually caring for his children.  Now that they were old enough to attend a school, all of the programs with the best ratings refused admittance.  A single non-mage parent with mage children was considered too risky on top of being ‘non-traditional’ in the eyes of the Chantry, despite the fact he was a widower and not one by choice. 

One hand fell heavy on the desk in defeat, revealing one eye, he pleaded for help.  “Varric, what is to be done?”

Fenris had Varric over socially from time to time, but their relationship had begun on business grounds.  Specifically, acquiring things that were rare and hard to find.

The shrewd dwarf scratched at his smooth chin and hummed to himself, “I’ll need to work on this.”  He sat silently, his mind a thousand miles away.  Fenris held his breath, clinging to the hope that Varric would work his unique fine dwarven craft of pulling shit out of his hairy ass.

Eventually, Varric pulled out his cell and began tapping through it with complete focus.  He rose without a word and made it to the front door of the apartment before he thought to say anything, “I think I may have something for you.  Unconventional, but you’re used to that right?”

A wink, and then he was gone.

A distinct cry sounded from the other room - something precious had been taken.  Funny how certain crisis had specific cries.  Fenris left the table of untouched food to fix the situation. 

The boys had been cute when they began to talk at two.  Adorable when they strung together sentences at three, and at four years old, they were too inquisitive and mischievous for their own good. 

“But papa, I didn’t take it!”

“Iovro.”  Fenris dropped his tone to a practiced level of admonishment appropriate for the crime.  “Drop the barrier.  It will be mine until the two of you remember how to share.”

“Told you.”  Malcolm mumbled under his breath. 

“No sass from you either.  Off to the bathroom, it is time to wash up.”  Fenris guided them towards the hallway with the tips of his fingers at their backs.  He readied the tub for them, bubbles and all.  “Alright, you get ten minutes then it’s bedtime.”

“I don’t want to go to bed!”

“Ah-ah.  Malcolm, none of that.  You should not be fussy right before bed.”  Fenris set the timer on his phone and set it on the counter where the boys could see.  Once he left the bathroom he slowed his pace in the hallway as the twins talked candidly, thinking out of sight was the same as out of earshot.

“Do you think if we had a mom we could stay up later?”

“Is that what moms do?”

“They do what papas don’t do.”

“I wish our mama was here.”

Fenris pressed a hand to his chest and bit his lip to keep any sound from slipping past.  He never thought he’d reach the day his heart leapt in fear of what his children would say.  Tilting his head to the ceiling, he pled with a bleeding heart, _Maker, help Varric find someone, anyone.  Please._

~*~

A melodic chime rang incessantly on his night stand.  Fenris knocked his phone on the floor in his disoriented haze.  He followed it absent any grace, the haze of sleep still weighing him down.  Once he got the phone in hand he stared at it long enough that a second text came through. 

It was Varric

[02:48 - $40,000]

[02:50 - $40,000 and this offer expires soon.  Wake up!]

Fenris fumbled his replay, thankfully autocorrect was being generous this early in the morning.

[02:50 - $40,000 is your fee?]

 

[02:51 - No.  That’s to pay bail.  My fee is separate.]

In the dark of his room, Fenris once again stared at the ceiling.  _You know, you could have been a little more discerning._  

Fenris was left to make an expensive decision at the most unholy hours of the morning.  How well did he trust Varric?  Thinking on how he was due back at work in two days, Fenris was out of options. 

[02:55 – Money sent.  Send details when able.  Don't make me regret this dwarf.]

[02:57 - Trust me Broody, this one's perfect.]


	2. A Tight Fist Crushes the Butterfly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet Anders and Anders meets the Fenris family.

“Let’s go.” 

Anders didn’t really need the prompt from the gruff, fat Templar.  Honestly, he never knew they made armor _that_ large.  Besides, he’d felt the bolt of cleanse before a word had been said. 

Taking up a spot between the two Templar guards, he followed them out of his cell and through the winding corridors.  His curiosity was peeked when they deviated from the route that would have taken him to the Knight-Commander’s office.  He was torn between being amused that they were doing something new and being terrified that they were doing something new. 

In the end, he found himself in a small bare room sitting across from a clean shaven dwarf, which was strangely off-putting.  The man waited for Anders’ escort to leave before he spoke over his steepled fingers.

“I have a proposition for you.”

A quick laugh burst from Anders, “What?  Are you serious?  You can’t be!”  He leaned over the table conspiratorially, “You do realize that I’m locked up, right?  That I have nothing to offer anyone.”

Indifferent to Anders’ reaction, the mystery man pulled out a tablet.  “Says here that you were orphaned and grew up in the Chantry.  ‘Exceptional aptitude – lacks discipline’.”  He pulled his glasses down to look at Anders squarely, “Am I to take this as you have natural talent that you can’t control?”

“Who are you again?”

“I never said in the first place, kiddo.”

Anders sat back, crossing his arms over his chest.  “Alright, I’ll bite.  I’ve nothing better to do.  It says ‘lacks discipline’ because I don’t follow the Chantry’s antiquated methodology.  Kids learn different ways, magic behaves in other fashions depending on the environment and circumstances.  It’s like…they treat magical ability as if it were a pen when it’s actually a giant ass box of crayons.”

“So while you were in your post as an instructor, you tried to teach your pupils to color with crayons?”  He gestured to their current surroundings.  “I’m going to assume they colored outside the lines as well.”

Anders waved his hand in dismissal, there was no denying it after the fact.  “My former students were a threat to their precious little system, so they say.  They were inquisitive and if the Chantry were to keep control of them, well, you can’t have them asking questions, can you?  Tell me, mystery man, why the fuck do non-magical people run a school for mages?  Hmm?  Why do they advocate for the government to shut down any institutions run by mages?”

“You’re a preachy little shit.”  Taking up his tablet once more, he changed the subject.  “The youngest you’ve worked with is ten?”  At Anders’ nod, he swiped at the screen.  “Tell me, have you ever considered being a private tutor?”

 

~*~

Anders had been relaxed the entire journey to his new employer’s.  Varric, his own mystery benefactor, sat next to him in the back of the car.  The dwarf provided him the basic details of the job, and the employer. 

“Don’t forget, Broody is paying good money to keep you out of Templar hands so don’t go stirring up any shit with the Chantry, you got that?”  They were Varric’s last words as he exited the vehicle.

They’d parked in front of Hawke Tower, one of the ritziest apartment complexes in Kirkwall.  Anders had understood that only a good deal of money could have changed his station, but it didn’t really hit him exactly how much until he walked through the polished lobby of the tower. 

Exotic potted plants added brilliant colors to the white marble walls trimmed in gold.  Sharply dressed people enthusiastically helped with the most menial tasks – opening the door, carrying Anders’ bag, pushing the button on the elevator.  It was unnerving for Anders who’d never been pampered in his life. 

They had a long ride to the penthouse level, which was when Varric decided to broach a more personal topic.  “Oh, by the way, who are you into sexually?”

Anders looked down at his crotch wholly confused, “No one currently?”

“Ha-ha.”  Pandered Varric.  “Look, this guy has had a bad history of employees overstepping their bounds - trying to sleep on the job, if you catch my drift.  Rotten gold-diggers.”

Anders was slightly confused as to why _he_ might tempt his employer.  “But I thought you said he had a wife?”

“Yeah, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t try something.”  The elevator came to a halt and Varric took the first steps out, looking over his shoulder.  “You try anything funny with the boss and its grounds for termination.  You got that blondie?  You’re one fuck up from going somewhere worse than where I found you.  Got it?”

Anders threw up his hands defensively, “Alright, alright, I got ya.”

Holding up a keycard, the door opened.  Varric passed the thin piece of plastic to Anders, “Here.  Don’t lose it.”

Anders’ pace slowed.  He stared down at the key to the apartment.  His key.  No one would ever lock him in again.

“Blondie!  Over here.”

Varric summoned him to the living area.  There, two identical boys in red polos and khaki shorts stood in front of a tall, slender man in a black suit, his hands clasped behind his back.  They looked to be posing for a portrait rather than meeting a new employee. 

Helping himself to a chair, Varric lounged complacently, “Leto Fenris, meet Anders.  Highly accomplished mage and your very own personal tutor.”

The elven man _hmpfed_ at Varric’s claims, leaving Anders to wonder at just how much Varric typically exaggerated things. 

“You understand that this position requires your full attention.  Meals and chores fall under the purview of the nanny.”

“Nanny?”  Snapping his head toward Varric, Anders noticed that he wasn’t the only one glowering at the dwarf.

“A minor technicality.  Look, Broody, you needed a mage who can work outside the Circle, and I delivered.”  He then pointed a finger at Anders, “You weren’t exactly sitting pretty, so I suggest you learn how to expand your repertoire.”

Varric had a point, he certainly didn’t want to go back.  Growing up in the Chantry meant he learned to take care of himself.  How hard could it be with just two boys?  “I didn’t say I couldn’t do it.  I was just…surprised, is all.”

The motion of the boys’ heads dipping to the floor caught Anders’ attention.  Anders saw himself briefly – young, alone and ignored by adults making all the decisions around him.  Taking a knee, Anders tried to draw them into the fold.  They were a part of this decision as much as their father was, regardless of what scheming the elf and dwarf were up to. 

“Hey.  My name is Anders.  I’m a mage, do you want to see a trick?”  The boys looked to their father, who gave a single nod in consent.  Anders clapped his hands shut then rubbed them together.  He drew out the action, luring the boys closer.  When he stopped, he inched his hands towards the children and opened them slowly.  A small blue wisp bounded in circles over his palms. 

“That’s it?”  The one who spoke tried to sound unimpressed, yet he couldn’t tear his eyes away.

“No.  I want you to think of a butterfly…”  Anders spoke calmly and clearly as he guided the boy’s magic to transform the bouncing ball.  “Easy, don’t force it.  If the energy doesn’t like that shape, try another one…”

Sticking out his tongue, the boy concentrated harder.  After squinting his eyes, a butterfly finally formed.  Its flight was jerky, the delicate thing bobbing up and down drastically.  The flailing didn’t matter, both boys gasped in awe.  They squirmed and smiled, their cheerful faces darting back and forth from the apparition to their father.

“Whoa!  Papa!  Papa!”

“Did you see?  Look, look!”

Their giddiness and excitement was refreshing.  Anders smiled warmly, “I’m going to take it back now, you’ll feel a little tug.”

Anders coaxed the goofy butterfly toward him.  He felt the small boy’s magic unwind and release.  Once he had full control, he infused it with a burst of energy.  The body exploded like a tiny firework revealing perfectly arced wings that held every color of the rainbow.  His tiny audience was speechless, eyes wide as saucers. 

The butterfly flew with graceful purpose to tap on each of the boys’ noses, causing glittering light to sprinkle on their faces.  “Magic is just like nature.  It has to want to change.  A gentle hand knows how to probe at the magic, find out what it wants to be, and help guide it.”

“What if I want a dinosaur?!”  The child bounced with uncontrolled excitement.

“Well, you have to ask nicely.”

He created a green circle that swirled around the butterfly but never touched it.  The flapping wings pushed the ring to open wider and wider. 

“Ah, you see here?  It doesn’t want to.”  Anders moved to sit next to his pupil, “Try giving it a treat to see if that will change its mind.”

“What kind of treat?”

Anders crossed his legs as he settled down on the woven silk carpet.  “Think about your dinosaur, then focus on the butterfly.  Can you feel the difference between what you have and what you want?”

Anders felt a tingling of magic poke around clumsily, then the boy answered, “Lightning?”

“Try it.”  Anders heard their father suck in a breath of unease.  At least the man was tolerant of his children’s ability enough that he didn’t interrupt. 

The green circle around the butterfly crackled and shifted to a purple color.  Slowly, it squeezed in tight until the butterfly absorbed the ring and instantly blossomed into a pterodactyl.  Just like the first butterfly, it’s shape was unrefined and its movements jerky. 

The twins did not care.  His pupil jumped up and down, “I did it!  Papa, did you see it!  Look it!  Look it!”

The other began tugging at Anders’ sleeve impatiently, “My turn, my turn!”

“Malcolm Hawke!  No sir, you mind your manners.”  Anders was as startled as the boys at their father’s reprimand.  He was certainly a no nonsense type. 

Malcolm stepped back from Anders, assuming a practiced stance of politeness, “May I please have my turn, please?”

Before Anders could offer, Fenris interjected.  “Tomorrow.  It is currently past your bed time and I need to speak with Mr. Anders.”

The boys both looked at Anders with a hint of sadness, their pleading eyes turned up to their father.  “He’s not going away is he?”

“That depends on many things, but I can assure you that he will be here in the morning.”

Apparently satisfied with the less than hopeful answer, the boys hugged their father, collected their kisses, then made for their room.  Once they were in the hallway, they began to take their clothes off.   

“Laundry in your room, young men!”  Fenris called out.  He sighed then gazed at Anders, still seated on the floor.  “Bold move for a first meeting.”

Anders disliked being looked down upon.  He’d certainly had enough of that shit.  Brushing at his dull, thread bare Chantry issued robes he stood.  He was a bit surprised to discover that Fenris wasn’t that much shorter than he. 

Anders knew he had to respond, but he considered his answer for a moment, then decided to play it safe, “It was a lucky guess.  If things got out of hand, it was a minor spell and easily controlled.”

“As you say.”  Fenris gave a slight sneer of disbelief, but not being a mage himself, he wasn’t able to contradict him.  “Varric, if you are done here, I wish to orient Anders with his new accommodations.”

Varric pushed himself out of the stylish chair with a bounce of energy.  “Well, despite your apprehension, I’m confident that I got you your man.”  Varric made a detour into the kitchen where he quickly rummaged through the wine fridge, obviously knowing what he was looking for.  He saluted Fenris with his chosen bottle, “Thanks Broody, I’ll have my assistant shoot you an invoice.  Blondie - remember what I said.”

At the click of the door, they were alone.  Fenris took the initiative, “Kitchen first.”

“Lead the way Leto.”  Anders practically sang the alliteration. 

“Fenris.”  The man stopped dead in his tracks.  “You will call me Mr. Fenris.”

Anders was a might taken aback at the terse correction, yet, he couldn’t help himself as he tried to lighten the tension.  “For me it’s just Anders.  I like things simple, can’t bother with a ‘Mr.’ at the beginning.  Too cumbersome.”

Anders felt better when that did earn him the quietest chuckle he’d ever heard.  Even with the icebreaker, _Mr._ Fenris was a man of few words and an astounding ability to organize.  The inside of both the pantry and refrigerator were a Tetris of containers.  Each meticulously labeled first by contents then grouped by the day of the week. 

Blowing a small whistle, Anders was indeed impressed, “A bit overkill don’t you think?”

Fenris brushed past him, guiding them to the next stop in the tour.  “Saturdays are grocery days.  Afterward the food is prepared, and divided, then assigned.” 

“Is there any flex for spontaneity?  You know, a quick run to the ice cream shop?” 

“Not with the schedule I have to keep.  Currently your desire to engage in pointless questions is cutting into my already stinted allocation of sleep.  May we finish?”  His impatience gave a standoffish, rude sort of vibe, but knowing that Mr. Fenris lived on minimal sleep (according to Varric), Anders had to cut him a break. 

The ‘play’ room was similar to the kitchen.  Labeled containers were neatly stacked in the closet.  The spotless room had the rules printed on the wall, which included limitations on TV time and how many containers could be open at any given time.  This household was nearly as strict as the Chantry. 

Next Fenris stood at the threshold to the boys’ room and pointed out the clothes they were meant to wear in the morning.  The bathroom was next.

 _Ah, just as strict as the Chantry._   Anders worked hard to suppress his amusement.  He listened to most of what Fenris had to say.  He keyed in on the important stuff and wholly ignored the little nit-noid details that were unnecessary.  He’d already left one institution of oppression, as sweet a deal as this was, he wasn’t eager to settle for another one. 

“Now, are there any questions?”  Apparently Fenris was done, finally. 

“How do I contact you?” 

Without bothering to ask, Fenris reached into Anders’ pocket for the phone Varric had given him.  He texted himself then handed it back.  “There.  Anything else?”

“Um…no.”  He offered a broad smile and a little wave, “Good night!”   

In the quiet of his room, Anders sat on the bed wondering what to do next.  Everything felt strange – the expansive bed with fine linens, the floor to ceiling window overlooking the city, down to the private bathroom connected to his room.  All this space, just for him.  No one stood at his door.  No one would inspect his drawers or flip his mattress (with him in it) during the night searching for contraband.  Fenris had stated this was his private area. 

With a burst of a giggle, he used his phone to purchase the exact kind of contraband that the Chantry had always sought.  Probably even things they had never thought of.  It gave him an inordinate amount of pleasure to know that in a few days’ time he’d have exactly what the Chantry had wanted to keep from him. 

His good mood stayed with him as he unpacked the few things he brought with him then showered.  He took as long as he wanted and to his amazement, the hot water never ran out.  The longer he stayed under the scalding water, he found his heart skipping a beat intermittently, constantly anticipating someone bursting in to punish his wastefulness.  He got out when his nerves couldn’t bear it any longer.

Toweling off, he was still full of energy and decided to put it to use.  Anders threw on some shorts and made for the kitchen, thrilled to know that the pantry was fully stocked.

 

 

Fenris’ alarm sounded at 5:30.  Mechanically, he went through his daily routine, not giving Anders a second thought until 6:15 when he walked toward the door.  He stopped at the kitchen counter to inspect the mystery dish wrapped in foil.  A sticky note proclaimed the dish to be his with instructions on how to warm it at work. 

The second note made Fenris smile.

_‘Sorry about all my questions, I hope you don’t mind one more – do you like apple crumble?’_

Peeking into the foil, that was exactly what was safely tucked inside. 

Fenris was five minutes late out the door.

 

 

Per the schedule Fenris provided, Anders woke up at 7:00.  At 7:15 he roused the boys who were excited see that, yes, he had stayed as promised.  They were supposed to eat at 7:30, but Anders wanted to give them some time to really wake up, so he left them in the playroom while he took up his duties in the kitchen. 

His phone beeped.   Of course Anders would get a text at an appropriate time according to the schedule. 

[07:30 – You made that crumble last night?] 

His sly grin held fast as he responded.  [07:31 – You know it.  I am utterly amazing!]

[07:31 – You are ridiculous, mage.]

Anders had hoped there would be more, but nothing followed.  He dropped his phone in his pocket.  Shaking his head and laughing to himself, he went about fixing the kids’ breakfast. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Fourteen minutes later, his phone blipped.

[07:45 – Thank you.  The answer is: yes, very much.]


	3. Perhaps Something More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris learns a few interesting things about his new nanny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick update as I wedge this in between deadlines. More Anders/Fenris in the next chapter I promise.

Fenris sat at his desk in his private office.  Orana came in from her secretarial post outside his door with a cup of coffee and a stack of papers.  Her eyes darted to the bundle of tin foil on his desk, but she said nothing of it. 

After setting the cup down, she began her daily routine of reciting Fenris’ schedule, providing him a print out of the next two days’ schedule, highlighting any emergencies that cropped up and announcing that a Mr. Varric Tethras penciled himself in at eight.

Fenris finished a sip of his coffee and groused, “Maker forbid the man wake _too_ early.”

“At least he was kind enough to provide notice this time around.” 

A smile tugged at Fenris’ lips as he recalled the delightful memory of Orana escorting Varric out by the ear the last, and only time, he tried to demand a meeting without calling ahead. 

Orana glanced at the Fenris’ breakfast, and after a short internal debate, probed.  “You fixed breakfast this morning?”

“No.  I have a new nanny.  Left this out for me.”  Fenris slid the foil closer and Orana peered inside.

“Oh my it looks delicious.  She’s into baked goods then?”

“It’s a he actually.”  Baking?  It hadn’t occurred to him that Anders would have baked such a thing himself.

“I’ll warm it up for you.”  Orana plucked it off his desk and was off.

Meanwhile, Fenris checked the hour.  He wanted to wait until seven thirty to ask Anders where the crumble had come from.  He set an alarm. 

Orana returned and the smell from the little dessert was heavenly.  Fenris enjoyed each bite it until he was interrupted by the alarm on his phone.

He eagerly texted Anders.  [07:30 – You made that crumble last night?] 

[07:31 – You know it.  I am utterly amazing!]

Fenris rolled his eyes at such smug sass.  [07:31 – You are ridiculous, mage.]

Then, that was it.  Anders didn’t reply.  It took a moment, but Fenris had to remind himself that Anders wasn’t like the others.  He wasn’t going to fluff his bosom when Fenris came home at the end of the day and flirt shamelessly at all hours. 

The thought was…pleasant.

He dabbed up the last tiny pieces of the desert then noticed the sticky note from Anders.  Picking it up, he held it between two fingers and his thumb flicked at the corner. 

_‘Sorry about all my questions, I hope you don’t mind one more – do you like apple crumble?’_

Was this a serious question?  Was he waiting on an answer? 

Fenris stood and began pacing. 

Would Anders be upset if he didn’t say anything?  The dish had been good, but he was still an employee. 

Fenris checked his phone again, still no answer.

Why did he feel anxious about this?

An idea sprang to mind.  Fenris returned to his desk and accessed the security cameras in the apartment.  He found Anders working in the kitchen.  All he had to do was respond and watch the man’s reaction.

Fenris stared blankly at his phone. 

More time passed and he hadn’t typed anything.

Finally, he cursed himself and rushed to an answer.

[07:45 – Thank you.  The answer is: yes, very much.]

There.  That should be sufficient.

Fenris watched the monitor as Anders looked at his phone, smiled then went back to work.  Good, as it should be.  It was just a simple question.  Nothing more.  Oddly, Fenris found himself hoping this worked out.  The concept was promising and he hoped that perhaps he and Anders could get along tolerably, maybe even become friendly towards one another.

Fenris remained absorbed in watching Anders carry out the duties on the list provided, which he followed them more or less.  Certainly allowing the children more flexibility than Fenris was accustomed to, but somehow still staying on task.  Fenris found it to be only mildly irritating. 

The door to his office swung open, “Good morning Broody!  What do you think?  When I say I deliver, do I deliver, huh?”  Varric stood across the office with pride.  Before plopping into a chair opposite Fenris, Varric twisted the monitor for them both to see.  “Ah, keeping an eye on the help I see.  How’s our boy doing?”

“Fair.  I have not observed anything of concern.  Yet.”

Leaning back in his chair, Varric pointed to the screen, “No sound?”

“No, it was not an option at the time I purchased it and the others were so obviously inept that audio was not necessary to have them dismissed.”

With a sigh, Varric reached out his open hand, “Gimme your phone.  Honestly, must I be the only one to look out for you?”  Fenris looked on without comment, waiting to see what the sly dwarf was up to.  “There.  Now whenever you want to hear what Blondie is up to, you just open this app and you can hear everything.  Well, so long as he has his phone on him.”

“Clever.”

Tapping on the icon, Varric set the phone on the desk as they watched the monitor. 

_“Alright, first thing we need to address.  Absolutely no magic unless I’m with you.  You may not know this, but other mages and specifically Templars can tell when magic is being used.  I felt it the moment I walked in last night.”_

_The boys stared at each other with wide eyes then rushed to Anders’ side speaking over each other, “Please don’t tell Papa!  We won’t do it again!”_

_Anders knelt and placed an arm over each boys’ shoulders, “Shh, there, there, it’s alright.  Calm down.”  Anders was patient, waiting for the boys to ease their sniffling before moving forward with his first lesson.  “Alright, there we go.  Better?  I know magic is exciting and fun, but it can also be dangerous.  Here.  You feel that?”_

_Anders held the twins by the hands.  Malcolm pressed both hands around Anders’, “It’s warm.”_

_“Yes, a simple spell actually.  It has many uses, especially if you’re caught out in the cold, however, imagine what would happen if I got distracted...”_

_“It would get too warm?” guessed Iovro._

_“Yes, or worse, the spell catches fire.”  Anders gave the children a small jump scare by jerking forward teasingly.  “There is a great deal of strength and power behind magic.  It is our job to respect that.”_

Varric tapped the app closed and slid the phone back to Fenris.  “Sounds a lot like someone we know.”

Three years since Hawke’s death and even a vague mention of her turned Fenris in on himself.  The sensation felt as though his heart tried to suck in all his blood at once, leaving his extremities to freeze.  He reached for this coffee with both hands to fight the imagined chill.

Fenris then deftly sidestepped the discussion of his late wife, “You and your carta ways.  I am impressed.”

Varric leaned over the side of his chair to pull a tablet from his bag.  “Broody, I think of everything.  You should know what quality service your money buys.”

“Exorbitant amount of money you mean.”

With a hand pressed to his heart, Varric feigned shock, “Broody, I’m hurt.  You know I cut you a discount.  What sort of friend do you take me for?”

“One who separates business from personal matters.” Stated Fenris matter-of-factly. 

“Ah, funny you should mention personal matters.  I thought you should know about a few recent purchases made by our golden boy.  It seems that he is eager to enjoy his freedom from sexual shame.”

Fenris took the offered tablet and reviewed the purchase order from ‘Idle Hands Intimates’.  Fenris was by no means a prude, he did have children after all.  However, it was the specific items on the list that gave him pause. 

“Maker…I’ve never…wait, ‘angled to hit the p-spot…milk your prostate with this specially designed vibe that hits the prostate and your taint’.  This means he’s into men, doesn’t it?”  The lack of an answer was all Fenris needed to confirm his guess.  “And you knew!  After all I’ve been through, you have the audacity to suggest I keep him?!”

“Look, he knows his place.  He obviously knows how to play by himself.”  Varric chuckled at his own joke.  “Besides, it’s not as if you’re attracted to him.”

Fenris glanced back at the monitor.  The pause was enough to coax a teasing remark from Varric, “You aren’t aaaare you?”

“Shut it dwarf.”  He cut the distracting monitor off.  “No.  I am not.”

“So what’s the harm?  Don’t forget that you have my seal of satisfaction.  When you’re unsatisfied, just let me know and he’ll disappear from your life forever.  No worries.”

“As you say.” 

After so many years spent together at work and socially, Varric knew when his time was up.  He also wished to avoid Orana’s wrath should he accidently exceed his time.  As he walked out the door, he left it open a crack, waited, then peered back inside.

Fenris had turned the monitor back on. 

Dangerous game he was playing. 

Varric knew where every camera was mounted in the office tower and even knew which on the next few city blocks belonged to the corporation instead of the city.  He followed a familiar path but made a rare stop at a coffee shop along the way.    Perhaps he was being over cautious, but developing these habits had saved his ass too many times to count.  It was worth the effort. 

Inside the cafe, he chose a corner and waited to use his phone until after he’d received his order.  The other end picked up without much of a greeting, _“Well?”_

Varric tried to keep his temper in check, but it bubbled to the surface enough to have him speaking faster than usual.  Understandable, considering the massive risk he was taking.  “It’s going.  I can’t say how well, but it hasn’t blown up in our faces yet.”

_“This is promising.”_

Varric pulled out a flask to flavor his coffee, but upon seeing it, he slugged back as much as he could chug.   “You had better be right about this.”

_“Hey, we both agreed to this.  Don’t forget you have a stake in this too.”_

“Shit.”  Rubbing at his face, Varric groaned into the phone.  “If he ever finds out, we’re dead.  You know that right?”

He hung up, the answer was well-known to the them both.  Of all the shady dealings he’d engaged in over the years, this was possibly the most uncomfortable he’d felt about a plan in his life.  By Andraste’s flaming tits this had better pay off. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For inquiring minds, yes, the [tubs](https://sixlilypetals.tumblr.com/image/151007223144) do exisit.


	4. All's Fair in Love and War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out why Fenris maintains his rigid schedule and learn more about Varric and his scheming.

_“Besides, it’s not as if you’re attracted to him…You aren’t aaaare you?”_

Varric’s words haunted him throughout the day.  Anders was not displeasing yet, surly not attractive. Was he? 

Fenris sat through an afternoon meeting saying very little.  The presenter paused on multiple occasions.  Fenris assumed that they awaited his input as something had occurred which needed his attention.  Each time he deferred to the project manager and instructed her to ‘handle it’.  By the end he asked Orana to cancel his next meeting. 

There was a small pang of guilt at skipping out with such short notice, but it would be the first time in…how many years?  Besides, there was no one else above him to answer to, except the board, but they only ever met quarterly. 

In the office he tried to lie to himself saying that he wasn’t watching the nanny cam because of Anders.  The entire time the boys were playing quietly in the playroom and Anders worked in the kitchen, cutting vegetable for the afternoon snack.  Watching him alone, Fenris couldn’t lie any longer. 

Was he staring because Varric put the idea in his head?  The man seemed kind, but he’d only known him a day.  Give it time.  People always disappointed eventually.

The landline rang and Anders answered.  Curious, Fenris pulled out his phone to use the eavesdropping app that Varric installed.

 _“Um.  One moment.”_   Anders cupped one end of the phone before calling out, _“Malcolm, Iovro, do you know a Merrill?”_

_“Miss Merrill!”_

_“It’s Miss Merrill!!”_

At the boys’ enthusiasm, Anders passed over the phone.  Fenris could only imagine which of the three were managing to fit in the most words. 

Two knocks and the door to his office eased open.  Quickly, Fenris shut off his phone and monitor.  He tried to sound calm but it still came out slightly frazzled, “Yes?” 

Orana shut the door behind her, “You left a note to cancel your meeting, I wanted to be sure you were not unwell.  Is there anything I can do?”

“There is no call for concern.  I am well.”

She stood awkwardly, shifting her weight from foot to foot, “Well, if you were sick I could cancel your last meeting of the day and you could go home early.”  Fenris snapped his eyes up at her accusingly.  “Not that you would ever be so irresponsible as to leave work early.  Besides, I’m sure you need to evaluate the new nanny to ensure he is meeting your high standards?”

Fenris wavered too long, giving away his desire.  Orana pounced on it.  “He seems to be a good cook.  Perhaps he could make you some chicken soup?” 

All these years she had constantly hinted at him taking some time off, shortening his days and he’d always refused.  She basked in her first victory with a brilliant smile. 

Fenris pointed his pen at her, “Smug is not a good look for you.”

“Ah, but seeing you actually well rested for a change is certainly worth all the sass you wish to toss at me.”  She stood, waiting, anticipating his command.

Fenris finally caved, “Alright, clear my calendar and shuffle it into next week.”

~***~

“Boys.”  Fenris hung his overcoat on the rack and placed his keys in the center of their designated bowl on the side table by the front door of the apartment.  He was in the kitchen when he initiated their ritual greeting once more.  “Boys.”

The only answer the apartment offered was silence.  Fenris took three, slow, steady breaths, cleared his throat then called again, “Boys?”

Not waiting for an answer, he hurriedly walked to their empty playroom, empty bedroom, and cursed Anders’ empty quarters as well.

 _Gone_.

Out of breath, he held onto the door frame.  Where are they?  A trip wasn’t scheduled for the afternoon.  They should be here!  He sprinted back to kitchen to fling open the pantry doors – nothing.  In the living room, his knees crashed to the hardwood floor as he scoured beneath the furniture – more nothing.

_No.  No.  Please…no._

His eyes flooded but his hands were too shaky to clear them.  It was happening again.  His mind processed each tiny symptom that kidnapped his body and held his freewill captive – the pinch in his lungs, the hoarse gasps of breath, blurred vision, vertigo.  A panic attack was inevitable.

Call, he needed to call.  It was a simple action, made easier by his necklace, but executing the action was more difficult than anyone could fathom.  The distance from hand to pendant grew with each passing moment as nightmares filled his mind, creating hurdles that hindered his ability to process clear thoughts and accomplish the coordination required to get help.

_What if he stole them?_

_What if they were dead?_

_This is all my fault._

_I should have done better._

_I should have been home earlier._

_I could have stopped this._

_I shouldn’t have children…incompetent…weak…_

“Broody?  Broody!!  Answer me!” 

Fenris’s jaw was screwed tighter than a vice.  He was convinced bits of teeth floated in his mouth.  When he managed to cry out, it was too feral to sound Elven.

“I’m on my way.  Try to talk to me, try to make some noise so I know you’re paying attention.”  It was Varric.  Thank the Maker for him and his love of gadgets.  The edges of the alert pendent wedged into the flesh of Fenris’ hand.  Simply knowing that help was coming released some of the burden on his mind.  Unfortunately, that did nothing for his body which was coiled tighter than a spring.

First task – speak to Varric.

Opening and closing his mouth like a fish was humiliatingly pointless.  Squirming about reminded him that he was curled up on the floor with no memory of falling or setting himself down.  _Focus._   “V – Varric.  Gone.”

“What’s gone?  Nice and slow.  Remember to breathe, I’m a few minutes away.  Keep going.”  The dwarf’s voice was wonderfully melodic when he wanted it to be. 

“Boys.  Anders.”  Stating the fact out loud was another swift punch to Fenris’ heart.  It felt on the brink of exploding.  He screamed a harsh sob, which was further fueled with the empty echo in the lonely apartment. 

_Gone, gone._

Varric’s voice was pulled away from the speaker, but still audible, “ _Gimme your phone.  Now.  Dammit, Oghren, I don’t have time for this._   Broody?  I’m checking his GPS right now.  Give me a second….we’re pulling into parking….the east side.  He’s on the east side!”

A location, good.  Good.  Next we…next…we…

“Alright Broody, I’m getting on the elevator, I’m passing you off to Oghren.” 

“Sodding Ancestors.  Err…hey pal.  Um.  Don’t sodding go tits up on me.  Git yer legs moving.  Wiggle your damn toes or something.”  Oghren’s gruff voice made Fenris wince internally, but at least his suggestion worked.  Fenris spent the entirety of Varric’s elevator ride wiggling his toes and imagining the foul breath that he knew accompanied each use of the word ‘sodding’.

Varric burst through the door, cursing the lag in the electronic lock as he sprinted to Fenris’ side.  He sat on the heels of his feet in front of Fenris. 

“You’re not alone.  We got this.  C’mon, listen to me…that’s it.”  He spoke quietly like the steady babble of a brook.  The soothing effect was intensified with him being there in person.  Varric held Fenris’ hand as he verbally talked him back into his skin again. 

The panic attacks used to be frequent after Marian’s death, occurring multiple times a week.  Although he’d discovered the therapeutic benefit of a stringent schedule to decrease the frequency, it did nothing to reduce the intensity of the episodes.  Varric and his people were the only ones outside the family to know.  He’d even taught the boys how to call with the pendant if he were ever unable. 

But this time he was alone…alone.  The boys were gone… _Maker, please not again._

Fenris’ eyes rolled back in his skull causing Varric to squeeze his hand tighter, “Come on, stay with me.  I’m right here.”  Varric then gently pushed Fenris from his side to his back and placed Fenris’ hands over his abdomen.  “Just close your eyes, and climb down, one branch at a time.  I’m right here.  Talk to me.”

Fenris had turned to therapy when doctors revealed there was no medication for his panic attacks.  Declining any experimental treatments, he turned to Varric when the therapist suggested the guided meditation.  The image of climbing down a tall tree swaying in the breeze was the most successful.  As Varric spoke about grabbing the branches and lowering the weight of his body down to the next level, Fenris felt the rise and fall of his diaphragm slowly take on a steady, smooth cadence. 

“Good job, we’re almost to the bottom.  Can you feel the ground?”

“Yes.”  His eyes fluttered open and the world had stopped spinning.  “What’s next?”

At Fenris’ regained composure, Varris fell back to sit more comfortably on his ass.  “Have you tried calling?”  When he shook his head ‘no’, Varric was instantly on the borrowed phone with its lovely nude pinup girl protective case. 

“Hey Blondie, long time no see.  Yeah, yeah.  Hey listen, I tried to stop by this afternoon and the place was empty, you shopping nearby or something?  I have some stuff to pass off.  Oh, really?”

The rising tone of the question jolted Fenris to sit up and stare more intently at Varric, as though watching him talk would somehow make it possible to hear the other side of the conversation.

“Well, that does sound like fun.  Can I say ‘hi’ to the rug rats?  Thanks.”  Varric tapped the phone to put it on speaker.  Both boys spoke excitedly at the same time.  Their full thoughts were lost as they tried to say everything all at once but it was clear they were alright and having a good time.  “Alright you goofy little nugs, pass it back to Mr. Anders.  Thanks Blondie, it’s nice to hear they’re enjoying the day.”

Varric ended the call with a relieved sigh, “They’re at the fair playing the ring toss.”  Rubbing at his face he paused before asking.

"Did you try calling in the first place?"

“it is of no matter. He deviated from the schedule.”  Fenris’ words were coarse, mostly in anger at himself for not thinking to call in the first place.  He rose suddenly and marched for the door, grabbing his coat along the way.  “Come.  You will take me there.  Afterward, you may return Anders to the Blighted Chantry.”

~***~

The GPS tracker Varric activated in Anders’ phone led them to the mini-games area of the fair.  The sun was setting and gave a playful glow to the stuffed animal prizes hanging from the tents.  They were like ripe fruit ready for the picking.  The ring toss booth was devoid of his children, but Fenris’ ears twitched reflexively at the distinct sound of his boys’ laughter. 

He darted through the crowd to stop in front of the high striker.  Anders held an oversized mallet with both hands.  He swayed and twirled as he approached the glowing tower with its flashing lights.  Malcolm and Iovro couldn’t stop laughing, intermittently encouraging their nanny to take a swing. 

Anders’ clown-like act ended when he stood at the base.  A glance at the boys had him waiting for them to count down from five and he delivered a full force blow to the lever.  The tiny puck shot like a rocket to the top of the tower and set off the alarms to declare Anders the winner.  Anders dropped the mallet and fell comically to the ground as of he were completely drained of his strength.  The boys jumped him and cheered his victory.

Of all the sitters and would-be nannies over the years, Fenris had never seen the boys so happy.  He’d heard the twins laugh with each other, but never with another adult.  A warm knot of satisfaction pulled at the corner of Fenris’ mouth.  He was pleased at how Anders guided the children to the prize booth, watching his surroundings, and keeping a hand on each’s shoulder.  Protective and attentive, kind, and silly in a strangely endearing manner.  Perhaps Fenris was too quick to judge… 

“You still wanna fire him?”  Varric’s comment pulled Fenris from a trance he’d been unaware had taken hold of him. 

“What? I – no.  Not tonight.  I will not ruin the boys’ entertainment this eve.”  Fenris strode through the crowd, then called back over his shoulder, “Thank you for your assistance.  I will handle this from here.”

He heard Varric’s laugh recede into the crowd, but he didn’t watch him go.  He only had eyes for Anders and his boys.  They were thrilled to the point their little bodies couldn’t contain all the energy.  Anders wasn’t the least annoyed.  He laughed and smiled brightly at them while subtly keeping a close watch on how far their energy carried them from his arms’ reach. 

“I’m sorry, what was that?”  He took hold of both boys, his touch pinning them to the spot. 

The games master repeated that he would only receive one prize.  That’s when Anders took a knee and explained that the boys would have to share.  The crestfallen look on their faces tugged Fenris closer and before he knew what he was doing he offered to win a second prize.

“Mr. Fenris!  How’d you find us?”  The genuine enthusiasm with which Anders greeted him destroyed any suspicions Fenris had concocted of malicious intent.  Fortunately, he provided the answer that Fenris had been unprepared to give.  “You run into Varric at the apartment?  Or see the note on the fridge?”

 _Note on the fridge?  Who puts notes there?_   “Varric informed me.”  The details of precisely how would have to wait for another day.  If ever.

Anders’ smile seemed to be permanently attached to his face.  “You ready to give it a go?”

Fenris had been so spellbound that he’d forgotten what he’d volunteered for.  Remembering how Anders had so thoroughly impressed his boys, he knew that he couldn’t compare.  He leaned close to the blonde, “I do not possess the same flair of dramatics as you.”

When Fenris’ eyes darted to the boys, Anders’ mouth formed a silent understanding ‘oh’.  He put a hand on Fenris’ shoulder, then whispered into his ear.  “Miss on the first try.  Trust me.”

First, Fenris removed his overcoat and suit jacket to hand over to Anders.  Taking the mallet with both hands, Fenris approached the tower.  Full darkness had fallen and the flickering lights on the tower were brilliantly flickering upward, lighting the way.  He debated the intent behind Anders’ suggestion, however there was something about the man that was simply enchanting.  As though he could entice a man to walk willingly into the Void, but wouldn’t dare abuse his charm in that manner. 

It was too much to think on at that moment, so he went with his gut feeling to trust him.  The swing made the little black puck rise only halfway up the slider.  Anders walked up with the boys, his plan ready at hand, “Uh-oh, it looks like you Papa needs help too!  Do you want to help?”

“Yeah!  Silly Strength to the rescue!”  Malcolm and Iovro made to rush their father but Anders barred them with his arm.

“No, you’re Papa needs something better.  How about some Fierce Fortitude?”

Malcolm turned on the mage with curiosity.  “How do we do that?”

Anders played his part well and raised a knowing finger.  “First you each must take your father’s hands.  Got ‘em?  Alright now, give his firsts a fierce kiss like a tiger!”

“Or a wolf!”  chimed in Iovro.  The boys proceeded to do as asked and Fenris found it immensely adorable. 

He only ever kissed them good night.  It had not occurred to him that it could be done so spontaneously.  He made a mental note to add this to their routine.  “A wolf you say?”

“Yeah!”  Iovro gave another kiss as he answered his Papa.  “Wolves are my favorite!”

The ritual suggested by Anders was a silly one meant to please the children and yet, Fenris found confidence in it.  He had always led their playtime and for once, they were leading him.  He learned his son’s favorite animal.  He’d always assumed it was the bear.

Anders passed back the mallet and Fenris returned to his station.  Tossing the mallet over his shoulder brought his fists square to his face.  Looking back at his boys, he pressed his fists to his face as he nodded to them to count down.  A deep breath and a hearty grunt sent mallet and puck hurtling in opposite directions.  This time when the bell was rung, the buzzing and lights celebrated in a craze exceeding Anders’ win. 

“You hit the beast!  You hit the beast!”  The beast was the highest score one could achieve.  Taming the children after such an achievement was a lost cause.  They ran circles around Fenris and only deviated from their chanting to ask Anders if he saw what Papa did. 

The rest of the evening had each adult with a child in hand as they walked around the fair admiring the lights and occasionally sampling sweets and enjoying the rides. 

Anders had used Fenris’ personal driver, so a return home was only a short call and no more than five minutes waiting at the entrance.  The boys fell asleep before the car rounded the block.  The back of the car was meant for six with two bench seats that faced each other.  Anders sat with Malcolm across from Fenris and Iovro.  Judging the children to be adequately asleep, Fenris spoke low to Anders.

“You cannot do this again.”

“What?”  His genuine confusion contorted his face so, that Fenris had the tiny urge to reach out and comfort him. 

Fenris clenched his fists to keep them in his lap.  “Leaving.  I need immediate notification for something like this.” 

“I - ”  A rebuttal died on Anders’ tongue, clearly changing his mind about defending his actions.  “Of course Mr. Fenris.  My apologies.”

Ten minutes of silence had to two attempting to avoid the other’s gaze.  In the center of the bench seats, neither could pretend to stare out the window.  When Hawke Tower was in sight, Fenris felt the urge to say _something._

“Silly Strength?”

Anders leaned his head back with a cocky half-grin.  “What?  Don’t you know how to have some fun?  Laugh a little?  Or should I pencil that into your schedule?”

“Certainly.  Right after I pencil you in for breaking your neck.”  Anders eyes widened in shock but softened at Fenris’ teasing smile.

Anders sighed as he sunk back into the seat.  “Har-har.  Should have known you wouldn’t have a lick of humor in you.”

“I am better…” Fenris caught himself before he finished.  Luckily, the car rolled to a stop near his private elevator.  “I am better with Iorvo if you can carry Malcolm.”

The two men juggled the unconscious forms and their prizes into the elevator.  Fenris feigned studying his sleeping son as he thanked the Maker for holding his tongue. 

 _I am better at licking other things._   What was he thinking?  Surely he wasn’t interested in men.  Never had been.

Glancing at Anders holding Malcolm in a warm, supportive hug spoke to the sincerity of his care for the boys.  He was like no other Fenris had employed, or even met.  Perhaps he could care for one man.  A little.

 

“Yeah? Hey, it’s me.  They just made it home.  Can’t say much more than it looks like they’re friendly and Anders still has a job.  Can I get out of this sodding cold?”  Oghren stood in the shadows of the parking structure. 

Varric sat at his desk working into the late hours of the night.  He refused to come in on the weekend and found it worth the suffering to simply finished everything on a Friday.  “Yes, yes.  Thanks Oghren.  Try to not wake up in a bar tomorrow morning.”

The man chuckled into the phone, “Does it still count if isn’t the one I started out in?”

Varric scoffed at the phone and promptly hung up.  He tapped his foot, wondering if he should call tonight or wait until he had more information.  Apparently the fates decided for him since his phone rang moments later.

“Rivaini, you are the queen of poor timing.”

A sensuous voice purred teasingly over the receiver, _“Slander!  I have excellent timing.  Ask Merrill.”_

“I’d rather not.”

_“How’s our favorite elf?”_

“Right to the chase huh?  Thought you were good at foreplay.”

_“Oh dearie, there is a major difference between idle banter and foreplay, believe me.  Only one can be skipped.  So.  Tell me, how did it go?”_

“Well, your phone call did end up with the boys and Anders going to the fair, but Blondie didn’t leave a note in an obvious place and Broody nearly fired him tonight when he came home to an empty apartment.”

The sultry tone dropped momentarily, _“Shit.  I didn’t think of that.”_

“And yet I’m supposed to trust you that this whole scheme will work.”  Varric took a deep breath, then blew it out.  “Don’t get your non-existent panties in wad, he’s still working there.  For now.  We just need to be more careful.”

_“Yeah, yeah, sure.  But, you did tell this Chantry boy to stay away from him didn’t you?”_

“Yup.  Threats and all.”

_“Good.  Nothing is more tempting than the forbidden.”_

“You know Rivaini, not everyone thinks like you.”

_“Trust me if everyone did, then there’d be a lot less tension in the world.  Are you ready to hear about my next idea?”_

“Not now please, I’m beat.  We’ll go over it later and this time, try to have more of the details worked out.  I can’t be running around all day trying to keep them from finding out what we’re doing.”


	5. Testing the Waters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A revelation, a shopping trip and a package delivery. Plus the bonus of well-meaning, nosey ass friends.

Anders lay in the comforting embrace of his pillow top mattress and squirmed within the smooth embrace of bedding that had a higher thread count than there were stars in the sky.  How suddenly and unexpectedly his life had changed.  Assuming the bleak outlook that he would forever be a prisoner within the Chantry walls, he’d always fought back.  After he’d lost Karl, there was no reason for him to bend to their will.  The only comfort he found since then were the all too few Templars who sometimes treated him like a real person.  He certainly did not miss that place. 

Taking a deep breath, the air felt special when it filled his lungs – electric even. 

He was free.

Staring out his window, he watched the glow of the morning stretch over the sprawling city.  None of sharp rays of light pierced through his room.  Such a treat.  During his time in the Chantry he'd never had a room that didn't have an eastern facing window.

 _‘All who wake in the light of the Maker move forward into the day with his purpose in their heart._ ’ 

The sisters loved to quote this phrase whenever someone complained about the early morning sunlight.  It wasn't just the Maker who ripped him from his bed, but the Templars loved ringing the bells.  No one enjoyed a leisurely morning at the Chantry Circle.  Everyone was trained to leap up instantly at the sound of those harsh rings. 

Anders smiled and curled into his blankets with immense satisfaction at the simple joy of being able to choose when to rise.  Although he had the opportunity, Anders wasn't one lay about and he eased himself from bed.  Mr. Fenris had already planned out the day and he wanted to get a head start, especially considering his mess up from the day before.  
  
In the kitchen he not only found a print out of his schedule, but also the grocery list, a set of clothes for the boys, and reusable grocery bags neatly folded in a stack on the counter.  
  
According to the instructions, he was to wake the boys, dress and feed them, then wake Mr. Fenris as he left to do the shopping to ‘provide adult supervision’ for the children.  
  
Thinking back on the last two nights, Anders recalled that his employer stayed up late at night, much later than when he turned in at least. An idea struck him.  He decided to test the limits of his employment once more. Only this time he'd leave a note in a more obvious spot.

He steeled his nerves then gently pushed open the master bedroom door.  The further he tip-toed into the room, the more the darkness obscured his surroundings.  He cast a small spell to light the way.  A faint crackling and movement from the bed had him stopping dead in his tracks and holding his breath.  Mr. Fenris’ body rolled once more then settled into a motionless lump with his back toward Anders. 

This time when Anders used the light spell, he started smaller and slowly built it up, seeking to re-create the strange sound he’d heard. 

There - from the bed came a crackling akin to carbonation in a soda trying to act like lightning.  Edging closer, he fueled the light bit, by bit and soon became enchanted by the faint blue light that emanated from beneath the covers.  The scrolling tattoos on his employer’s body weren’t merely decorative, they were infused with lyrium and reacting to his casting. 

It took time, much longer than it should have, for Anders to actually remember what that signified.  He fell backward on his ass as realization struck him down with belated shock.  Varric had mentioned that Marian Hawke had died while in service, but there was no mention of Mr. Fenris serving too, nor that he’d been a prisoner of war. 

Anders threw both his hands up to cover his mouth.  His breathing wheezed out his nose and he hastily covered that too.  Maker’s breath!  He’d only ever heard stories of Tevinter prisoners.  The rare few who managed to survive the torture to be rescued usually didn’t live long afterward.  The torture they were said to have endured went beyond the physical.  Anders recalled one Head Healer referring to the physiological aspect as being similar to drilling holes in one’s head then jamming in a set of toothpicks.  It was a method of forced pain association.  While watching movies of their homeland, pain would be inflicted as a means to have them turn against their country.  The descriptions were bad enough, but what caused the Head Healer to quit his station with the Inquisition was seeing what remained of the soldiers they rescued. 

_‘I’d rather be made tranquil than endure that.  At least being tranquil you’d never feel again.  What they did was beyond barbaric.’_

Andraste’s tits, this was impossible.  How…fucking Maker’s Blighted Ass cheeks!  Anders moved further from the bed and didn’t even think of casting again.  Instead he waited for his breathing to ease and his eyes to adjust.  He still felt as if his body were moving through a haze, the reality of what happened to Mr. Fenris, just…damn.

With a shake of his head, he moved forward with his plan.  He gingerly tapped his fingers over the surface of the nightstand, then triumphantly found the phone he sought.  Luckily, it wasn’t locked.  Navigating through the menus, he found the alarm.  Or more aptly named, the endless list of alarms.  He scrolled through what seemed to be countless times, each one labeled for different obligations.  It took some time, but he found the ones that were set for Saturday and disabled them.  It would have been easier to simply take the phone, but he wasn’t going to press his luck in the event Mr. Fenris missed an important call.  That would definitely end his employment.

Anders resorted to crawling his way out of the room, hoping that if Mr. Fenris did happen to look around, he’d be too low to notice.  Outside the bedroom, he gently shut the door with a self-satisfied smile.  He liked it here, why not do something nice to give his handsome employer a relaxed morning?

With a groan and a roll of his head, he pulled himself up from the floor.  He padded through the apartment, engaging in his tasks but with only the bare minimum amount of attention.  He woke the children and as they ate, his mind ran at a million miles a minute.  It was difficult to blend together the colors that painted the full picture of his employer.  A prisoner of war, amazingly _not_ insane, sensitive to magic, tortured by mages yet married a fucking mage!, and freakishly OCD about everything. 

Despite all that, the most salient aspect was the way Mr. Fenris loved his mage children.  There wasn’t a shred of doubt he cared for them deeply, and Anders’ employment testified to that.  Watching them finish up their breakfast, he felt contentment at the prospect of seeing them grow and bloom into brilliant mages.  They had natural talent and curious personalities.  Mr. Fenris’ openness to a non-conventional education was admirable. 

And so was his face. 

Anders couldn’t keep from noticing that.  The man was delectable when he smiled.  When he teased him in the car the night before, that deep voice coupled with the hint of a grin sent Anders’ mind floating.  What would he sound like if Anders pressed his ear to his chest?

Anders abruptly slammed his hand down on the counter, the stinging pain set his mind right.  No.  He couldn’t, especially not now.  There were too many circumstances stacked against him.  Besides, Mr. Fenris wasn’t gay, or at least, he didn’t think so. 

“You alright Mr. Anders?”

“Did that hurt?”

Plastering on a playful smile, he dove into his duty to drive away the plaguing thoughts that were leading nowhere. 

“I’m fine.  You guys ready to go shopping?”

 

It was easier to keep track of the boys during the shopping trip since they stayed nearby to constantly ask if they could add something to the cart.  He regretfully said no to many things while making a mental note to ask Mr. Fenris if there could be any flexibility in shopping list.  Considering his early morning transgression, he stuck to the list. 

Leaving the store, the boys had another burst of energy.    

“Oh!  Oh!  Look!  Mr. Anders can we get this!?”  His excitement fueled dance kept Anders from clearly knowing what Malcolm was pointing to at the Redbox stand.    

Iovro rushed to his brother’s aide, slamming his body flat against the machine and stretching as high as he could reach to point to a movie displayed on the screen.  “This one!  This one!  It has a cat and a wolf and a dog and a spider!”

“Yeah, yeah!  An-and they have to go on a mission and then – “ Malcolm began spinning as he added the sound effects of animal and ray gun sounds. 

In his excitement, Malcolm bumped into a passerby who turned on him with the speed of a viper.  She squinted down at the boy in a manner that instantly made Anders’ hackles rise.  He swiftly put himself between the two.

“My apologies ma’am, he is merely excited that is all.” 

“He tried to cast a spell at me.”  The ability to detect the small flicker of magic from Malcolm only meant one thing – A Chantry Templar, oh joy.

“He was only surprised, no harm meant.”

“They should be in a Circle.”  Her prejudiced eyes compared Anders’ pale complexion against the rich terra-cotta tan of the twins.  “What are you to them?  Where is their parental mage?”

“I am their mage tutor, ma’am.  I – “

“Papers.  Now.”  Her clipped tone sent the boys hiding in Anders’ shadow. 

The requested work forms were produced from Anders’ wallet, but she was not satisfied.  “These are not the originals.”  Checking them once more, her haughtiness blossomed.  Her self-imposed superiority dripped from each word.  “Anders.  _Heh_.  I know you.  Trouble.  It’s no wonder you are walking around with forged papers.  Whose children did you steal?  Hmm?”

The woman made as if to maneuver around him but Anders pitched up a barrier over the boys.  “These children are my responsibility and you will not interfere!  Do not try my patience!  Return my papers and leave us be.”

She snarled at him, “How. Dare. You!  You are an affront to nature, an insult to the life-giving Breath of the Maker.  I will not be disrespected in such a manner.  Stand down or I will **make** you.”

Anders lowered his voice, “You attack and these children will be injured.  You can’t do that.  You have no right.  Let us leave in peace.”

“I have every right by the Sword of Andraste you will learn your place.”

“No.  You do not have the right.  If you value your life, you will back away.”  Anders and the woman both turned to the deep threatening voice.  Anders’ heart leapt for joy to see Mr. Fenris in his usual suit which carried more authority than Anders’ street clothes.  Mr. Fenris walked closer at a measured pace, calm but purposeful.  He meant business. 

The Templar’s voice boomed, unaffected by Mr. Fenris presence.  “This apostate’s paperwork is lacking the proper seals.”

Mr. Fenris snatched the papers from her hand and passed them back to Anders.  “What fool walks around a city like this with original Chantry paperwork?  You want verification, come by my office for yourself.  Perhaps you should have given my family better consideration for Circle admittance, Knight-Commander Meredith.” 

The name sent a chill down Anders’ spine.  _That_ was a name he’d never forget.

The battle of wills continued.  “Had I known you would resort to hiring a felon to train your children, perhaps the board would have.”

“A felon?  Since when is being critical of Chantry-Mage policies considered a felony?”  Mr. Fenris presented the challenge, knowing that she had no answer.

“That was not his only crime.  One more slip up and he would have been placed in my care to set straight.”  She leered at Anders in a way that made him believe that she would have tried harder than any before her.  Maybe even succeed.  The thought of someone changing who he was sickened him. 

“Be that as it may, this is where we are now.  I am taking my family home, _with_ our tutor and you will go about your day.”

The woman was wholly baffled, and sputtering as Fenris guided the boys safely to the car.  Anders pushed the groceries to follow his lead. 

Meredith was no satisfied, “I will be by your office!  This isn’t over!”

She had to shout her last words as the group walked steadily further away.  After they reached the car, Anders risked looking back over his shoulder.

“She has no reason to follow us.  She knows where to find me.”  Mr. Fenris opened the side door.  “Inside please.”  The boys jumped in the car at his command. 

Shutting the door behind them, Anders explained what happened in their relative privacy.  “…and it wasn’t his fault.  He was just surprised and that woman’s so damn tall, and freakishly ghoulish, who wouldn’t be a little shocked.  Don’t blame him.”

“I do not.”  The two finished loading bags in the trunk of the car.  After shutting it closed, Mr. Fenris cocked his head to the side and his ears twitched, “Did Meredith frighten you?”

“No!”  Anders immediately cast his eyes to the ground, “Maybe.  I…never mind, it’s not important.”

Firm hands grasped Anders by the arms and pulled him protectively closer.  “It is important if she threatens you.  I will not allow it.”

Mr. Fenris stared at him with rich green eyes.  In that moment, Anders knew he meant it.  Yet, Anders wasn’t ready to talk about Karl, not yet.  It was still too fresh for him.  Glancing back at where the confrontation occurred, the bright red rental stand gave him his out.

“Truly it’s nothing, although…I was getting excited to watch a movie with the twins.”  Which actually wasn’t a lie.  “The Chantry has a very small selection of movies.”

Mr. Fenris paused at the sudden change in topic.  The quiet hung for a few moments before he went along with obvious redirect, much to Anders’ relief.  “I suppose we should make an evening of it.”

 

The boys had definitely been rattled by the whole encounter.  During the car ride, the men kept them from thinking too much about the unpleasant encounter by asking them to recommend movies for Anders to watch.  This sent them into a frenzy as they named every movie they could think of and went into detail about their favorite parts. 

Back at the apartment, Anders set the last bag on the counter as Mr. Fenris began putting away the groceries.  “You know, I’m a little disappointed you didn’t sleep in longer.”

“It is difficult to break long standing habits.”

“So…you’re not mad at me for turning off your alarms?”  Anders shooed him away from doing his job.

Mr. Fenris poured himself a cup of coffee then perched himself on a barstool to watch Anders finished unpacking.  “Not mad.  Mildly annoyed.”

Anders let out a quiet breath of relief.  He could handle annoying.  "I hope you don't mind that I modified your menu.  Instead of all these pre-made, frozen nightmares, I'll prepare the meals."  Anders rose an admonishing finger when Fenris made to protest, "ah-ah-ah, none of that.  You're all about quality and healthy, and what's more healthy than made from scratch food?"

"Think you are smart do you?  Assuming my intentions.  I was unaware of that type of magic."  Mr. Fenris took another sip of his coffee and Anders had the strange feeling the man was hiding something. 

Dismissing the feeling, he jumped at the chance to tease his employer, "There’s no need for magic, I’m amazing remember?”

“I have not forgotten.  Annoying remember?”

“Besides, I've got you pegged." he held up the sheet of paper he found hanging in the pantry.  "Look at this!  This little gem right here details exactly what is in each aisle at the grocery."

"Shopping is easier when the list is organized by aisle."

Anders laughed out loud, "Oh, you are too much!"

"Is it a crime to want to maximize what little free time I have to spend with my children?  Laugh all you like, I have no regrets."

Anders' giddiness took on a slightly sober tone.  "Mr. Fenris, I know it can be hard to loosen control on such a significant portion of your life, but that’s what I’m here for.  You can’t work yourself ragged all the time.  Tell me you didn’t enjoy a few extra minutes in bed?  C’mon, wasn’t it nice to know you had one less thing to worry about?”

Mr. Fenris took a deep breath and answered on the exhale, “Yes.  It was pleasant.”  The small rumble in his voice sent Anders’ mind reeling, begging for the impossible – that voice whispering affectionately in his ear. 

The doorbell called Mr. Fenris away, and Anders shook his head to keep control of himself.  He wished Varric had never said anything.  That damn dwarf put the idea of seduction in his head and it wouldn’t leave him alone.  Time, that’s all he needed and they’d fall into the rigid pattern of boss and nanny as it should be. 

When Mr. Fenris returned to his seat and picked up his coffee.

“Was there no one at the door?”  Anders found it odd that someone would come all the way to the penthouse floor empty handed.

"A package for you." 

Anders felt a flush burn at the collar of his neck.  He’d been so excited about his new purchasing power, he hadn’t considered who else would be around when the assortment of ‘personal’ toys arrived.  He hoped the company used discrete packaging.  "Um, so…where is it?"

"I gave it to the boys.  They like opening boxes."

"You can’t be serious.  No!"  Anders bolted from the kitchen.

In the play room they had already torn off a strip of tape.  "Stop!  Please!"

He reached forward but was securely held outside the room by a firm arm.  "What is the matter?  They love playing with the packaging.  What could possibly be in there they could harm?"

"Oh please, no, no.  You don 't understand.  AAHHHH!!!"

Another piece of tape was ripped from the box.  Seeing the flaps pop open made Anders’ stomach drop.  He lunged forward but Mr. Fenris was stronger than he looked and kept him from crossing the threshold. 

What did he do to deserve this nightmare?  Iovro reached in to pull out a sheet of bubble wrap which was followed by a 'rattle' when the object it was protecting fell back into the box and hit the other purchases.

"Blessed Andraste why do you hate me?!!"

Anders fell to his knees, tucking his head in and covering his hot face with his hands.  Without question, this was the most embarrassing episode of his life.  Eyes cinched tight he heard the dreaded question from Malcolm, "Papa, what's this?"

Mr. Fenris' answer was deadpan.  "A toy." 

“Oh look, there’s another one in here!”  Iovro chimed in. 

"Anders, would you care to explain how it works?"  At Mr. Fenris’ question, Anders begged for the floor to swallow him whole. 

Anders cried out with a despondent moan. "Oh, please have mercy and kill me now!"

"I believe Anders should demonstrate for all of us how it works."

The boys began chanting as they continued to rummage in the box.  “Yes! Yes! Show us!” 

An electronic whirring signaled that the boys had found a power switch.  Why?  Why did he have to get the vibrating one?  Anders was on the verge of tears until a small object bumped into him.  Startled, confused, and at a dizzying loss as to what could have hit him, he dared a peek through his fingers.

Speechless, he watched two red and black RC cars buzz across the floor, tumbling over toys and crashing in to the wall.  The poor driving was probably attributed to the boys trying to crash into each other. 

"A, a car...it's a...then...what...?"  He looked up at his boss.  His arms were crossed and his face was lit up with uncontained amusement.  “You…” 

Seeing Mr. Fenris on the brink of a bursting into laughter confirmed his suspicion.  Anders eyes grew wide at the revelation and he jumped to his feet.  He pushed his boss, causing the elf to stumble backward into the hall, “You knew!  You did this on purpose!”

“What is the matter?”  Mr. Fenris continued his retreat back into the kitchen.   
“Don’t you know how to have a little fun?  Laugh a little?” 

Hearing his own words from the night before had Anders groaning, “Oh, you are a sly one.  Geez.”  He leaned against the counter, catching his breath for a second time and realizing his heart still pounded at a rapid pace. 

It didn’t help when Mr. Fenris pressed a comforting hand against his back.  It was warm and firm.  “I am certain you will be fine.  Your original box is in your room.  Perhaps using your own account for such purposes would offer more…privacy.”

“My…I thought I did.  I could have sworn that was the one Varric told me…”  Anders paused to recall what the man had said, replaying the encounter in his mind.  He remained convinced he’d used the right one.  Well, what was done was done.  “So, you knew the order was coming and switched the packages.”

“Yes.  This morning.”  He still sported his smug air as he settled down to sip his coffee.

“Well I certainly hope you didn’t try anything out before I got a chance to.” 

Mr. Fenris spit out his coffee and choked on it all at the same time.  His long ears fell lower and the tips turned a warm red color.  Anders barked with laughter at his revenge, “Haha!  Tell me, do you have any favorites yet?”

“ _Festis bei umo canavarum_.  Of course not!”  Still coughing, Mr. Fenris was unable to sound too stern. 

Anders grabbed a towel and cleaned up the coffee splatter, then poured his boss a fresh cup, even adding the same amount of cream he observed from the first cup.  Standing on the opposite side of the bar, he watched Mr. Fenris’ lean fingers play with the rim of the cup.  His skin matched the drink as the cream toned down the black liquid to a sepia brown.  Anders stared at the lightning bolt pattern of white that marred his skin, the lyrium.  Maker, it was everywhere.  How did he survive? 

“…help?”

Shaking his head, Anders looked up to meet Mr. Fenris’ eyes, “I’m sorry what was that?”

With an embarrassed twitch of his ears, Mr. Fenris restated his question, “Do you find that they help?”

Anders had to think on what his boss meant by the question.  “Oh!  You mean, by ‘purchases’?  Well, it’s not as though I’m dating anyone.”

“Good.”

The topic and Anders’ habit of flirting had him answering before he could carefully consider his response.  “So it’s good then?  Why?  You interested?”

There was a sinking of his guts when Mr. Fenris pushed back away from the counter shaking his head ‘no’ vehemently.  Just as Anders was ready to burst into apologies for his unwanted advance, Mr. Fenris jumped to his feet. 

“No.  Wait, my apologies.  That was unkind of me.  I did not mean…you are fine.”

Anders felt a wave of relief and rushed to save his floundering _heterosexual_ boss.  “It’s just you’re not into men.  I know, Varric told me.  I just couldn’t help giving you a hard time, that’s all.  I’m sorry if I got carried away.”

Mr. Fenris settled back onto his seat, his attention flittered from the depths of his coffee to the hallway where the boys played beyond.  His anxiousness spread to Anders but the mage had no idea how to address it other than wait in the awkward silence.   

“Until you arrived, I had not thought of such things.” 

“What things?”  Anders matched his boss’ lowered voice, clearly not wanting the children to eavesdrop. 

“Dating.”  He took a sip of his coffee.  Paused, and then another.  “Sex.”

“Well, aren’t you in luck that you have me now?”  When Mr. Fenris’ head jerked up suddenly, Anders laughed it off, “Wait, that came out wrong.  I meant, now you can think about such things.  I can easily handle the boys so you can have time to handle your boy.”

Mr. Fenris’ eyes mimicked Anders as they dipped lower to indicate which body part he meant.  His ears flushed again, “I am uncertain that is wise.  What woman is interested in a man whose priority is his children and not her?”

Anders placed his hand on the counter to lean forward encouragingly.  “Probably more than you think, besides, seeing someone isn’t permanent.  The whole point of dating is to test the waters.  Try something new, explore!  Who knows who you’ll find if you don’t try.”

Mr. Fenris nodded with a smile.  Anders watched with a baited breath as the other man’s hand reached for his, but then sadly fell short.  “Thank you for understanding.”

Pushing off from the counter, Anders set himself to the task of fixing lunch. 

“And the encouragement.”

The added comment caught Anders off guard.  He glanced over his shoulder and shot a smile that hid the disappointment as his ridiculous fantasy came to an end.  “Of course, any time.”

Really, the overused trope of the boss falling for the employee had no place in the real world. 

Mr. Fenris rose slowly, carefully choosing his words, though Anders could not guess why.  “I believe I will take your advice and get some more sleep.”

“As you say, I’ll save you a plate for when you wake up.”

 

 

“Look, you’re just not giving my plan a chance.”

Varric rolled his eyes, a gesture he was growing tired of performing.  Sometimes Isabela had the worst ideas and somehow managed to completely convince herself that they were the opposite. 

“That’s because it’s nug-shit insane.  There’s no way it’ll…”  A unique tone went off on Varric’s phone, one he hadn’t thought would ever sound.  He dropped everything, literally and pulled the device out of his pocket. 

“Ooo, what is that?  That’s a new tone isn’t it?  Does it mean someone is calling or that they are texting?  I can’t keep up hardly.”  Merrill sat on the couch with Isabela’s head resting in her lap.

Isabela turned on her side to cuddle closer to her love, “It’s his phone kitten, why would you need to know what each tone means?”

“Oh, yes, well.  I suppose you have a good point there.”  She looked up and commented on Varric’s concerned expression, “Everything alright?  It’s nothing bad I hope.”

“Broody had me do some work on his laptop shortly after we came up with this plan.  I may have installed a website logging app to gauge his possible interest in seeing men.”

Isabela laughed uproariously and kicked her feet against the armrest of the couch with glee, “You- haha!  You set up a notification to tell you if Fenris watched gay porn?!”

Merrill clapped her hands together excitedly.  “And it just sounded didn’t it?  That’s a good sign isn’t it?  I mean, it means he’s open to the idea, right?”

“What is this, day three?  We should have been placing bets on this.  My, my and in the middle of the day too.  Naughty!”  Isabela rose to join Varric’s side, “Aww, that’s disappointing, it’s not going to show us what he’s watching?”

“No!  I’m not _that_ invasive.”  As he spoke he was going through the motions of deleting the app from his phone.  He had all he needed.  “Alright, so, we know now he might be interested in the mage bait we’ve set up for him - ”

Isabela plopped down next to Merrill.  “Told you so.” 

Clapping his hands together and clearing his throat, Varric finished his train of thought, “Alright, so do we leave them as is, or should we find another way to add encouragement?”

“Um, shouldn’t we, I don’t know, maybe say something to Carver about all this?  This is really a family thing isn’t it?  In a way, no?” 

Isabela snaked an arm around Merrill’s trim waist and pulled her closer.  She kissed the elf’s bare shoulder, “Oh, Varric hasn’t told you the best part about all this, has he?”

“Oo!  No he hasn’t!  There’s more to the story then, yes?  Tell me!”

With a wave of his hand Varric soaked up Merrill’s rapt attention.  “All in due time Daisy.  You should know that with any decent story, it’s all about the pacing.”


	6. Something New

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris and Anders begin to push the bounds of propriety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poorly edited. Sorry, but not sorry. You've been warned.

In the solitude of his room, Fenris sat quiet at his desk with head in his hands.  He couldn’t think straight.  It was impossible for him to have his thoughts and feelings fit together neatly.  The world was a jumble. His chest heaved with warring thoughts, each one conflicting with the other. 

He was the boss.  Anders was an employee.

He liked women.  Anders was a man.

Dragging his face from his palms, his fingers ran down his face as he pondered the vast possibilities of the internet. 

Curiosity burned at his fingertips and dried out his mouth.  _Was_ he attracted to Anders?  Was there more…what did this mean for his marriage with Marian?  _Fasta Vass!_   Had he been lying to himself? 

His head fell to the desk with a loud groan.  Why was this so difficult?  Was it?  Is he just being stubborn?

He pushed off from the desk forcefully and just barely caught his chair before it crashed to the floor.  Pacing the room didn’t help but he didn’t know what to do with his energy.  The ceaseless mental ramblings were interrupted shortly later by a loud cry from the living room.  As a father, he had learned the distinct characteristics of each sound his boys made, from crying in fear, in pain, and in this particular instance – crying in frustration. 

Instinctively he rushed to the door, primed and prepped to calm the offended child down and chide the other for his offense.  In the hallway, he stopped short seeing that Anders was already kneeling on the floor trying to comfort Malcolm who was in tears. 

“…Oh come now, Malcolm.  Iovro is trying to apologize.”

Fenris caught his breath and stepped back to hide behind the corner to listen in. 

Anders tried harder to get Malcolm to calm down.  “Can’t you give him a hug?”

“No!  I wanted it and now it’s gone!”  The boy shouted defiantly, but at least giving a response eased up the crying to intermittent sniffles. 

Anders didn’t react at all to the biting retort and kept his voice smooth and even.  “But he said he was sorry, it was an honest mistake.” 

“I’m never going to give hugs.  EVER. AGAIN!”

“Hey, now don’t say that.”  Fenris leaned his head against the wall with an unconscious smile creeping up his cheeks.  Damn if the man wasn’t as comforting as hot chocolate on a cold, stormy night.  Anders gently pressed on, oblivious to his hidden admirer.  “The number one rule with family is – you always give hugs.”

Fenris listened as the hiccupped sniffles were abated with a rub of the hand, “Always?”

“Always.” 

Chancing a peek, Fenris peered around the corner ever so slowly.  Anders gave Iovro a small nudge. 

“Malcolm, I’m sorry I ate the last one.  I was not very good at sharing.”

Anders gave one last wide-eyed plea for Malcolm to accept the apology.  The look on that beautiful man’s face would melt the heart of an ogre and put a kitten to shame. 

“Okay.”  Malcolm reached out an accepted his brother in a tight hug.  Both ended up smiling as they rocked back and forth before ending up in a wrestling pile on the carpet. 

Fenris returned to his room with the fading sound of giggling and bursts of laughter trickling behind him.  Back at the desk, he couldn’t deny that Anders was wonderful with the boys.  Considerate, kind, and protective.

He thought back on the afternoon when Anders put himself between the Templar and the boys.  He had been ready.  Fenris had felt the prickle of magic calling out to the lyrium in his skin.  There was no bluff to be found in Anders’ eyes – only determination. 

Would his sons face similar challenges?  Similar moments of unjust persecution?

One thing was certain; Anders wasn’t going anywhere.  Taking up his phone, he called Orana and gave her warning about Meredith’s upcoming visit.  Fenris was certain that the afternoon’s slight wouldn’t be forgotten. 

“…and be sure to let Varric know as well.  He is sure to know some of the legalities pertaining to this.”

_“Of course.  Anything else?”_

“Not for the moment, thank you.”  There was nothing she could do, but a haunting voice tickled the back of his brain.  Mentioning Varric reminded him of the ‘upgrade’ he’s done on the computer’s operating system naught but a few weeks ago.  Before he left, he mentioned leaving a folder for when Fenris found some _alone_ time. 

Fenris hadn’t given the little desktop shortcut a second thought until now.  He stared at it as if that alone would launch the app. 

_“Besides, it’s not as if you’re attracted to him.  You aren’t aaaare you?”_

The echo of Varric’s tease formed a lump in his throat.  Had he not thought of touching Anders at least once?  To press his body to his and simply inhale at the nape of his neck?  Could he run his fingers…

“This is ridiculous!”  Fenris spat in a low tone at the unsympathetic computer. 

He needed a clear head.  Pinching his eyes shut, he let his head drop to his chest.  The only thing that came to mind was rubbing one out then drawing up a list of ‘pros’ and ‘cons’ of dating Anders.

Even thinking about the notion made his stomach both giddy in excitement and nervous at the impropriety of it.  People would talk.  Some would view him as taking advantage of his employee. 

His phone lit up to a neutral, common tone.  It wasn’t until he looked at the screen in disgust that he knew the caller – Carver Hawke.  Without a second thought he hit the mute button to let it go to voicemail.  Talk to Carver or have a root canal, both had the same appeal.

A new _ding_.  The asshole left a message.  That’s a first.

Fenris tossed the phone to the far corner of his bed and as his head turned back to the monitor, his eyes subconsciously fell on the little smiling emoji shortcut.  With a sigh and a roll of his eyes, he finally clicked on it.   A black page sprung into life, tiling his screen with gifs of couples in the midst of overly enthusiastic sex.  The endless loops were more confusing than arousing.  A select two were down right disgusting.

A bar across the top of the page offered the options to search, list by most viewed, or list by category.

Fenris’ eyes darted about the room even though he knew no one was watching.  Was this really a common thing for people to indulge in?  Letting the site guide his actions, he clicked on ‘category’ hoping to eliminate some of the more disturbing acts. 

Static pictures filled the screen, listed in alphabetical order.  Scanning all the possibilities, he began to wonder how they were cross-categorized and if there was a ranking system on the tags that affected their placement on the list of results.  Would a video with only a minute of blow jobs be lower on the list than a video with ten minutes?  Would high demand acts carry more weight in the ranking system?

While deep in his wonderings, he looked up to find the main page of gay porn.  Or had he intended to end up here from the beginning?

Flicking the wheel on his mouse, he scrolled through the endless offerings.  The first one that was vaguely appealing, featured a blonde and a thin, dark haired lad in his early twenties.  A barrage of questions and doubts assailed his thoughts, but his hand worked independently and pressed ‘play’.   

He swallowed thickly.  Heavy self-conscientiousness, and a bit of guilt swirled in his stomach.  He wasn't even certain this was something Anders would want, let alone what _he_ wanted.  But it was the natural conclusion of relationships, wasn’t it?

The video began with a forced conversation between the two men from a script a child could have written.  Immediately deciding this was irrelevant, he moved the slider bar to halfway through the movie.

The coy script was gone, along with their clothes.  The blonde now stood behind his partner, his fingers threaded coarsely in his hair as he torqued the man’s head backward.  The blonde's other hand slammed down without mercy to spank the reddened ass he was thrusting into without mercy.

_"Yeah, take it you little whore.  Cry for me.  Be my little cum-slut."_

Fenris immediately closed the window in the middle of the dark-haired man's tormented scream.  As an added measure, he turned off the computer. A cold chill prickled his skin and he jumped up from his chair.

 _Fasta Vass_!  Is that what Anders would want from him?  He couldn’t. 

Tripping over his shoe, he caught himself on the bed, then slid to the floor.  Hunched over with his back against the footboard, he curled his legs tight to his body. 

It was beginning again, he felt the panic seeping out from his core. 

Not now…

His fingers bored into his legs with as much force as he could manage.  The shaking still wouldn’t stop.  It refused to be contained and vibrated with greater effort to be free.  With his legs pressed to his chest, he struggled to breathe, but he didn’t dare let up.  He had to hold it together.  He had to find a way.  He had to push forward.  For them.

But Anders was there now.

Anders the protector. 

 

He had them. 

 

 

 

 

He had them…

 

 

 

 

“Mr. Fenris?  Are you alright?  What happened?”

Fenris stared blurry eyed at Anders above him, not sure what he was saying.  It took a few seconds to process that Anders held him by the shoulders.  Fenris was on the floor.

“I….it appears I fell out of bed.”

Anders ran a warm hand over Fenris’ forehead.  As he pressed down to gauge his temperature, Fenris let his eyes fall closed. 

“May I?”

Eyes still shut, Fenris mumbled, “May you what?”

“May I use magic to check you for any injuries?”

Fenris’ eyes fluttered open ever so slightly, still heavy with fatigue that refused to leave him.  “Why would you ask?”

“Well, your tattoos – “

The mention of his markings had Fenris bolt up onto his feet.  He staggered to the window then braced his hands on the sill, his eyes wide, but his vision didn’t take in an iota of the vista.

The silence was thick.  Or more like a more like a zit that had to be popped but no one wanted to deal with the nasty that would spill forth.  There was no pretty way out of this conversation.  Hence, why Fenris tried to avoid it. 

Anders hadn’t moved.    

An eternity passed, or perhaps more accurately a minute or so.  Fenris listened to the soft ruffle of clothing when Anders stood. 

“Spare me your judgements.   I have heard them before.”  Fenris choked down a bitter lump and found himself repeating Carver’s words.  “Weak.  Addle minded.  Playing roulette with the demon of insanity.  Fucking reckless.”  His head fell forward to bang on the glass, he whispered from emotional exhaustion.  “A danger.”

“No.”  Anders placed a firm hand on Fenris’ shoulder and waited for their gaze to meet before finishing.  “You are a great man.  What those blood mages did…I know it sounds clichéd but, what they did was abominable and, Maker’s breath, you’re alive.  After all these years still alive and not only that, you are thriving.”

“Says the man who has known me but a day.”

“Two days you cranky bastard.  Listen, I know you better than you think.  I have spent the past forty-eight hours with the kindest, most loving, intelligent and talented boys that I have met in years.  The dedication and effort you have funneled into your children is more admirable than the accomplishments of the blighted Hero of Fereldan.”  Anders spoke with fire and passion.  Fenris’ attention was wrapped around his little finger with each breath the blonde took.  He’d almost forgotten that he was the subject of Anders’ veneration.  “People should be throwing themselves at you.”

“This…this is the worst flirting that you have managed in two days.”  They shared a tension breaking chuckle.

Anders smiled wide and squeezed Fenris’ shoulder, “Is that an invitation to keep trying?”

“It is amusing to listen to you flounder.  I encourage it.”  There was another moment of amicable, gentle laughter. 

“Thank you, for your kind words about my branding.  I needed that more than you can imagine.  It is difficult to see the progress when one still struggles with it daily.”

Anders shrugged and diverted his eyes as they rounded back on topic.  “I’m not going to pretend to be naive and say that everything is going to be better.  I mean, shit happens, it always does.  Pain and suffering are just, shitty.  But I am here to help.  However you need.”

“Again.  Thank you.  I believe you and appreciate your honesty – wait.  What are the boys up to?”

Anders tossed a thumb over his shoulder, “In the living room doing lessons.” 

“You left them _alone_ to practice magic?”

“No, they’re practicing their letters.  I teach more than just magic you know.  They are creative boys but their penmanship is horrific!” 

Fenris sighed then ran his hand through his hair.  “Apologies.  I did not mean to imply you were being negligent.  I am accustomed to- “

Anders waved a forgiving hand, “You are accustomed to being alone.  No offense taken.”  Anders propped out an elbow.  “I have lunch ready for you.”

Fenris sneered at the offered assistance with a hint of teasing.  “I will not be your damsel in distress.  I am fine.  Put that away.”

Anders bowed mockingly and swept his hand outward, “Then lead the way oh, mighty knight in shining armor!”

“Insufferable ass.”

“Oh?  I didn’t think you noticed my ass.  I also think it’s quite nice.”

A wave of heat rushed to the tips of Fenris’ ears.  He knew by the amused grin on Anders’ face that they’d betrayed him and changed to an embarrassing rouge.  His hands shot up to try and rub out the color, and hide the frustrated twitching. 

“Watch yourself or I will toss you out on that fine ass.”  He regretted his word choice the millisecond he said them and Anders giggled.  “NOT ANOTHER WORD OR YOU WILL REGRET IT!”

Anders bit his lip, struggling to contain his giddiness, but the laughter still spilled over.  His checks were red and his eyes were pools of joy.  Fenris wanted to fall and be lost within them, but he’d made his threat and by the looks of things, he’d have to follow through.

“Anders….”

“F-f-f-…”

“Restrain yourself….”

Casting aside any regard for self-preservation, Anders’ smile grew to a brilliant wall of white, a dimple tucked into the left cheek.  “ _Fine._ ”

Snarling half-heartedly, Fenris lunged forward, his lyrium flaring to life with a white-hot flash of light.  Anders’ eyes popped wide open and his jaw went slack until Fenris reached out and tapped his chest with the tips of his fingers.  Small bolts of blue lightning flickered and snaked over Anders’ torso as the energy eagerly leapt from one man to the other. 

“What have you –“  He couldn’t finish.  Within an instant Anders was on the ground cradling his stomach and crying out for mercy.  Tears rolled from his eyes. 

“MAKER’S MERCY MAKE IT STOP!  I CAN’T! Hahahaaaha, hee-hee, *snort*, p-please, gahahahaha!!” 

Fenris stood over him to enjoy watching the fit of giggles consume Anders.  “Cast a frosting spell to dissipate the disruption.”  Fenris’ skin prickled as the mage cast.  Once he lay still and the waning puffs of laughter eased Anders’ features, he offered his hand. 

Anders pulled himself up, then shoved Fenris against the wall. “Who’s the ass now?  What in the Void was that?  Geez.  I don’t know whether to be pissed off or impressed.”

Undaunted, Fenris leveled his gaze at him.  “Grateful.  It took Hawke months to figure out the frosting spell.  I had no obligation to tell you.”

Anders pinned Fenris in place by bracing his hands on either side of his shoulders.  His voiced dipped low and he spoke barely above a whisper.  “I’d be more grateful to know when I get a turn to set you writhing.”

That was blunt.  There was no mistaking his intent.  If Fenris was going to save himself, now was that time. 

_Tell him to stop._

_Push him back and say you were mistaken._

_You are not his whore._

_Take back what you said!_

**_This flirting is getting out of hand!!_ **

Logic was in a full rant.  Raving and foaming at the mouth at how reckless Fenris was being.  Unfortunately for Logic, Happiness was sweeping through Fenris’ body like a freight train on fire.  The companionship, the teasing, the play, the overwhelming comfort.  Fenris craved more.  He was a starving man let into a bakery and he demanded to bathe in this icing of ecstasy.

_Tell him now before it is too late!!_

_Tell him…tell him…you…want…more. **More.**_

“Mr. Anders!  I finished my letters!!  Can I watch a play with the Legos now?!”

“No!  I’m not done.  You have to wait!”

“It appears you are wanted elsewhere.”  Fenris was mildly annoyed at how breathless the words came, yet he was not disappointed in the earned response.

Anders pushed off from the wall and made for the hallway.  “It’s good to know I am wanted by so many.”  A sly wink and he was gone through the doorway. 

Fenris pressed his hands to his face, gathered his thoughts for what seemed like the hundredth time in a few short hours.  They were doing this.  They were playing this dangerous game that sent his heart racing, whether in fear or excitement, he did not know. 

He smiled into his palms, then ruffled his short hair.  This was going to complicate things. 

A wave of laughter and playful screaming came from the living room.

Or make things better. 

The rest of the afternoon was leisurely spent watching Anders tend for his children as he answered a few random emails from work, finished up an exit report and drank a bitter tea Anders had prepared.  Fenris drank it slowly, adding sugar when he could.  He had excelled at so much, Fenris allowed him this one flaw. 

Dinner preparation had filled the entire apartment with rich aromas and Anders’ lessons put a tingle of magic in the air.  Anders’ efficiency allowed Fenris time to contemplate his panic attack that didn’t happened.  Fenris was unprepared for this type of development.  For the first time in years, he successfully avoided a painic attack.  All too familiar with the signs of its onset, he still found himself surprised that he’d simply fallen asleep.  Not exactly a desirable outcome, but certainly a preferable one.  He felt no pain and when he woke he was only mildly disoriented. 

He didn't feel alone.

The video from earlier tried to pop into his mind and dissuade him from falling prey to the constant tug at his need for intimacy.  A shake of his head and a glance at the carefree blonde and he knew Anders wouldn't treat him like that.  Too gentle and too kind.  Not him.  
  
The flutter in his stomach seized in his throat when Anders caught him staring.  Fenris aimed to hide his attention behind a cough, but it was too late.  Anders' cocky grin was as irritating as it was enticing.

The Mage sauntered past Fenris to stand opposite him in the kitchen.  The counter provided a safe, physical buffer.

"Are you ready?"

Fenris sat up straighter as he cocked his head to the side.

"You haven't forgotten have you?  The movie?"

"Oh- yes.  Of course.  Proceed."  Fenris was further confused as he watched the man bounce on his heels in glee before dancing around the kitchen to cook popcorn and chex-mix.  Propping his elbow on the counter, Fenris cradled a check with his fist.  “Is there ever a moment when you are not absurd?”

“I believe the word you’re attempting to use is amazing.  So no, I’m always amazing.”

Fenris scoffed, “I thought you were an adult.”

“I don’t have to be with you here.  You’re adult enough for us both.”

Following his lead, Fenris joined everyone in the living room.  After much debate and wiggling and arguing, the twins decided to have Anders and Fenris in the middle with Malcolm next to Anders and Iovro next to his Papa.  The whole accommodations and snacks turned out to be mostly a waste since the boys fell asleep within thirty minutes.

Fenris sat rigid, clearly not wanting to encourage any nonsense with the boys beside them.  He needn’t have worried though.  Anders was enthralled with the movie.  Sitting on the edge of the couch, his full attention absorbing the colorful characters.  He giggled at more children’s jokes than the ones meant for adults.  He was wholly entertained. 

“Did you miss this when it was in theaters?”

“Hmm?”  Anders didn’t look away from the screen as he answered.  “Oh, I've never been to the theaters.  The Chantry keeps a tight grip on the types of ‘wholesome’ movies permitted in the library.  Everyone in here is happy.  There’s no needless suffering to make a point about how wonderful the Maker is.  It’s just simple and wonderful.”

A thought sprouted instantly in Fenris’ brain, “When you took the boys to the Fair, was that because they wanted to go or because you did?”

At this, Anders sat back in the couch, lining up next to Fenris.  “I won’t lie and say that I didn’t want to go.  When you’re in the Circle, you don’t get out much.”

“Hmmm.  Hawke was right to fear it.”  Fenris shook his head.  “No.  She feared nothing.  Better, she hated it.”

“A wise woman.”  Anders dipped his head as he said it quietly.  He swallowed then processed a deep breath.  “Are you still certain I am permitted to flirt?  Even if it goes nowhere?”

A flash of panic pierced through Fenris.  What did this mean?  Did he want something.  Staring back into his honey colored eyes he knew the man wanted something.  He wasn’t ready for, for, what?  A kiss?  It was too fast!  Too soon, but he couldn’t stop…

“It could go somewhere.” 

Anders expression melted into one of utmost contentment.  He slouched further into the couch and leaned against Fenris’ shoulder.  Knowing that position couldn’t be comfortable, Fenris raised his arm to wrap around Anders so his head was tucked into crook of his arm. 

That’s how they stayed for the remainder of the movie.  Fenris ignored the screenplay and enjoyed the shake of the mage when he laughed.  The steady wave motion of his breathing.  The heat of Anders solid body on his own excited him in a way that surprised him.  Pulling Anders closer, holding him tight didn’t feel as odd as he thought.  He wasn’t as soft as Marian had been but, he was a welcome presence, desirable even. 

Fenris desired for Anders to stay close.  To always be near. 

 

“The movie is over.”

“Really?”  Looking up, Fenris watched the last lines of the credits scroll to the top of the screen. 

Anders nuzzled into Fenris’ chest, careful not to overly disturb Malcolm whose legs were strewn over his lap.  “Easy to lose track of time when admiring someone so handsome.”

“Why yes.  My sons do come from superior stock.”  Pushing Anders off of him, he curled Iovro in his arms.  “And they need to be in bed.”

The apartment was dark, but Anders had done well in keeping up the standard of cleanliness Fenris preferred.  He traversed the space easily to deposit his slumbering offspring in his own bed.  Anders was close behind, so he waited for him in the hallway. 

Duty complete, Fenris was surprised when Anders exited the room and turned for his own.  He reached out quickly to stop him as he placed a hand on the door handle. 

“Wait.”  They faced each other but there was nothing to see, no expressions, just dark silhouettes. 

“Eager to finish what we started?”  Anders purred softly as he stepped closer.  It was frustrating to not see his face, despite how close they were. 

“I – We need to have a plan.  I have to know what comes next.” 

“Do we?  We planned to avoid this and look what happened.  You were straight this morning.”

“I am – figuring that out.”  Fenris felt the weight in his hand and belatedly let go of Anders.  He crossed his arms and ended up hugging himself to calm his nerves.  “It has been so long…”

A slight motion indicated that Anders was taken aback.  “You haven’t dated since…in all these years?”  He then shifted his weight to the other foot.  “It is dating you are talking about, right?”

“I do not know what I want.  It has been a long time since I have acted on what I want.  The feeling is strange.” 

Standing there doing nothing also felt strange.  Braving step forward, Fenris was disappointed when Anders stepped backward.

“How about we start with a date?  A real one.”

Clenching and flexing his fingers, Fenris tried to work through this nerves, reminding himself that this was good.  Not what he’d thought would happen, but still good.  Things can change and still be good.

“A nanny for my nanny.  The trouble you cause me…”

Anders’ arms gracefully captured Fenris’ body, one snaking behind his back, the other sliding around his waist.  The quick swooping gestures stole Fenris’ breath away and he remained frozen in the tall mage’s arms.  Anders’ lips danced over his own, “Hopefully I’m worth it.” 

Anders’ arms coiled tighter and he dipped his head to one side, avoiding the kiss that Fenris expected and instead, buried his nose in Fenris’ shoulder.  The hug was incredible and overpowering.  Fenris was awash in relief and the faint smell of coconut and sweet grass. 

_Don’t let go._

And he didn’t.  It should have been awkward-it should have ended moments ago.  Anders only hummed in approval now an again, his fingers finding and massaging knots Fenris never knew existed.  Fenris held on for what had to have been minutes.  His grip on Anders’ clothes loosened and his arms fell to his sides. 

“I will figure this out.  Come what may.”  Fenris left Anders but remembered to be civil despite the hurricane of emotions roiling through his body.  “Good night Anders.”

 

 _Come what may._ It wasn’t intended to mean he had cast his life into the hands of the fates.  No, Fenris challenged the Maker to fuck this up for him.  _Come what may, I will pursue this._


	7. A Disastrous Date (NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders and Fenris go on a date and it doesn't go as planned.  
> TW:mention of suicide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the long update makes up for the delay in updates. Happy New Year!

_The elevator ascends at a steady pace.  The floors tick off one by one, but to Anders, it’s as if it is counting down, scratching away at each layer of restraint that he possesses.  Looking out of the corner of his eye, he grazes on the handsome elf, feasting on his good looks.  In a suit, of course.  Well-tailored to bring out every sturdy line of his physique.  The way his trousers hugged his hips begged to be tucked between Anders’ thighs._

_He’s caught staring.  Jerking his head away, Anders can feel the flush of red charging to the surface of his face.  Waiting for a reprimand, some sort of admonishment for his terrible behavior, he is instead jostled to land on his ass as the elevator comes to an abrupt halt._

_Fenris stands over him, always steady on his feet, always in control.  He likes that.  Anders’ mind drifts quickly from wondering why they have come to a halt and instead dances with the idea of Fenris tossing him down on a bed, looming over him just like this, then fucking him hard into the mattress.  He tries to swallow but it’s stuck in his throat.  Attempting to get up is just as difficult._

_Fenris doesn’t offer to help.  Stepping closer, the click of his expensive heels causes shocks of excitement to jolt through Anders’ body.  He squats next to Anders and places a hand on the mage’s knee._

_Eyes wide, hands shaking, Anders sees an opening and boldly, he takes it.  “I think we may be stuck here for a while.  Any ideas on how we could spend the time?”_

_Fenris’ hand slides down Anders’ inner thigh, his fingers pressing into his skin, harder and harder as he creeps dangerously close to the mage’s cash-and-prizes nestled between his legs.  Those beautiful, nimble elven fingers reach their goal and ever so skillfully palm him.  First caressing his sac rendering the man to a puddle of jelly, then slowly moving up over the shaft._

_Anders is hard.  He always is around his employer, he can’t help it.  Anders fights a battle of wills – his eyes wish to roll into the back of his head and enjoy the pleasure but his mind wishes to watch and savor the moment._

_The lovely hand continues its journey over his stomach, Anders’ tilts his head to meet Fenris’ gaze as the elf begins to crawl over him to reach his upper body._

_“Maker~”  A soft, humble whisper falls from Anders lips._

_Fenris settles between his legs, his hands braced around his employee’s head.  Anders feels it.  The warm, rounded and unmistakable hardness.  It feels magical against his body.  It presses ever so urgently alongside his own._

_Fenris adjusts his body.  Both cocks now throb heatedly next to each other.  Anders bucks instinctively, crying out with a desperate moan.  Fenris ducks his head close, first to kiss his earlobe, then nibble on it, sucking delicately as he too, grinds against Anders._

_Wrapping his legs around the lithe figure, his arms about his torso, Anders can feel the taunt muscles hidden beneath the fancy fabrics._

_“Yes, please, Fenris….oh, please don’t stop!  Take me, fill me with your man cream!”_

 

“Stop!  Please!  No, no!”  Varric turns his head in disgust, then waves at Isabela.  The woman is straddled across the thick arm of the couch, grinding with exaggerated enthusiasm to demonstrate how the two men might join.  “Rivani, I’m going to need some special sort of mind bleach for that one.” 

“What?  I thought you liked a little flare in your storytelling?”  Pouting, Isabela slid off the arm to land next to a giggling Merrill.  The three of them were enjoying an early breakfast at the ladies’ apartment to hash out their newest plan for Fenris. 

Merrill coughed to clear out the last of her laughter, then posed, “But, it wasn’t quite accurate, was it?  I mean, wouldn’t Anders call him Leto?”

“Oh, please Kitten, no one calls him Leto.  Not even Marian.”  Isabela pointed at Varric, “I’m telling you we should rig the elevator.  Have them trapped for a few hours in close quarters, slow jams playing over the speakers, then crank up the heat.” 

Merrill covered her mouth as she giggled at Isabela’s suggestions. 

Another sigh, sent Varric’s hands up to rub at his temples.  Perhaps inviting Isabela in on this scheming wasn’t the best idea.  “Rivani, you’re about as subtle as an ax to the face.  Besides, if he’s stuck in an elevator, he’ll be too worried about the boys to even think about seduction.”

“Alright, I guess there is that.”  She waved a dismissive hand at him before rising to refill her coffee.  With a splash of rum.  She leaned backward on the counter to round back on him.  “I still think it’s better than your idea.” 

“Oh really?”  Leaning to have his elbows rest on his knees, Varric templed his fingers.  “Want to place a wager on that?” 

“On your scheme?”  She tossed her head back with a melodic laugh.  “Resulting in coital-nasty-mc-sex-town?  Ha!  You’re on dwarf.”

He shifted in the overstuffed chair to reach his phone.  Tapping on the speed dial, he smiled confidently at Rivani.  The woman may profess immense knowledge in the art of seduction, but Varric understood people and the need for a connection.  He knew just the solution.

“Hey Broody!  How’s it going?  Good, good.  Listen, I hate to do this to you but I have to cancel our dinner meeting tonight.  Yeah, yeah.  Something’s come up.”  Listening to Fenris’ response, he lounged back in the chair, propping his feet up on the ottoman.  “Well, of course.  Be my guest, I hope you have good evening.”

Putting the phone away, he cocked his head at Merrill and waited.  Within seconds her phone rang. 

“Yes?  OOooo!  Yes!  I’d love to have the boys!  Anytime!  Oh!  I know what we can do, we can first start off with…hm?  Oh, yes, so sorry.  Of course.  See you tonight then.”  Merrill shoved her hands between her thighs and grinned up at Isabela in excitement.  “We’re watching the twins tonight!  Looks like Varric was right, doesn’t it?”

Dismissing her Love’s amusement at her expense, Isabela was not discouraged.  “Oh, please.  Don’t think you’ve won yet.”

Varric pushed himself up with a stretch and a small groan.  “You keep telling yourself that.  I on the other hand have some work to get done before Monday.  Templar nuisance to shove out of the way.  I actually may need your help if I can’t get everything together I need.”

Both Merrill and Isabela sobered in an instant.  Isabela donned her murder face, “What Templar nonsense?”

 

***

Malcolm followed Anders instructions well, tapping the egg, then cracking it open over the skillet.  The boy gave a small whine when bits of shell fell in with the goo.

“Don’t worry, here, use the shell to scoop it up.  See?  Not a tragedy at all.” 

“I want a turn!  I want a turn!”  Iovro bounced up and down as he attempted to see his brother’s work.

“Take it easy, we haven’t finished cooking yet.”  Laughing, Anders marveled at his contentment. 

He had enjoyed teaching eager students in the Circle, but being able to focus everything on only two pupils was wonderful.  He wanted to show them everything, teach all about the wonders all around them.  They were eager sponges that still saw the world with awe.  He never wanted that to pewter out.  He never wanted them to be wedged into a harsh system that despised creativity and the ‘new’. 

Watching them both, he was constantly torn by the desire to hug them.  His position with the family made that a bit inappropriate, yet, with the recent developments….maybe one day. 

“Mr. Anders, if I hold my nose and close my mouth and blow will my eyes pop out?”  Chuckling, Anders politely informed Iovro that they wouldn’t, much to the boy’s disappointment. 

Movement across the room caught his eye and Anders watched Mr. Fenris emerge from his room.  Even this early in the morning he was well dressed, groomed and ready for the day.  A small part of him was remorseful that his boss didn’t lounge about in boxers and a loosely tied robe. 

Anders gave a swift nod as Mr. Fenris settled at the kitchen bar, the same seat as always.  “Good morning Mr. Fenris.”

“Good morning.”  Maker, that man’s voice was perfection, made all the more delicious by a morning roughness.  “I called Merrill this morning, she and Isabela have agreed to watch the boys tonight.”

“Yay!  I have to show her my new car!”  Iorvo ran off for the playroom.

Malcolm started skipping circles around Anders, “Mr. Anders, let’s do the ice spell again!  I wanna show her the ice spell.” 

Plucking up the bouncing boy, Anders set him down firmly next to his father.  “Slow down there.  You need to eat breakfast if you’re going to have any energy to cast.”

His legs kicked wildly as he hummed a tune between bites.  One settled, one to go. 

“Iovro, do you still want to cook your breakfast?”

“Um.  Yeeesss!”  He came running with the final word, sounding more like a freight train than a kid.  He took Malcolm’s spot on the stepstool, slapping his car down on the counter, ready to work.  

“Toys off the counter please.”  Anders set Iovro to cooking, then asked Mr. Fenris, “That’s convenient.” 

For a moment, Anders imagined he sounded like a desperate lecher and quickly tried to make amends, “Well, if you think so.  I didn’t mean to imply- ” 

He had no idea how soon, ‘soon’ meant, or even if he was still serious about going on a date.  Plus, there were the kids to consider, Andraste’s tits, he hadn’t even considered if Mr. Fenris even wanted them knowing.  As suave and well-practiced as he was with romance, navigating the dating waters with a partner who had kids was a new ocean to him entirely. 

He looked to Mr. Fenris for guidance and thankfully, he smiled encouragingly.  “Entirely my decision.  Varric and I were to have a business dinner and he had to cancel.  Not wishing to waste the reservations, I have decided to take you.”

Anders felt the heat of a blush flood his cheeks, he wanted to shy away but knew it was too late.  Instead he fixed his eyes on his date, “You’ve made me blush.”  Anders leaned over the counter to keep the conversation just between the two of them.  “I look forward to learning what else you can make me do.” 

Satisfied that his date wore the same color as he, Anders slipped back into his routine with a light and eager heart.  Tonight was going to be wonderful.

 

That evening Anders dressed in the nicest clothes he had, a button-down shirt and pressed slacks.  They were a little out of style since he’d purchased them from a second-hand store, but it was all he could afford at the time. 

When he came out to the living room, Mr. Fenris wore a formal jacket and tie.  It hadn’t occurred to Anders that they might go somewhere with a strict dress code.  He felt a little pang at the disparity of their social status.  That formal jacket could easily cost more than Anders made in a month, or even a few months.  However, upon seeing Anders, Mr. Fenris casually removed the tie and jacket to better match their attire. 

The two women who came to collect the boys were the farthest cry from the type of people Anders would ever guess to be acquaintances of Mr. Fenris.  Isabela was powerful curves and thick dark hair.  Her body piercings weren’t limited to her visage and even poked through her clothing, leaving nothing to the imagination.  If there were any doubt, she’d even offered to give Anders a peek later. 

Merrill was a dear, soft spoken elven woman whose excitement about _everything_ led her to ramble a bit.  If her long beautiful fingers didn’t proclaim her an artist, then Isabela’s constant cooing over Merrill’s latest ‘project’ would have.  The sweet woman was modest about her work and even a bit shy when Isabela demanded that Mr. Fenris bring Anders to the studio, which he promised to do at a later date.

“Remember, the boys are not permitted in the studio, even if the furnace is off.”  Mr. Fenris called out as the group walked out the door. 

“Spoil sport.  Fine, late night sci-fi and all the candy we can stuff in them.”  She quickly shut the door behind her, slamming out in any further arguments. 

“Well, they are a bit...eccentric.”  said Anders. 

“They are, but good friends.  They were invaluable after Marian-“  Mr. Fenris shook off whatever else had come to mind and instead walked to the kitchen.

Returning to Anders’ side, he withdrew a sheet of paper from a folder.  On it was a matrix of destinations, their hours, attractions, and the travel time between them.  Using this sheet, one could place the events in any order and determine exactly how long it would take to get to each place and how much time they would spend there. 

“We have the whole evening open and the restaurant is walking distance from here, as well as all these other places.”  Mr. Fenris pulled out another sheet of paper.  “Or if you so desire, we can drive to these locations.  I have shortened the list to areas near the girls’ apartment in the event the boys call.”

Anders was unaware of his stunned silence until Mr. Fenris turned to discard the folder, mumbling, “…should have listened to Varric…” 

“No!  I…wow, don’t.”  Anders snatched the folder before it plopped into the trash.  “I was only surprised…I – “ holding the folder close to his chest, Anders felt silly, but with Mr. Fenris, it didn’t feel so embarrassing.  “I’ve never had anyone put so much thought into a date with me before.  Thank you, this is wonderful.”

Mr. Fenris wasn’t entirely at ease yet, his long ears twitched as the man thought long and hard before settling on asking Anders, “How do we start…this?”

“However you wish.”  Anders passed back the folder.  “If it’s easier for you, we can just be friends tonight.  Friends getting to know each other better.”

The elimination of expectation brightened Mr. Fenris’ expression immensely.  His posture relaxed slightly and he even sported a small grin.  “That is agreeable.  Tonight,  you may call me Fenris.”

“Still no Leto then?” teased Anders.

“Absolutely not.”  Fenris checked his watch.  “Shall we then?”

Anders held back the urge to link their arms together and accepted the small victory of putting his date at ease.  “We shall.”

 

After dark the city streets were less crowded and only mildly noisy.  Walking side-by-side, the two men were able to easily hold a conversation.  They had agreed to leave out the topics of work and the boys.  This left Anders the easy target of Fenris’ date night guide. 

“You did all of that this afternoon?  No wonder you were in your office for hours today.”  Anders took up the folder to look at the aforementioned lists. 

Fenris shrugged.  “Yes, and finished the monthly reports, and the manager scheduling, and…”

Anders playfully nudged Fenris with his shoulder, “No work, remember?”

“Fine.  Do you have an alternative?” 

“You know, I think my fingers are longer than yours.”  Anders cocked his head to the side, then held up his hand, inviting Fenris to gauge for himself.

Curiously, Fenris pressed their palms together, careful to ensure they aligned correctly. Anders swiftly locked their fingers together and swung his arm down to have them holding hands. 

“Oops, look at that.  I guess we’ll never know.”  Anders kept his grip loose, allowing Fenris to pull away if he wished. 

There was a small flutter in Anders heart when the precious elf held on tighter as they walked the final blocks to the restaurant.

It was an elegant establishment with valet parking and gilded double doors.  Anders and Fenris being the most underdressed there.  Thankfully, nothing was said by any of the staff as they were led to a table, chairs tucked beneath them and napkins placed in their laps.  It was a lovely romantic setting, yet Anders felt that much of that was lost to his date.  Fenris thumbed at his folder and looked around anxiously.

“Something bothering you?”  Anders was desperate to find a remedy, things were going so well... 

“I do not...”  He took a few sips of water, “I am not comfortable with romantic banter.”  His eyes fell on the folder again.

“Do you have some notes in there or something?”

“As you may recall it has been a long time since I dated anyone.  I composed a list of conversation starters and personal interest questions to either keep the conversation going or to start a new topic – depending on how the night goes.”  Fenris ran a hand through his hair.  “I know it isn’t typical – Varric would tease me endlessly if he knew.”

Anders picked up the folder to browse its contents.  “Well, it’s a good thing you’re not on a date with him then.  Here’s one, ask me this.” 

Fenris read the card aloud, “What kinds of things really make you laugh?” 

“I really enjoy slap stick comedies.  It’s so absurd that it’s hilarious.  What about you?”

“I actually like puns.  Similar to you, I enjoy the simplicity of it.  I especially love when…”  The words died instantly in his throat. 

Anders followed his stare and cursed low.  Of all the restaurants in the city, all the date and time combinations possible how was it that Meredith and a group of Templars had to arrive at the same place?   

Fenris stood and urged Anders to do so as well.  “Come on.  They may not see us if we walk around this way.  Nice and slow.” 

The grand venue had many tables, columns, and greenery that limited one’s view.  Taking the offered hand, Anders walked carefully with his date as they made their escape.  The small group of Templars continued to grow leading Anders to guess that they had probably reserved the  banquet room.  Which was good, that room was on the opposite side from where they were. 

They weaved between tables and hugged the wall to carefully make their way to the door.  Timing their exit perfectly between newcomers, the pair made it back to the city streets without a single Templar noticing.

Until Fenris bumped into one.

His first reaction was one of apologetic surprise, until he recognized the Templar.  Anders was astonished when Fenris shoved the man into the building then sneered at him, “Out of my way Carver.  You are in violation of your court order.”

“Check your attitude citizen.”  A large blonde Templar placed himself squarely between Fenris and Carver. 

Anders knew that Templar immediately.  He was one of the first people that Anders met when he was transferred to Kirkwall and actually one of the last he saw before he was released from the Circle.  “Sir, that’s the Knight-Captain maybe we should just…”

Fenris was resolute.  “Out of my way _Templar_.  This doesn’t concern you.” 

By the way Knight-Captain Cullen ground his teeth and puffed out his chest, he was grievously offended, "I will not allow you-"

"Reconsider your foolish attempt to intimidate me, boy.  It is a gamble you will lose.  How much regret do you think you can you handle in the morning?”  Fenris inched closer to the Templar, cutting into his bravado.  “I have survived horrors your nightmares couldn't fathom.  No amount of medication or blood magic would save you from the pain that I can inflict.  I will not tolerate any of your shit.  That man is in violation of a restraining order.  **Move. On.** "

When Fenris had interjected during the Meredith encounter, he’d impressed Anders with his powerful presence and calm control.  Tonight, it was a shiver of fear.  Behind all of that, there was also a quick bolt of lust when the memory of him slamming his boss against the wall resurfaced. 

Carver pushed the Knight-Captain to the side, edging away.  "C'mon Cullen, just leave him be.  There's no reasoning with Fenris."

Cullen stopped dead in his tracks, "Wait, Fenris?  He's our brother-in-law?"

"Brother-in-law?" Shocked at the revelation, Anders turned to Fenris seeking answers.  “They’re family?”

Fenris glared at the two Templars with even greater disgust.  "I have no family here."

Anders felt for the two men who were pained by the cutting remark.  Fenris never saw the effect of his anger since he'd already marched on.  Anders swayed into a quick jog to catch up.  Once he did, he caught the tail end of a voicemail coming from Fenris' phone.

_'...thought I would, you know, reach out, since you're family and all.'_

The chipper voice from the phone cut through the tension, - _message deleted_ \- before the phone slipped back into Fenris' pocket.

Looking down the block, Anders saw more Templars entering the restaurant.  Cullen and Carver were nowhere to be seen.

"It's an engagement party."  Fenris waved at the restaurant then gave a small jerk of his head to have Anders follow him further down the street.  "A few days ago he called to offer an invitation.  _Vishente kaffas_ , as though I would attend."

Fenris boiled in his hatred of Carver, seething as he clenched his fists.  Suddenly, his shoulders fell with a heavy sigh.  "I am sorry, Anders.  I fear that I ruined our evening."

The disappointment in his voice cut Anders to the quick.  Whatever Carver had done, it had seriously shaken up his boss.  Refusing to let the night go to waste, Anders took the broody man by the hand, "You just need to cheer up a little.  Come with me."

Although he remained sullen, Fenris did at least follow when Anders led him to the pet store across the street.  Anders guided him directly to the pet corral where potential owners could pick up and cuddle the cats. 

Fenris rolled his eyes when Anders picked one up.  "I know what you are trying to do.  It will not work."

Anders held the cat closer to his face, using a paw to wave at the grouch who was desperately trying to fight a grin.  "Anders..." He warned but it was too late.

The fluffy kitty broke out into a tiny dance under Anders fingers and the mage broke into a dramatic song.

“Just a paw-town girl  
Livin' in a claw-ful world  
She took the meow-nite train  
Goin' an~y~where~”

Seeing the small smile breaking through, Anders shimmied closer to his boss.  The dramatic kitty continued ‘singing’ against the man’s shoulder.

“Just a purr-ty boy  
Born and raised in Pounce Detroit  
He took the meow-nite train  
Goin' an~y~where~”

That was the final straw, Fenris fell into a small fit of giggles and even gave the serenading feline a pat on the head.  “Alright, cease embarrassing yourself.”

Anders gently returned the cat to the corral, “How about we have a small change in plans.  Let’s go back to the apartment and start over.  It’ll just be a relaxing evening of wine and wonderfully charming company.”

“I have the distinct impression I’m not the charming one.” Fenris teased.

“Of course not.”  Anders moved slightly closer to wrap an arm around Fenris’ waist.  His hopes soared when Fenris actually leaned closer into the embrace.  “You’re the lovely eye-candy that I plan to pamper all evening.”  Anders then tapped at the date night folder Fenris carried.  “We can even play a round of twenty questions.”

Fenris leaned his head against Anders’ shoulder.  “That sounds perfect.”

Leaving the pet shop, Anders let his arm fall, not wishing to press his luck and tried his best to keep up idle conversation.  The last thing he wanted was for his date to spend the walk home thinking about the earlier encounter, since he too, didn’t want to dwell on it either. 

It wasn’t until they were alone in the apartment’s living room, each with his own glass of wine, that the conversation lulled.  The brief silence of sipping on fine wine sent Anders’ mind drifting.  He went from the high of finding someone who doesn’t mind dating a mage, to the low of his date being related to a Templar.  It was a strained relationship and Anders wasn’t sure was a good thing or a bad thing.  Anders worried over his paperwork.  Varric had assured him that everything was above board, however, after the run-in with the Knight-Captain **and** the Knight-Commander, Anders grew concerned that his documents might ‘accidently’ go missing.

“Anders, are you well?”  Fenris sat opposite him on the couch, legs wide and his back tucked into the cushions.  He looked as mentally exhausted as Anders felt. 

Anders tried to laugh it off, “I suppose we’re both dealing with a little stress tonight.”

“That’s my fault.  I let him get to me.”  Fenris sighed, “I was a royal dick to be honest.”

Anders couldn’t help himself, he pounced on the opportunity, “That’s alright, I’m an expert at handling dicks.” 

Hurriedly, Fenris covered his mouth, trying in vain to keep the wine in his mouth as he choked.  Anders leapt up to help, but he was waved off. 

Anders paced with worry while Fenris caught his breath.  “I am…this is…”  The elf wheezed a bit before snatching up the wine bottle from the coffee table.  Fenris took a heavy pull from the bottle, determined to finish it off and kill his cough.  Setting the bottle down, his hand shook slightly, his voice even more so.  “Forgive me.  I feel like such a fool.”

The tense quiet sat, nudging at them both. 

It soon became unbearable for Anders, “I care for you, I’m irrevocably attracted to you, but I won’t force myself.  If need be, I know how to…remain professional if you want to call it all off.”

Holding the nearly empty bottle, Fenris turned silent pleading eyes up to Anders.  “Another?”  Anders returned from the kitchen with three bottles.  Fenris returned to using his glass.  “You have experience with unrequited lo-, feelings?” 

“The opposite actually.  My first love was a wonderful woman.  She had beautiful long hair, slender body, narrow face, graceful like you’d imagine a spirit being.  This was years ago, so were young and open about our relationship.  It wasn’t uncommon in the Circle, I mean, who else would we date?”  Anders tried to make the joke lighthearted, but the alcohol kept his emotions too close to the surface and instead his intonation fell flat.  The pain punched through, stifling his rhythm. 

He tried to laugh, but it caught in his throat.  Clearing it, he resorted to keep a more somber tone.  “Solona was perfect.  Love does that to you.  Even the small annoying things they do are nothing compared to how much you care for them.” 

Anders fell silent again, this time Fenris offered him some liquid courage from his own glass.  “What happened?”

“I asked too many questions, was too much of a nuisance to the Chantry.  I could take a beating, I am a naturally gifted healer after all.  What I couldn’t take was how they targeted her to get to me.”  He slung back the dregs at the bottom of the glass, a tiny piece of cork scratched at this throat.  “She tried to hide it at first, but once I knew – that was the end of it.  More please.”

Fenris poured the last of the bottle into his cup.  Digging up his history was harder than Anders thought, but it felt good to get it out.  He hadn’t given his actions this much thought in years and yet the wound was still raw, beating, spurting out fresh pain that scorched his skin with sorrow and regret.

More wine and Anders pressed on.  “I broke things off with her, but it wasn’t enough.  Not for her, not for the Templars.  I took to sleeping around to push her away and to keep the Templars away from her.”  He waved off the comment that sat on the tip of Fenris’ tongue.  “I know, I know – horrible thing to do, but I was young and I saw no other way to protect her.  They couldn’t very well punish half the Circle just for the sake of me.”

“Eventually she completely separated herself from me and I felt brave enough to attempt an escape.  I was doing no good there.  There was no future for me there and I couldn’t bear the thought of dying locked away like that.  It was during my second attempt that she was sent off to be with the Wardens and I was sent off to the Kirkwall Circle.  That’s when I met Karl.”  Anders rubbed at his forehead, “Maker’s breath, I’m ruining this horribly.  What kind of date am I that I’m bringing up my exes?”

“An honest one.”  Fenris reached for the wine glass which Anders easily surrendered.  Taking a swig of his own liquid courage, he asked, “So, you like men and women?”

“Is it so hard to believe that I like people?  I suppose there is some element of physical attraction to some features over others, I mean who doesn’t stare a little bit at the perfect models on the cover of magazines?”  He watched Fenris take another sip.  The way his eyelids fell slightly to deepen the green of his eyes, the way he pursed his lips to drink, it sent dangerous images through his mind.  “But for me, it’s the person.  I like how you are appreciative of the things I do.  I like how you are not judgmental about mages.  Or me.  You gave me a chance.”

“I will be honest as well.  I do not care for all mages.”  He held out his hand to flex his fingers.  The lyrium flickered around his fist.  Fenris waved for Anders to join him on the couch.  “I enjoy learning more about you.  Tell me more about Karl.”

Their shoulders touched.  Their thighs pressed together.  Fenris was more relaxed, yet Anders was alert, instinctively on the defense from his years under a Templar thumb.  Yet, he was starting to feel the light-headedness of the wine.  The alcohol punched at his defenses, seeking a way through.

Anders let his head fall back.  In the flash of a moment, he thought about impropriety, risks, consequences, and the idea of bringing up a painful past.  It didn’t sit well with him.  If he were smart, he’d call it a night, forget this foolishness and get his shit together in the morning.  

Rolling his head down, he rounded to face his employer.  The elf sat patiently.  There was no eagerness for gossip, no jealousy or malice tucked behind his eyes.  It had been so long since Anders had dealt with someone who wasn’t trying to use him, he smiled back in relief. 

“Alright, but I’ll warn you, there is no happy ever after in this fairy tale.”  They each refilled their glass.  After passing a glass back and forth, the exact number of drinks was lost to him.  “Karl was a kindred spirit, but he knew how to work within the system.  He taught me all kinds of tricks and nuances that the Circle looked down upon.  Our partnership for mage rights and expansive lessons outside Chantry control soon landed us in a partnership in bed.”

A bubble of laughter helped to loosen his tongue.  “He was all passion and heart.  He put others before himself, diplomatic.  Maker – “  Anders drew silent at the memory and sunk further into the couch.  “He was making headway, opening doors we never dreamed were even there.  Then Knight-Commander Meredith came along.  I’d never met her until the other day.  There were whispers about her long before she took command and when Karl said he had a meeting with her, I remember trying to talk him out of it.  She didn’t seem the type of person that would work with us.  If he’d just listened to me, worked outside the system to force a change…”

A warm hand delicately caressed his cheek, a thumb passed over to wipe away Anders’ tear.  Swiftly, Anders’ hand shot up to hold Fenris’ in place.  Pinching his eyes shut and pressing the elf’s hand harder, Anders savored the comfort.  His reaction led Fenris to wrapping an arm around his shoulders to pull them together.  Anders wilted into the crook of his shoulder, his face solidly against Fenris’ chest.  Oh, Maker how he needed this. 

Anders shuddered with a few quiet sobs, but he pressed on, desperate to finish his story.  “I don’t know what was said in the meeting, only that Karl was terribly upset afterward.  I wanted to spend the night with him, but he refused, saying he needed to think things through…I should have been more insistent…I should have…done something.”

A tight squeeze from Fenris pushed out the last of his tears.  It wasn’t a floodgate like it had been when he’d first been told, but it still hurt as if it were.  “They didn’t even let me see him.  I didn’t get to say good-bye.”

“Suicide?”  A whisper, a simple attempt to lessen the blow. 

Anders sat up, slightly more collected.  “The official word from the Circle stated that Karl took his own life, preferring that over Tranquility.  But I can’t…it just…Maker’s balls I hate not knowing!”  The tears fell, but there was no bawling, it was confused anger.  “I hate that I’m mad at him, I hate that I’m so selfish that I would consider Tranquility better just so I could see him again.  I am constantly tormented by the ‘what ifs’.”

Fenris sneered, but it wasn’t in disdain at Anders.  “Then there are others that salt your wounds, ‘there was nothing you could have done’.  But there was.  There was an opportunity and it was missed.  Other people, they- they do not understand.  Never will.  Marian was my world, I knew everything about her and in death, how could I even be so arrogant to say what her wishes would be?  Fucking Carver.  He accosted me at her funeral, dammed me for letting her go, as if I was the one to encourage her.  In front of everyone, our friends, family, he berated me for not keeping her at home.  ‘Her blood is on your hands.  How will you tell your children you murdered their mother!?’  As much as I hate him for ruining the funeral, I hate myself even more for believing his words.”

Anders gasped in astonishment, completely blown away that anyone would have the gall to say such things, “Andraste’s knicker weasels, was he drunk?”

“No.  His accusations led to a restraining order and a few legal battles.  He was not pleased to be denied access to my sons, but after that, I refused to let him poison my family further with his anger.  The stress…I cannot…”  He set his wine glass down, “Anders, they do not know he even exists.  I want to keep it that way.”

“Holy shit.  No wonder you were so pissed at him earlier.” 

They both waited, the gravity of their confessions sinking in.  Each one processing the information at his own pace. 

Eventually, Anders gave a faint chuckle.  “I must admit, I enjoyed watching you shove those Templars around.  You’re stronger than you look.”

Fenris laughed full bodied, releasing much of his tension.  “I see you have a type.  Attracted to those who spit in the eye of the Chantry.”

“Do you know how often I received a beating from a Templar and no one came to save me?”  Anders drank more, poured a glass then finished half of it.  “Maker- it was worse when someone did find us.  They would look me in the eye, and walk away.  I don’t hold it against them, not really.  I knew what would happen I they interfered, but…it still hurt.” 

Anders held Fenris’ hand proudly.  “Then there is you.  You who saved me, you who is fearless of their authority.  Do you know how many families would have abandoned their children upon learning they were mages?  Indominable, caring, headstrong.  Beautiful.” 

Anders struggled to sound calm as his entire body burned with desire.  His cheeks were hot and his palms damp.  His eyes were busy mapping trails over Fenris’ body for his mouth to devour. 

Fenris scoffed, but it was a good break from the seriousness that had put him on edge moments ago.  “A man cannot be beautiful.”

“But you are.  To me anyways.”  The smell of red wine floated in the small space between them.  A dark purple lined Fenris’ lips, begging Anders to taste them.  “Your eyes are perfect gems.  Your lips – “  The elf blushed clear to the tips of his ears and the boldness of the alcohol came through.  “You say you’re interested in me, but what’s stopping you?”

“You are a man.  I know nothing when it comes to- “  Fenris swallowed a lump in his throat. “To pleasing you.  Before you, I had not considered being with a man.  It even feels strange to say.”

“But you are…somewhat attracted to me?”  Anders was dying, his heart holding its breath.

“Yes.”  Fenris huffed, “For starters, I admire your insufferable confidence.”  His smile dropped, but not for lack of amusement.  Fenris’ eyes focused on Anders, letting him know   that Fenris was giving his answer sincere consideration. 

“The way you care.  I appreciate the way you tend to the boys, the way you have earned their trust.”  Fenris leaned forward, a hand resting on Anders’ thigh, sliding high, close toward Anders’ crotch.  The mage shivered.  “And mine.  You are fearless in the face of the Chantry.  Strong, powerful.  You are no rebel, you are a fierce protector.” 

Anders watched Fenris’ bottom lip as his teeth worried over the delicate flesh.  Then the dart of his tongue sent a shiver through his core when the elf wet his lips.  Still he drew closer, setting Anders’ excitement to boiling over. 

“Then…do you want me to seduce you?”  After hearing his thoughts outloud, Anders quickly amended, “It doesn’t have to be sexual.  Just acting on desire?”

Fenris squeezed his hands tighter, leaning closer with curiosity, “Desire?  What’s the difference?” 

“The desire to be close, like this.  The desire to confide in someone.  We each have our problems.  Mine have worn me down, and I have to admit, that I would bear that in silence.  But you, to see you suffer, no, I would not stay by idle.  I desire to be by your side and we’ll both get through it.  Together.”

Breathless, Fenris once more wet his lips and inched ever closer.  “Yes.”

Anders now felt a puff of air as he spoke, they were so close.  His nerves were wrecked, he needed more, but he sat paralyzed in fear of pushing too soon.  Carefully, his hand ventured forward, resting on Fenris’ hip, then tugging on the tender spot when it was met with no resistance.  Their lips nearly met, “What do you desire?”

“I desire…” 

Fenris plunged forward to close the tiny gap. Their lips crashed together and his weight pushed Anders back into the couch, leaving the man to crawl over him to keep their mouths together.  Fenris remained on all fours, and Anders held on tight, his hands exploring every muscle of the elf’s taut chest.  It was impressive for a business man, and Anders desperately wished to see the tempting flesh he was caressing.  The taste of the man, Maker have mercy, his taste was overpowering. 

Despite the bitter wine, he was delectably sweet, possibly tainted by the lyrium.  His pampered skin was soft and smooth, begging to be touched.  Anders imagined how his tongue would enjoy worshiping such a marvel, especially all the dips and crevasses. 

He felt Fenris begin to lower his hips, which Anders stopped quickly with both hands.

“Wait, wait-wait-wait.  I am…really, _really_ excited right now, and if you go any lower, well, you’ll know exactly how much I’m excited.” 

Fenris smiled, then dipped down for a brief kiss.  “I have discovered that I actually like the feel of your scruff.  May I have your permission to discover if there is more about you that I may take pleasure in?”

“Sooo formal.  How could I say no?  Take me however you please.”

“Perhaps with a bit less sass.”  Fenris pinched him lightheartedly and Anders released his hold on the waist.  In seconds, his body was wedged between Anders legs.  There was no mistaking Anders prominent erection bulging through his trousers to press against Fenris’ lower abs.  However, it was feeling Fenris’ equally hard cock pressing into his own that sent a fresh wave of unbridled lust through Anders’ core. 

Fenris chuckled when Anders eyes grew in realization, “I believe you have successfully bewitched me.”  He then bucked his hips lazily to have his length dig and roll against Anders. 

Ander groaned and arched up to meet him, craving more, his cock demanding satisfaction.  He pulled Fenris in for ravishing kiss.  Their teeth clacked and his tongue swept greedily into Fenris’ mouth.  “Come to my room and I’ll help you with our mutual problem.” 

At this, Fenris rose slowly.  Anders huffed in dismay, but Fenris didn’t seem put off.  He actually stood over him and watched as Anders grabbed himself through his pants.  “A tempting offer.”  The damnable elf turned for his bedroom.  “Perhaps another night.”


	8. All Good Things (NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, these poor boys can't catch a break. Here's part II of their date night ;)

Floating.  Anders voice was there. 

 

The fear was louder.

 

The pinch in his chest dug deeper.  Twisted.

_Make it to the bedroom._

 

That soft voice called again, a lifting hum, indistinct. 

_Get away._

 

 

 

Fenris could see the door.  Only steps away but, the amount of effort needed to reach there…could he?  He couldn’t.

Clutching his chest, an icy wave dread pricked at his bones, electric.  The pendant wasn’t there, he couldn’t get ahold of Varric.  When his knees buckled, he anticipated crashing to the ground, the standard pattern of his panic attacks, but this time it was different.  Firm hands caught him, held him. 

Anders.  Kind, sweet Anders was intervening.  He saw Fenris for what he was.  Weak.  Incapable.  “Go away!” 

“No.”  Anders made no attempt to match Fenris’ intensity, yet was still firm.  “Tell me what to do.”

“I need to be alone!” 

“Not a chance.”  Anders held him tighter.  Secretly, Fenris craved it – but he didn’t want to.  Anders remained steady.  “Should we go to the bedroom?”

_He’ll leave.  The boys will be heartbroken.  I will be…_

Managing a nod, Fenris allowed Anders to guide him.  Inside, Anders released him to lay curled on the bed.  An upset stomach and ragged breathing prevented Fenris from offering the thanks he knew to be due. 

Every emotion tumbled and rolled within him.  He wasn’t even sure what had set him off.  He tried to think of his meditation tree, but the dark voice in his head dismissed it immediately as a pitiful distraction. 

_He’ll leave us.  It’s too much._

_I cannot…_

_he’ll leave…_

****

**_me._ **

 

“I’m not going anywhere.  I can get you anything.  You are safe.”  Fenris felt Anders’ weight on the bed, then his hand enclosed his own.  “Let it pass.  I will be here.”

_You are not meant to be happy.  Alone._

Pressure on the top of his hand swirled under the pad of Anders’ thumb.  “I’m here.  Let it pass.  This isn’t forever, it’ll pass.”

A searing pain shot up from his jaw.  His teeth were clenched impossibly tight.  He wanted to yell at Anders again, spare him from having to deal with his frailty.  No one wants a burden.

His throat was so dry that only incoherent, wet rasps came, sending his frustration scaling higher.  _Unfit.  Unsuitable._  

“ **Get out!** ” 

“It’s okay.  Don’t worry.  I’m here.  I’ll always be here.” 

A bitter bile seeped into his mouth.  Nausea, headache.  _Why?  It never ends…._

“I’m here.”

_Anders._

Fenris found the hand that cradled his.  With both hands, he held on to Anders. 

“Please, don’t let go.  I’m here.”  Whispered Anders. 

The tension in his muscles loosened.  Bit by bit.  Slow, tediously slow, but it was happening…it was passing.  After an eternity, Fenris was able to take a deep breath. 

Then another. 

Anders must have sensed his more relaxed state, “Are you feeling better?  Can I get you anything?”

He still held on.  Fenris studied Anders hand, his grip, wondering.   “I had not anticipated an episode.  Forgive me.  It seems I am determined to sabotage the evening.”

Anders refused to release his hands, gently massaging them.  “Fighting Templars, fine wine, reminiscing over exes – I don’t know, sounds breathtaking to me.”

Breathtaking.  The laugh was there before Fenris could think about it.  The sly joke at his panic attack afforded him the release he needed.  It felt good to laugh, to let it all go. 

Once the laughter eased, Anders drew serious.  “It wasn’t me, was it?  Did I do anything to trigger…I mean, I don’t care, I just want to avoid it happening again if I can.”

“Happening again?”  Fenris finally sat up to face Anders.  “You would wish to try this, all _this_ , again?”

Leaning forward, Anders beamed at him.  “The way you say desire… _oh my_ – yes.”

“Flirtatious mage.”

“Cocky elf.”

It was hard to swallow.  Watching Anders’ lips sent butterflies from his core up to his chest.  He needed more.

“Kiss me.”  It was faint, so faint it couldn’t even be called a whisper. 

Gliding in, Anders did as he was commanded.  Fenris was still uncertain how to react, how to kiss a man, so he let Anders lead and loved it.  The man was all tenderness, his tongue delicately peeling apart his mouth as if he were made of rose petals.  It was such a delight, Fenris had to nip back.  He wanted a taste, needed it.  His hand shot up to Anders neck, pulling the mage in.  Anders tensed at first, but instantly melted within Fenris’ grasp, moaning into the kiss. 

As his hand slipped down over Anders’ shoulder, they two slipped apart.  “Good.”  Fenris watched his hand travel over Anders, pressing the fabric of his shirt to get a hint as to his musculature.  “I had to be sure that was not the trigger.”

“Sometimes the actual trigger is never known.  Makes the panic attack all the more frightening if you don’t know what caused it in the first place.”

Fenris tilted his head slightly, “You are oddly familiar with such a thing.”

“There’s a lot of stress in the Circle so there were a few instances of panic attacks.  I’ve never had one myself, but I have learned to help others through it.”  Fenris’ mouth quirked up at the corner.  Cupping his jaw, Anders thumbed the dimple Fenris was unaware he had.  Anders’ smile grew.  “I may not be the root cause, but I am a new element in your life.  We just need to take it slow.  That’s all.”

“I will concede to your wisdom.”  Anders began to rise from the bed, but Fenris pulled him back in for two quick kisses, sucking on his lips with each one.  “However, I look forward to seeing how slowly you _can_ take me.”

The banter.  The flirting.  Their heat.  Anxiety and exhilaration warred in Fenris’ chest and pounded in his brain.  He worried he was moving too fast as Anders face turned red, taken aback at the brazen comment. 

Then his honey colored eyes darkened.

Anders leaned forward, his mouth set with a firm line that had Fenris falling backward on the bed.  The mage continued his advance, crawling over Fenris’ body then setting down to perch on his hips. 

Surprised into utter shock, Fenris lay still, unaware of how to react and too frightened to attempt anything. 

“I can take you slowly.  I can _take_ you however you want.” 

Anders wiggled slightly, reminding Fenris how intimately they were configured.  Anders’ weight and _that_ bulge between his legs was a new sensation.  Surprisingly, the difference sparked an excited curiosity within him. 

_Does he take pleasure in the same acts that I like?_

“So, kissing isn’t an issue?”  Anders gracefully dipped down to nip and suck at the cord of Fenris’ neck.  It stung briefly before Anders soothed his attack with a swirling lap of his tongue.  “I adore kissing.  Tasting.”

Sitting straight up, Anders plucked at Fenris’ shirt.  Each button released had his shirt inching open to expose his lyrium branded chest.  No inch of his body had been spared the torture. 

“May I?”  Anders let a tiny spark of magic pop, to which Fenris found himself agreeing without hesitation. 

He tensed reflexively when he felt the magic, but eased when he registered how little it was.  The illusion of a flame danced on two of Anders’ fingers.  Sticking out his tongue, he made a show of wiping the flame off on his tongue then he dived down fluidly to trace a warm, wet trail over the curve of Fenris’ pecs. 

Back arched and fingers clawing at the sheets, Fenris’ brands flared to life.  He screamed.  “ _Yeeess.”_

It felt amazing.  The tease radiated out, feeding off his magic and flowing through the lyrium lines to hum throughout his entire body. 

“I am wholly content to be restricted to kissing.”  Anders slid lower, his lips ghosting over Fenris’ sensitive, glowing flesh.  The sound of teeth on metal made Fenris’ eyes pop open.  Mesmerized, he watched Anders grip and tug at his belt.  The buckle snapped back into place once it fell from his mouth, leaving an unobstructed view of Anders’ lustful grin, “Just tell me where.”

“I…I had not…it isn’t…”

Anders nodded, taking his speechlessness as a sign that they had gone far enough for one night.  He uncurled his back to sit up straight.  His hands dragged over the sheets next to Fenris’ legs, respecting a boundary they had not yet discussed. 

“I’m going to go to bed before I do something reckless.  Or more reckless.”  Chuckling, Anders ran his hand through his hair showing he was a bit flushed.  “If you need anything, I’ll be…”

“Of course.”  Waving a hand slightly, he encouraged Anders to leave. 

At the sound of the door’s click, Fenris scrambled to get his pants open.  The wanton moan that howled out of him once he gripped his cock was shameless and loud.  He twisted to bury his face in the pillow.  The guttural sounds continued as he worked himself toward satisfaction. 

Anger and frustration bubbled to the surface when the lingering feel of Anders magic began to fade.  Tossing himself onto his back, he tried to remember the man’s weight, the sensual feel of his touch, his gloriously sweet voice.

Still fading.

Suddenly, an idea worth of Isabela popped into his head and had him up and searching for his phone.  Clutching it with shaking hands, he tapped through the menus, his goal challenging his ethics.  He debated for a few scant seconds before opening the app Varric had gifted him.  The hot, throbbing need in his other hand won out over any lingering moral qualms. 

At first, there was nothing.  The dead silence made Fenris question whether the eavesdropping app still worked, until he heard rummaging and a spit curse.  Fenris eased back on the bed, this time propping his head up with a few pillows before nesting his phone on his chest. 

He was infinitely amused to listen to Anders fumbling about his room, immensely thankful that the man kept his cell phone near.  Contemplatively, he looked down at his own member then lazily began stroking it.  _Would it be so different if it were another man’s?_

An unintelligible cry of victory sounded over the phone.  Fenris smiled as Anders reveled in his win.  An unconscious urge to hug his phone – to hug Anders swept through him.  No, another man couldn’t seduce him.  Only Anders. 

‘ _Is it so hard to believe that I like people?’_

For Fenris, he wasn’t any person.  The loving, caring man that is Anders.  The mage who tended for his children as though they were flowers in the Maker’s garden.  The man who never ridiculed his need for organization and order.  The friend who stayed with him even as Fenris tried to shove him away. 

_“Oh, yes.  Oh yeeess, yes!”_

The sudden outburst snapped his attention back to the phone.  Faint, wet sounds came through.  Closing his eyes, Fenris thrust into his hand, trying to picture what the other man was doing.  Whatever it was, Anders enjoyed it thoroughly.  He sighed and cursed and cooed.  It was as rhythmically comforting as listening to the waves lap at the shore. 

Desire, hot and greedy pulsed within him.  He couldn’t recall the last time he was so impatient to cum.  He found himself whispering softly, afraid Anders would hear, although knowing he couldn’t.  The brands under his skin flared, trying to bite into the magic that was no longer there.  His squeezed and released as he bucked upward, determined to imagine Anders held him instead. 

 _“Please, don’t stop, just like that.”_   Pleasantly, Anders’ demands echoed his own. 

The illusion grew stronger. 

The strokes became more fevered.  _“Ahh- yes, please Fenris, Maker, yes!”_

His name.  A sharp pull, then _snap!_ before a flood of relief washed over him as he came.  All over his hand, his stomach, even dripping down his legs.  He’d never been so sloppy before. 

Anders could be heard, similarly out of breath, panting and swearing.  The man could give Isabela a run for her money in the profanity department.  Fenris rolled over to press and rub his waning erection into the sheets, the differing friction keeping the high of his orgasm close to the surface. 

Goosebumps covered him from head to toe and the bed felt like quicksand, sucking him down, tempting him with the promise of blissful sleep.  Great effort was required for Fenris to pull himself out of bed to clean up and dress appropriately for the night.  He stripped the bed of the dirty linens, curious if Anders would need to do the same.  After climbing into a freshly made bed, he fell easily into a dead sleep, spurred on by a kindling of hopefulness in his heart. 

 

 

The following morning, he arrived at the office earlier than usual.  Varric was there to meet him, anticipating his needs.  “Morning Broody.  Thought you’d like for me to go over what I found over the weekend.” 

Varric followed him into the office and settled himself in the chair opposite Fenris’ desk.  “Did you have a nice night out?  Enjoy yourself for once?”

The man’s probing manner made him wonder if Varric had people watching him.  Brushing it off, he decided to assume ‘yes’.  “It did not begin well.  However, the conclusion was pleasant.”

“Are you smiling?  Are you – you’re laughing aren’t you!”

“I am unaware of what you are referring.”  Fenris leafed through Varric’s folder. 

“It’s not much, but for you, it may as well be a snorting cackle.  You meet someone?” 

Fenris cocked a brow at his friend.  “You know everything, don’t you?”

“It must have been really _pleasant_ if you’re being this evasive.”  He waited for Fenris to supply more, but gave up when he maintained his silence.  “Alright, alright, I’ll leave you to your courtship – fling – whatever.”

“Thank you.”  He returned his attention to the documents.  “Anders employment is still legitimate.  There is legal precedent and my sons are safe from Circle interference provided they pass bi-annual tests.  Do you have any insight as to how Meredith might try to counter this information?”

Varric scratched at the scruff on his chin, “That’s where it gets funny.  Ever since your run-in and my poking around in Chantry corners, things have gotten…weird.” 

“Is my family in danger?  Is Anders?”  Fenris made no attempt to hide the bristle to his voice, the coiled tension in his body instinctively ready to pounce and defend. 

“No, but I intend to put more people on this.  Meredith has been making odd requests, putting in strange orders.  For now, the law protects you and Anders.  I went ahead and secured notarized copies for Meredith to take with her if she requests.”  After checking his watch, Varric stood.  “I’m going to head out before she arrives.  No need to get too up-close-and-personal with the Knight-Commander.  Yet.  In the meantime, I’m going to add some discreet security for your home, travels, and all that good stuff.  That way I can have one eye on the Templars and another on you.  Good luck with the meeting Broody, let me know how it goes.” 

“I ran into Carter.”  To this, Varric was genuinely surprised.  “He’s engaged.”

Varric paused that the door, one hand on the handle, mentally debating if he should respond.  “I…”  He gave a heavy sigh.  “The wedding is in five months.”

Fenris could feel the words on the tip of Varric’s tongue.  _People change.  I’m invited, I’m going._   Words he’d heard before, words that for the past year he’d tried to get Fenris to listen to. He’d listened.

He just didn’t care.  Some things are simply unforgivable. 

Left alone, he picked up the bagged lunch Anders made him.  A sticky note was the first item he saw and he couldn’t help but smile at the sight of it.  

_More apple crumble, your favorite.  Because I love giving you what you like._

Fenris sniggered aloud at the crudely drawn winking face.  A sharp knock on his door alerted him that his first order of business would not wait for his mild pining. 

With a curt call, he beckoned the Kirkwall Knight-Commander into his office.  He rose from his desk to greet her and when he offered her a seat at his private conference table, she declined. 

This morning she wore a ceremonial armor, not quite as fancy as those worn for the funeral of the Divine, yet an impressive display that glittered in the early light.  It made her already solid frame even larger.  She clearly meant to intimidate and Fenris bristled at the gall, yet sat politely and quietly at the table.

“This may come as a shock to you but, this arrangement you have with Anders is highly unprecedented.  Your support for the Chantry will be called into question should this arrangement continue.  Your children will suffer from your mistake, most likely for generations.” She stared at him, waiting until it was uncomfortable.  “Well?  What have you to say for yourself?”

“You have yet to pose a question or make a statement which holds any modicum of veracity.  You are distracting me from my work with the same level of annoyance as a street corner lunatic.”  She gawked at the comparison and made to charge, but Fenris snapped to his feet.  “You listen to me.  Our transaction is legally binding and legitimate.  You have no further business here and should I discover that you are harassing any of my employees, to include Anders, I will take court action.  Believe me when I promise you that I will drag your name and your precious little Circle through the mud shamelessly to get the protection my family needs.”

“As you did your brother-in-law?  Do not imagine me ignorant of that!”  She was still put off but her anger inhibited her ability to counter effectively. 

Fenris enjoyed watching her squirm.  “Get out before I have security escort you out.  The longer you linger, the less gentle the process will be.”

She gave an indignant swish of her robes as she passed his desk to head out the door.  “This is far from over.  The Maker will not allow this slight to go unpunished.”

“You need to cease confusing yourself with the Maker.  I understand He does not appreciate such slights.”  He closed the door in her unthinking face. 

Outside he could hear Meredith entering a shouting match with Orana.  He readied to barge out to Orana’s aide, but once he heard the guards entering the fray, he retreated to his desk.  Glad to be done with that nuisance, he promptly jumped into his normal Monday schedule. 

He wasn’t even aware that Anders’ note had gone missing.

 

 

Six weeks passed.  The visit from Meredith became a vague memory, especially when compared to the memories Fenris built with Anders.  They slowly became more open about their relationship.  Most notably with how comfortable they were with each other.  It was a massive relief to be able to speak of dealing with the death of a loved one.  There were no judgements, no attempt to turn the attention back on themselves.  They mentioned missed quirks and habits.  They were never long discussions, usually only small mentions, but it was strangely therapeutic. 

The relationship had little impact on the work that Anders did, his focus on the boys’ studies was steadfast.  Some nights when the boys went to bed, Anders and Fenris would stay up, eventually falling into heavy petting, stroking, and kissing.  Fenris loved it.  Especially when Anders would play with his lyrium.  Back and forth they would play, learning how their bodies could interact. 

Fenris couldn’t put into words how much it meant to him to have someone look at his scars with wonder instead of pity or disgust. 

Their weeks together were filled with constant teasing and incessant flirting.  However, when they became physically intimate, Anders was always the first to pull away before they went too far.  The massive relief he felt knowing that Anders was there to watch out for him, to protect him, was the greatest comfort he could imagine. 

 

As with all things in Fenris’ life, it was not to last.  Late one evening, their shared intimacy was interrupted by a call from Varric. 

While Varric jumped into a flurry of explanations, Anders tried to annoy Fenris by kneeling between his legs and lavishing the inside of his thighs with kisses, his hands inching the silk boxers higher.

The distraction worked and Fenris missed most of what Varric said at first.  “Slow down.  What are you talking about?” 

At Fenris’ sudden change in tone, Anders backed off.  Varric went into the details of what his investigation turned up.  How Isabela’s contacts were worried about the sudden increase in activity.  Plans had been changed and ‘they’ were making bolder moves, building up to something big.  As much as the dwarf enjoyed a good tall tale, the deadpan, harried tone let Fenris know there was no exaggeration this time. 

“I understand.  Yes, I’ll tell him.  Thank you Varric.” 

Hearing Fenris’ final words, Anders perked up from where he sat.  “What is it?  Something wrong at work?”

“Varric is…well, Varric.  He is a very well-informed individual and when he says that there is a serious problem, I believe him.”

Concern drew Anders brows close and he reached out to hug Fenris close, tucking his head into the crook of his neck.  “I won’t let anything happen to you.  I swear it.”

Fenris clutched Anders tight, then backed off to look him in the eye.  “It’s not me they want.”

“It’s the Templars isn’t it?”  Pushing off, Anders shook his head.  “I need to leave.  For the boys’ safety and yours.”

“Not an option.”  Ground out Fenris.  “Varric is handling the details, I trust him.  We already have good security in place.  I can’t bear the thought of losing you.”

They coiled into each other.  They savored each other’s presence, both lost to their own thoughts – their own nightmares.  Before bed, Fenris checked on the guards outside the apartment and at the front door to the building.  Anders set a ward around the boys’ bedroom and then a second one around the apartment. 

Assured they had done all they could, they embraced one more time, squeezing harder than usual.  When they parted, they stared at each other.  There was want there, need for companionship in this frightening hour. 

Fenris wanted to ask

Anders wanted to say yes.

But it didn’t happen.  They parted ways to their respective rooms, unlikely to get a good night’s sleep. 

The night grew late and Fenris was surprised to find himself awoken by the ring of his phone.  Worried that it was Varric with more news, he answered without checking the caller ID. 

“Leto Fenris.”  Meredith’s voice slithered through the phone leaving Fenris feeling unclean.  “Tell me, what sort of things does your lover like to give you?  I seriously doubt it’s limited to apple crumble.” 

“ _Kaffas!_   You are more persistant than the Blight and just as welcome.  None of that is any of your business!”

“Oh, I think it is.  How loyal do you really think Anders is?  Are you even aware of his sordid history?  He certainly left no mage robe unturned when seeking out a bed partner.”

“Anders is an honest man.  Yes.  I am aware.”  He had no idea why he remained on the phone with this woman.  He knew, _knew_ , it was going to turn out bad.

“Then he must have mentioned a certain Karl Thekla?”

“Is it honestly that difficult for you to understand two people coming together over the grief of a lost loved one?  You have to be the lowest form of disease to bring that up.”

“Karl is alive.  He is standing next to me as we speak.”

There was silence on the receiver.  Not a word or sound passed, yet Fenris could hear the woman celebrating her triumph. 

“Listen to me very carefully because you are going to do _exactly_ what I say.  If you don’t, I will ensure he stays dead this time.”


	9. Red Lyrium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders discovers what happened to Fenris in the middle of the night.

The alarm sounded and Anders turned it off with a lethargic slap of his hand.  It felt too early to get up.  He sat on the edge of the bed and got his feet on the ground when he felt it, or more accurately, the lack of it. 

The barrier around the apartment was gone.

He tried to sprint for the door, but he landed flat on his face when he was hit with a sudden wave of vertigo.  The small spell used to dismiss the dizziness answered where the vertigo came from.  That strange lingering tingle was the same one that lingered after he and Fenris played too long with Fenris’ brands.  Knowing the cause, Anders treated himself with a different spell and was up on his feet in seconds.

 _Why would he do that?_ It didn’t make sense. 

The barrier for the boys was still intact so he made for Fenris’ room.  Nerves on end, he barged in.  The bed was turned down which sent him into a panic.  Fenris never left the bed a mess.  He rushed back to his room for his cell, careful to make the least amount of noise possible.  If the boys woke, Maker, he wouldn’t know what to do. 

Upon finding his cell lacking any explanation why Fenris would sneak off, Anders went on a scavenger hunt through the apartment to find a note, a clue, anything.  The longer his search rendered nothing, the more worried he became. 

Nightmares whispered to him, horrible scenarios that fed off of Varric’s news and the added security measures set in place the night before.  Visions of Fenris being taken in the middle of night danced behind his eyes.  Then the memories of the beatings, the threats he’d received in the Circle turned his stomach. 

What if Fenris has a panic attack?  Anders clawed at his hair with both hands, struggling to keep his sanity intact while pacing the living room. 

Checking the boys’ barrier one more time, he grabbed his cell and went to the privacy of Fenris’ room on the opposite side of the apartment.  He didn’t want to risk them overhearing his call.

“Varric?  Have you talked to Fenris today?  At all?  I don’t know where he is.  The barrier I set up is gone.  He wouldn’t just leave like this, he has a schedule, a-and, and…I don’t know where he is!”

“Take it easy Blondie, have you tried calling him?”

Anders took a deep breath before answering, knowing that he was on the brink of breaking down.  He needed to keep it together.  His breath shuddered when he exhaled and just hearing how deeply he was affected made his heart tighten further.  “Yes.  Called and texted and he’s not answering.  Something is wrong, I know it.”

“Look you can’t just…wait, sorry I have another call.  Don’t hang up on me, alright?”

Anders sat on Fenris’ bed.  The sheets were cool to the touch, light.  His legs shook with nervous energy.  He scrambled for any rational explanation, but nothing came to mind.  His heart jumped at the slightest sound, worried to death that the boys would wake and find him an utter mess. 

_Keep calm, keep calm…._

“Blondie?”

“Yes!  Yes.”

“Okay.  I’m coming over.  Stay there.  Keep the boys safe.  Don’t freak out on me Blondie.  We need to keep our shit together, okay?”  The alarm in Varric’s voice was unsettling.

Setting the phone down, Anders then snatched up Fenris’ pillow, pressed his face into it and screamed.  Tears came and he pushed them out by howling into the downy cushion.  He needed the release, needed to get it all out of his system.  He’d be of no help if he were crying and hysterical when Varric came.    

He tried to make it quick, but the emotions kept coming.  Sharp whines and choking sobs left the pillow a damp mess.  Tossing it aside, he went to the bathroom and a good thing too.  The mirror showed his reddened eyes and disheveled hair.  A small healing spell hid his torment, but did nothing for the pain he felt.  With heavy steps, he went to the living room to wait. 

A half hour passed, but for Anders it was a lifetime.  When he answered the doorbell, the threw himself at Isabela and Merrill, “Oh, Thank the Maker it’s you.  Thank you, thank you.”

The woman must have been informed as to the situation, perhaps better than Anders had as the quiet tension they brought with them frightened Anders further.

Merrill silently went to the boys’ bedrooms, ready to intercept them before they accidently overheard that their father was missing. 

Isabela guided Anders into the kitchen and spoke quietly as a precaution.  “Varric told us everything.  I’m glad we got here first, so I had a chance to explain.” 

Isabela was not the type of person one expected to fall into a blubbering mess, crying for her was as laughable as flying nugs.  However, the pained look on her face hit Anders harder than a flood of tears would have.

“What did Varric tell you?  I feel so in the dark and scared, tell me what’s going on!”

“We never imagined it would play out like this.  We couldn’t anticipate that Meredith would go completely cabin-fever-crazy like this.” 

“You’re not making any sense, what do you have to do with Meredith?”

Isabela popped open the wine chiller and grabbed a bottle blindly.  Familiar with the home, she quickly opened it as she fell into her backstory.  “I’ve done work with the Wardens before, so when an old friend - flame, what have you, called and asked for some help, I said ‘yes’. The Wardens were doing work in the Deep Roads and they noticed strange activities, sneaking around, all the sort of spooky-baddie things that let you know that something is wrong.    That was around ten months ago.  Fast forward a little bit where Varric and my contacts discover that illegal lyrium exports are disappearing into Kirkwall.  The Wardens were concerned that the Chantry might be involved and were hesitant about partnering with them.  That’s when Varric suggested using an inside man.”

“Inside?  Who would Varric know in the Chantry?”  The answer hit Anders before he finished the question.  “Carver.  You fucking used Carver?!”

“We didn’t use him lovie, he knew exactly what our intentions were from the beginning.  The more he snooped around, the more he realized something big was going on.  Cullen is the Knight-Captain and when Carver approached him to help, he agreed.”

Anders scoffed with a roll of his eyes, “Well, who’d say no to their fiancé?”

“They hadn’t even been dating at that point.  Cullen said yes because he actually knows the Wardens we were working with, which, thankfully lent us some credibility when Carver approached him.  No, no, them working together to solve our little mystery is what brought them together.”  Isabela gave a sultry chuckle and Anders could almost see the naughty visions flittering behind her eyes. 

Anders gave a small groan to drag Isabela back to reality. “What does any of this have to do with Fenris?  Can we skip to that part, please?”

“Yes, yes of course.  Meredith is the center of all of this.  She’s the one who’s been smuggling the lyrium.  When our investigation started getting too close, she became reckless, sloppy.  We even found a lab where she was conducting experiments.”

“Holy Maker…”  Anders cupped his mouth in shock.  “That is, oh no, that’s unbelievably dangerous!”

Isabela’s tone lowered, “Experiments on people.”

Anders felt that he would be sick.  Fenris didn’t talk about his time being a prisoner of war in Tevinter, but Anders knew the torture he’d suffered, the lingering effects, the nightmares – all of it.  It honestly was a miracle he’d survived, mind intact.  He couldn’t imagine the results of unskilled, non-mages working with the substance.    

She gave him a moment to soak it in.  Dread weighed heavy in his stomach.  He knew there was more.

“We believe that Meredith has Fenris.  We know the meeting he had with her a few weeks ago didn’t go well and we think she is trying to get back at him.  I’m sure you’ve noticed, she doesn’t take criticism so well.”

Clutching his head, Anders felt like an abomination, “This is all my fault.  I should have left.  I put him in danger.”

Isabela made to put an arm around him but the doorbell rang again.  “I got it sweets.”  She pointed angrily at him before rounding the corner.  “Don’t blame yourself, blame that bitch.”

At first Anders was excited to hear Varric’s voice, but once he entered the hallway, he saw two faces he wasn’t prepared for.  Cullen and Carver looked up at Anders as Varric whispered to Isabela, “You did explain to him what was going on, right?”

She shrugged, “Mostly.”

Ever the commanding type, Cullen stepped forward, “I want to assure you that we do have every trusted Templar searching for her as we speak.  Varric’s people are providing invaluable aid and Isabela’s are watching the ports and roads to ensure that they don’t leave the city.”

Anders looked past him directly at Carver, waiting for him to make eye contact to ensure there was no mistaking his intent.  “You were there!  You were fucking there in the Circle working with her every day and yet this still happened?  What fucking good are you?  How could you let this happen?”

Carver tried to defend himself, but Anders cut him off.  “Fuck your excuses.”  Anders turned to Varric.  “I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Carver did this just to get back at Fenris.” 

This time Anders marched forward to get in Carver’s face.  “Feel good does it?  Offering your brother-in-law up like a blood sacrifice?”

“Blondie!  Back off!  It’s not what you think.”  Varric pulled him violently away and out of Carver’s personal space which Cullen immediately filled, most likely to keep Anders at distance.

Varric punched Isabela, “I thought you told him.”

“I didn’t get to that part yet.” She rubbed at her sore arm.

“Okay blondie, so you know what happened years ago, so let’s talk about the present.  First things first, Junior and Curly here on our side, so deal with it.  Second, we need to figure out where Fenris is and a big part of that involves us not being at each other’s throats, alright?”

Merrill called from the other room, “Izzy? Could you give me a hand please?  The boys are hungry.”    

Anders instinctively wanted to go, but he knew his place was to be near the source of information.  Plus, he noticed the way Carver craned his neck to peek in the apartment and he wanted to ensure that the Templar didn’t get another inch further than he was.

“Don’t even think about it.  They have no idea who you are and I’m going to keep it that way.”

 Carver pleaded, “Marian wouldn’t – “

“Marian is dead!”  Carver jerked back at Anders’ scathing retort even though it was low to keep the boys from hearing.  “Fenris is alive and I know his wishes!  Don’t even try to bullshit me.  If you wanted to be a part of your family, you shouldn’t have jumped on Fenris at the funeral.”

“I know!”  Snapped Carver, equally low.  “Fuck’s sake, I know.  I was eighteen then.  Didn’t you ever do something stupid when you were that age?”

Deadpan, Anders crossed his arms and answered truthfully.  “Yes, and I was beaten and put in solitary confinement for it.”

Carver turned to Cullen for help, but his fiancé stayed out of it.  “Look, I don’t want to argue, especially not now, but please, understand that I’m trying to make things right.  I know I fucked up.  I know I can’t take it back, but I wanted – I’m trying to fix my mistake, alright?”

The tension left an uncomfortable silence which Cullen sought to break.  “Did Fenris have any nanny cams set up?  Perhaps the footage might give us a clue as to where he went.”

“The Nanny app!  Curly, you’re a genius.  Blondie, gimme your phone.”  Varric snatched it as soon as Anders produced it.  There was no telling what he was doing, but apparently some type of spy software had been installed.

“Varric, we’re going to talk about this later.” 

Varric shrugged off Anders threat as he handed the phone over.  “Sure, sure.  Let’s just hope that Broody has his phone with him.”

_‘It smells like rotting fish.  Is this honestly the best your fancy Chantry coin can buy?’_

Anders reacted without thinking.  “Fenris!  Where are you?!” 

“Sorry, the software doesn’t work like that, you can only hear them, not they you.  Pay attention.  Listen for any more clues.”  Varric pulled out his own phone, “Hey.  Yeah, listen.  Focus the search on the docks, we think he’s somewhere that smells like fish.”

_‘I did as you asked.  Where is Karl Thekla?’_

"Alive?  Karl is alive?"  Anders was in utter disbelief.  

 _'Right this way.’_ Meredith's voice held a tone of dark teasing, like a monster that plays with its prey.

Fenris’ attitude transformed instantly to one of abject horror _‘What?!  Vishente kaffas!  What is that abomination?’_

_‘I would have thought that obvious.  Say hello Karl.’_

_‘What have you done to him?’_ Fear and bewilderment in his tone made Anders’ stomach drop out.  The human experiments.  He gritted his teeth and clutched the phone close with shaky hands.

_‘He is my prototype.  The discovery of red lyrium and the guidance from the Maker has allowed us to create a new tranquil, one that is more useful and easier to control.  Traditional methods have proven to be ineffective.    The Circle mages need to re-learn their place and he will help me usher in a new era of Chantry control.’_

_‘This is madness!’_ Fenris spit in anger.  _‘The Chantry wouldn’t sanction this!  This is for your power!’_

_‘How blind you are.  The downfall of falling prey to the sinful temptation of the flesh.’_

Fenris growled but kept any rebuttal to himself.

_‘Enough talk.  It is time for Anders to learn his lesson, for all mages to learn - Meredith Stannard will not permit magic to run wild and corrupt our world.  They will be brought to heel.’_

The silence was frightening.  Anders fell to his knees and brought the phone closer, worried the voices might be too low to hear. 

When Meredith spoke again, it was a death blow.  ‘ _Tranquil.  Kill the elf.’_

_Fenris shouted, ‘You cannot be serious!?’_

Anders whimpered, helpless.  Varric was on the other side of the room shouting at someone on the phone.  Cullen and Carver ran out the door.  Anders raced after them, desperate to have something to do.

Carver worried his hands, “We don’t even know where we’re going.”

“The docks.  Anywhere to get closer so that once we get word we’ll be that much closer.”

“Shut up!”  Anders barked. 

The confines of the metal elevator made Meredith’s voice sound as though it came from the Fade itself.  _‘…ders must be punished.  Death is too quick, too lenient a punishment for the seeds of rebellion he has sown.  He will suffer through you, through Karl.  His only memories of you both replaced by the knowledge you slaughtered each other in cold blood.  I’ll even gift him your heads, preserved for all eternity as a reminder that this, all of this is **Because. Of. Him!** Never again will any mage forget its place!’    _

There was no room for doubt, the woman was certifiably insane.  In the parking lot, Cullen tried to keep Anders from jumping in the car behind Carver.  “It might be best if you stayed behind.”

“You can’t stop me.  I’m coming with you.”  A rich blue flame sparked in Anders’ eyes, “Justice shall be done.”


	10. The Final Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bad shit happens

The sickening smell of the warehouse became less annoying as Fenris faced the possibility of fighting to the death.  He searched the massive room for an escape but the windows were too high.  The morning sun struggled to reach the interior through the yellowed, dusty glass.  Templars were posted at the three exits he could see.  It was clear the building had fallen into neglect and likely no one would come looking for trespassers.  Or find bodies in a timely manner.

Dressed only in long flowing pants, Karl walked clumsily toward Fenris.  His skin was a mess of scars and jagged, crude lines of lyrium embedded in his skin.  Jerky movements hinted that unlike Fenris, Karl’s lyrium was solid in multiple places and interfered with the full movement of his joints.  He resembled a marionette with a novice puppet master. 

In the short conversations they had had, Fenris knew some stories of Karl and Anders’ time together.  One of them being constant talk of running away from the Circle.  He held out hope that he would be able to find a way to reach him. 

“Karl!  Do not listen to this mad woman!  Anders is safe from her!  I can take you to him, he’s free of the Circle!”

Karl marched onward, his face holding no recognition, no emotion.  Fenris felt sick when he recognized the bright red sunburst in the center of his brow.  Even the rite of Tranquility had been bastardized by the corrupted lyrium. 

Backing away, Fenris tried to buy some time by shouting at Meredith.  “You think you can make me disappear?  I run the largest company on southern shores, the authorities will search for me!”

“And they will find you.  Dead at the hands of a mage, providing me the means necessary to bring Anders back under heel.” 

Fenris charged Meredith.  It was foolish to be sure, but hopefully unexpected enough that she wouldn’t have time to react.  And she didn’t.

But Karl did.

Karl moved swiftly to intercept him, using his own momentum against him to fling Fenris up over his shoulder and over to fall crashing against a wall.  Slamming against the ground, Fenris kept moving, rolling over and over until he found his feet and could sprint to the opposite side of the warehouse.

Meredith laughed maniacally.  “This is more entertaining than watching a mouse in a flaming maze.” 

The other Templars chuckled with her.  Karl remained impassive but determined to accomplish his task.

“Karl.  This is not you!  Remember who you are!”  Karl was closing the distance between them and Fenris braced for the attack.  “I will not fight you.”

A solid kick in the ribs and ear splitting punch to the face had Fenris seriously reconsider his last statement.  Scrambling on his hands and knees, he was able to push Karl over by grabbing him by the legs and wrestle him on the sand packed floor.

“Anders loves you.”  Saying it out loud pierced Fenris’ heart.  He felt himself emotionally bleeding out as he no longer fought to live, but fought for preserve his new love.  “Anders needs you.” 

They twisted and clawed like rabid dogs.  Nothing but a mess of limbs as Fenris worked to get Karl in a restraining hold.  Karl sought to deliver punishing hits. 

“Remember counting the stars?  Remember hiding the kitten?  Please, Karl, this is not who you are!”  Fenris clutched onto Karl’s back, holding for dear life. 

The unbelievably strong man stood, easily bearing his weight, then set off in a dead sprint toward a wall and at the last moment, pivoted to have Fenris crushing into the unforgiving surface.  The force rattled through his entire body and Fenris’ grip fell apart. He wasn’t inept at hand to hand combat, but he couldn’t bring himself to risk killing Karl.  Anders would never forgive him. 

His mouth filled with a metallic taste, but it wasn’t the blood he expected.  Fenris jerked his head up just in time to see Karl casting a spell.  It should have been impossible, yet surviving a red lyrium grafting should have been impossible as well. 

Reflexively, Fenris flared his own brands to block the spell.  A shockwave still passed through the barrier, smacking him in the back of his eyes and leaving him seeing black spots and stars. 

Meredith cursed then yelled at Karl.  Knowing that his opponent was making mistakes improved Fenris’ morale even if his body was feeling beat to the Void and back.  Hoping to seize the moment, Fenris tackled Karl once more, this time charging his brands as he did. 

The lyrium veins within Fenris felt sticky when they interacted with Karl’s red lyrium.  His first reaction was to pull away, but he fought the ill feeling and held on.  Clutching the taller man, he bore his fingers into his back and willed his power to burn through. 

A crack.

Something snapped.

A sharp pain lanced through Fenris’ back.

He held on.

Crack.

Karl’s arms enveloped him instead of pushing, “Anders?”

His voice was weak but it was there.  It was real, nothing like the vacant tone Fenris had heard from the Tranquil shop attendants outside the Circle.  No, there was emotion in his voice. 

Hope.

“Yes.  Anders, he’s alive.  He’s safe.”  Who knows what lie Meredith had fed Karl for him to agree to this transformation, assuming he even willingly obliged to begin with.  “Anders is well.”

A severe magical strike.  A wedge pushed through the crack Fenris had made.  He felt the tension of the lyrium in Karl’s body change.  It felt like an ice pick hacking through the frozen surface of a lake.     

Another sharp pain ripping through his back left Fenris screaming.  It wasn’t the lyrium, it wasn’t even Karl. 

Cold metal slicing through his body. 

The world became jumbled moments. 

He fell to the ground, spraining his wrist.  Funny how that pain registered over everything else that was assaulting his body in that moment.

Meredith stood over him, a bloody dagger in her hand.  There was a second of clarity, _Oh, that’s what it was._  

Seeing the weapon made Fenris’ stomach drop.  It would have been easier to press on if he hadn’t seen the size and length of the dagger.  Oh, damn was he fucked.  Now all he could imagine was how deep it had traveled. 

“You will obey me!  I am the right hand of the Maker!” 

Karl ignored Meredith’s ranting, instead staring down at his lyrium infused hands, then at Fenris.  Sadness dominating his features.  “What have you done to me?”

“It is of no matter.”  Meredith snapped.  “Do as I command, kill him!”

There was hesitation.  The pause stretched out until Fenris felt hands on him, pulling him up.  He wiggled his feet, but they couldn’t find solid ground.  The strength to stand was impossible to demand. 

“Karl Thekla.  Anders held your hand when you studied in the library.”  Fenris managed a small chuckle, blood trickling from the corner of his mouth as Karl drew him in closer.  “He stole your shoes once.  Wore them a whole day.”

The stern grip on Fenris’ shirt loosened as Karl mumbled to himself, recalling the old memory.  “Walk in my shoes for a day and you will know why we have to be careful.”

“He loves you.”  This time Fenris fell in to a coughing fit as he choked on his pooling blood.

Magic.  The sensation of it knitting his wounds together, was a harsh reminder that he’d been stabbed twice.  The process was rough and painful, tears pricked at the corner of his eyes but he bore through it. 

A cacophony of voices drowned out the world.  All Fenris knew was that he was face down in the dirt, breathing in the musty dust.  A fight.  The Templars and Karl.  The battle of mana and lyrium fueled stamina raged just above him.  Adrenaline and sheer willpower surged through his body and before he knew it, Fenris was plowing down two Templars.  With the raw power of the lyrium behind each punch, within minutes two of them were out of the fight for good. 

Stumbling back to his feet, he watched Karl kill a Templar with a crushing prison spell.  He was uncertain how the other Templar had been knocked out.  Or killed.  At present, all that remained were Meredith, Karl, and Fenris.

“This is why magic must be in check.  You disgusting animal, look what you have done to the faithful!  You have no soul!  I will stay true to my path!  I will have order!”  Meredith ran to a corner, then turned around brandishing a large sword.  The magic that emanated from the artifact felt more sickly than Karl’s markings.

Fenris found himself vomiting.  As wrong and unnatural as Karl felt, that damned sword was worse.  He fell over, this time dizzy, nauseous, and helpless.  Unable to stand, Fenris crawled.  His fingernails bore into the packed sand as he pulled himself closer.  He needed to help, he couldn’t let Karl die again.  Not again….

Karl’s magic combating the lyrium sword created harsh bursts of light and shockwaves that sent bile to Fenris’ tongue.  Meredith made wide sweeping slashes to attack Karl, but the hardened lyrium in his body kept the weapon from dicing him to bits.  There was still blood. 

Fenris had to make it stop, he had to…

Meredith kicked Karl to the ground disrupting his spell and knocking the breath from his lungs. 

She raised her blade over her head for a killing blow, “Blessed are the righteous, the light in the shadow.  In their blood the Maker's will is written.”

Using the last of his strength, Fenris flung himself forward to have his body covering Karl’s.  When the sword hit, he felt the pressure, the crushing weight of the tainted weapon slamming against his body and cracking his ribs.  He was surprised that his skin didn’t feel as if it were being peeled from his corpse. 

Taking a deep breath, he detected the spell.  Karl managed to soften the blow, but the damage was still damning all the same.  The bearded man rolled Fenris over and brushed aside the sword startling Meredith measurably. 

Karl snarled at the lunatic that attempted to call herself ‘Maker’.  “Blessed are they who stand before the corrupt and the wicked and do not falter.”

A single tone rang in Fenris’ ears.  He tried to move, to see, but he felt lost.  Dying.  Up and down held no meaning, all he could do was turn his head in the direction of sound.  Then he felt it.  Karl fell again, landing next to Fenris.  The glint of the corrupted sword signaled that Meredith was trying to kill Karl once more.  The sight sent a panicked reaction through Fenris and he reached out with his brands, saving Karl from the intended death blow. 

When the sword rebounded, Meredith screeched, “Stop interfering you traitorous bastard!”

“You are the one who will stop!”  New magic swept through the room, cleansing the space.  It felt like a breath of fresh air combined with a shocking rush of clean, cool water. 

Seeking out the owner of the miraculous spell, Fenris smiled to see Anders standing in the unguarded doorway.  His beautiful blonde hair was down and brushing over his shoulders.  His stance was firm and powerful, challenging.  Brilliant blue flames waited at his fingertips, primed with a deep pool of mana Fenris had never felt before.  Wielding the strength of the Fade with such grace and ease, it was a glorious sight to behold.  Beautiful, raw passion.

In pajamas.

If he weren’t covered in dust and dying, Fenris might have laughed.

“I'll show you why Mages are feared!”  Anders’ voice echoed in the empty building.  Intense magic swirled around him like a growing tempest.  Dust and lightning combined with roaring blue flames to create a massive storm that followed Anders as he stalked up to the dumbfounded Meredith. 

“ **Fear** me, for I will expose you for the power-hungry abomination that you are.  **Tremble at my feet,** for mages are not the monsters you paint us to be and soon the world will turn on your bigotry.  **Hate me** , because I will teach others the strength found in love, and I will destroy the prison of solitude you built to cage us.  **Never again** will anyone suffer at your hand!”

Fenris’ eyes fought against the weight of his eyelids, desperate to watch Meredith’s final hour.  Karl’s hand grasped his shoulder but he couldn’t find the strength to face him.  He knew the man had taken a beating, but he wasn’t sure what shape he was in, if he were worse or better off than he.

“Thank you.”  Karl rolled Fenris over, rendering him breathless from the effort.  “Thank you.  For.  Saving me.”

Karl must have felt it too. 

Death prowled in the corners of the warehouse, ready to pounce and claim a weary soul.   Fenris was ready, he’d made his peace.  The greatest regret that he held was that he would miss the boys growing older.  Sharing in their triumphs and nurturing them through their failures.  He held no fear.

Anders would care for the boys, of that he had no doubt.  Anders would teach them to be strong, teach them to never bow, to never accept slavery at the hands of the Circle.  Anders would teach them to live – to love – in a world without fear.  To ensure their future, Fenris was pleased with his sacrifice. 

He felt himself slipping, but a voice called to him, begging him to stay awake.  Fenris’ eyes fluttered open but he couldn’t recall if a moment or an hour had passed.  Karl spoke to him, his words breaking through the chaos and grounding Fenris back to the present. 

As death staked his claim, the two men shared their final wishes. 

***

Anders woke in a hospital with every known medical machine attached to him.  A nurse sat watching a movie on his phone with earbuds.  A mage healer lay passed out on a couch under the window.  The room was larger than any of the bays at the Circle.  All this space for him? 

He was alive.  By the Maker’s hairy dick!  He was alive.

Trying to sit up caused his stomach to drop, then he registered that there was a breathing tube down his throat which had him gagging in earnest.  The sudden change in the instruments beeping sent the nurse jumping from his seat to assist Anders in removing the tube.

“Sweet mercy, we didn’t expect you to come out of it so soon.”  The nurse let Anders take a few deep breaths before offering him some water to wash out the feel of the tube.  “How are you doing?  Anything immediate I can take care of?”

When Anders shook his head to the negative, the nurse rearranged Anders bedcovers then went for the door.  “I’ll get Dr. Wynne.  She’ll want to know you’re awake.” 

Anders felt achy and weak.  Reaching for the Fade stung, but it was still there, so he decided to be content with that.  During his fight with Meredith he’d tried to avoid killing her, but the bizarre strength and abilities granted to her through that red lyrium was impossible to overcome without taking leathal measures.  He knew it wasn’t right, but a dark part of him had taken pleasure in killing the deranged psycho.  She was beyond redemption and a trial would have only resulted in more suffering.

Dr. Wynne arrived and went right into a thorough examination after dismissing the night watch from the couch.  She was a rare exception within the hospital in that she was trained as both a traditional healer as well as having talent as a spirit healer.  According to her summary of his health, Anders would have been dead had it not been for her.  As she listed his injuries and the treatments that were implemented, Anders understood enough about healing to know that he’d almost died when Carver and Cullen found him in the warehouse. 

“You nearly burnt yourself out.  I strongly recommend that you never attempt such a feat again.  You’re fortunate that you didn’t sever your ties with the Fade entirely.”

That’s how they’d found him, mana entirely exhausted and he passed out disconnected from the Fade.  As Templars, they noted his state and ensured the healers addressed that issue early on.  Anders made a mental note to thank them later.    

The worst memory he held of that night was rushing from a grueling battle with Knight-Commander-turned-abomination, straight to the two men he loved who lay dying next to one another. 

He’d reached out with what little magic was left of him, begging the spirit of Justice to help, but the spirit was also tired.  His magic spread to the both of them.  Upon discovering one was already long dead, he channeled all of his energy to the other with a guilty and heavy heart.

His impotence in that instant left him feeling like a villain. 

He waited for Wynne to leave before letting himself grieve without reserve.  He’d always guessed that Meredith had lied about Karl, but to discover what she’d done, to see what she had tried to do, was unbearable.  All of that showboating just to keep Anders from becoming a martyr, to keep mages on a leash. 

Anders exploded into a fresh wave of heartache.  He cried until nothing was left.  When the tears no longer came, he was still in pain.  He whined, low and full of misery, until his body gave out once more.  Anders was then forced into fall into a deep sleep. 

 

Anders woke regrettably, some time later.  He didn’t feel much better. 

“Hey Blondie.  How are you doing?”  Varric sat by the window at the little desk in the room.  He’d obviously set up shop for the long haul, surrounded by stacks of papers and two laptops.  Setting his glasses down on the table, he turned to face Anders.  “Do you need anything?”

“Drink.”  Anders felt the abrasive dryness in the back of his throat from crying.  His eyes began to water since they were still red and angry. 

Bypassing the tap, Varric reached into a small fridge and offered him a bottle of spring water.  Varric turned away sharply as a means to avoid looking at the sadness in Anders’ eyes. 

“You, uh, are making great progress according to the head healer here.  Smart gal, although too quick to turn down a compliment.  Hard egg to crack.”  Varric chuckled. 

Anders didn’t even consider responding until the entire bottle was empty.  “Not to sound rude, but why are _you_ here?”

Varric wheeled a dinner table over that presented a standard ‘liquid diet’ – broth, pudding, and a cup of fruit juice. 

“Can’t a concerned friend stop by and offer wishes of ‘get well soon’ without suspicion?”  Anders slanted his head toward the work filled desk then back at Varric.  “Not buying it huh kid?  Ah, well, there it is.”

Varric pulled a chair up next to the bed and rubbed at his chin thoughtfully before beginning.  “Alright, I’ll get right to it.  I’m here because Carver wants to talk to you.” Anders snorted and Varric inched forward in his seat, “Now, c’mon.  Give him a chance to explain himself then you can go on being ‘Team Die-Templars-Die’, alright?”

“Do we have to do this now?  I’m eating.” 

Varric looked lamely at the untouched meal, “Now who’s trying to sell a cart of nugshit?  Just, please, give him a chance.”

The dwarf was gone and back before Anders had a chance to think up a list of things he’d rather do.  It troubled him somewhat that Carver had been waiting nearby for who knows how long.  Hours?  Days?  The idea softened his demeanor and Anders readied himself to give the lad some slack, but only a little.

Carver entered, leaving Varric in the doorway who gave a small bit of encouragement.  “You got this, Junior.”

Carver didn’t sit in Varric’s seat.  Instead he stood with this hands clasped in front of him.  Even though he wore a plain t-shirt and khakis, the vulnerable way he held himself could have convinced Anders he was naked. 

“First, I want you to know that we had no idea that she had…that she…”  Carver gritted his teeth to finally spit it out with anger.  “What was done to Karl was beyond the pale.  I swear if we had known, or even suspected, we would have put a stop to it.  I can’t…I can’t begin to express to you my sincerest regret that you, and he, suffered through that.”

When Anders gave nothing in response, Carver continued.  “I also came here to let you know the truth about your employment.”

“My – what are you talking about?  The boys needed a tutor, so Varric came to hire me.”

“Isabela told me that she explained to you that Cullen and I were working together to flush out the Templar order and find the source of the lyrium smuggling, right?  Well, part of that involved working with the Wardens.  Since they have mages within their ranks, this illegal activity concerned them as well.  They were the ones who approached us, actually.”

“Of course they would.  The Wardens have mages.  A friend of mine from my apprentice days, Solona is one of them.”  Anders waved off the statement to encourage Carver to reach his point.

“Exactly.  When Solona’s investigation began to point to Kirkwall she was worried about you.  Especially after she heard about Karl and the subsequent unrest you caused shortly thereafter.  She was looking for a way to protect you without it being obvious, hence why she asked her husband – Alistair – if he had any old Templar friends willing to help.”

“Who, you?”

“Not me, Cullen.  They went through training together.  Anyway, Cullen was careful to ensure that his name didn’t come too closely to yours incase his investigation was uncovered.  That’s how you ended up in solitary.  The safest place until a better solution presented itself.”

Anders was intrigued by the spider web that Carver weaved.  Solona worried over him?  Even after the way he treated her?  “So, then who’s idea was it to ship me off with Varric?”

“Actually, that was my idea.  Varric didn’t like the suggestion at all.”  Carver rubbed at the back of his head, and stared at his feet.  “Cullen read through your record for me before Varric approached us.  Smart, talented, and determined not to take any Templar shit - you reminded me of Marian.  When Varric came looking for a tutor, it took some additional convincing for him to even consider the idea.”

Anders pinched his eyes shut as he rubbed his face in awe, “You intentionally sent me with Varric as what?  Dick bait?”

“No!  No, not at all.  Well, not exactly.  It’s just that – “  Carver huffed and shuffled his feet once more.  “Being with Cullen has been the best time of my life.  He’s kind and compassionate and visiting his family- “ 

When Carver choked on his words, Anders finished for him with a sigh, “You realized what you alienated yourself from by acting out at the funeral.”

“Yeah.  Exactly.  I was a little hopeful that you and Fenris might hit it off.  Can you blame me?  Besides, we had to find somewhere safe for you to go.  As for the past, I – yes – I know I was a dick, but I had just lost my sister.  She was my hero.”

“Fenris lost his wife.  The boys, their mother.”  Anders saw the sting his words had.

Carver whispered with regret, “I know.  I can’t take that back.  I wish I could.  But I had hoped that maybe, fuck!  It all sounds so stupid now.  But I was sincere, this time I really was.  I wanted Fenris to be happy again.  I know doing all this doesn’t make up for shit, but I had to try.  I wanted to try.”

Anders let the entire scenario sink in.  He mulled it around, still amazed at how everything developed.  “Why tell me this?”

Carver shrugged his shoulders as he walked to the window.  “Cullen harps on me to be an adult.  Honesty is a big part of that.  As well as owning up to past mistakes.”

A gentle tap at the door announced Cullen’s arrival.  He only stepped past the threshold, still holding the door.  “Carver, we need to get back to the courthouse.”

Carver nodded in acknowledgement at the unspoken court-ordered restraints.  Cullen turned to Anders, “You are looking better.” 

“Thank you.  What’s this going on at the courthouse?” 

“Formal charges are being brought up on the Templar abuses discovered during our investigation.  It’s a legal nightmare but we’re taking care of it, as best we can.  It wouldn’t surprise me to see the Circle fall apart after this.”  Cullen shook his head with remorse.  “It’ll leave a mess, but it has to be done.”

They said their goodbyes then Anders was left alone.  He felt the weight of Carver’s revelation sit heavy on him.  It was all so strange, ever since that dreaded morning, everything seemed like a nightmare. 

He couldn’t even decide how he should feel, everything was simply fucked. He wanted to cry but there was nothing left.  Nausea teased at his stomach but there was nothing to expel.  Finally, Anders determined that he had fallen into some sick version of limbo that he couldn’t escape.  Calling for the nurse, he feigned the right symptoms to have his painkillers increased and let himself slip into a deep sleep. 

***

The room was pitch black when he woke up, glancing at the clock informed him that it was indeed the dead of night.  He rolled over and the fresh pain in his stomach let him know that he was starving.  Flicking on his lamp, he found and used the phone to call for a meal.

Only after hanging up did he notice that he was not alone.  Staring at the darkened window he saw the outline of a man sitting in Varric’s chair. 

“I save your life and you avoid me for an entire day?”  It wasn’t the heartfelt greeting Anders had imagined.  The bitterness came through like a shot and he was unable to stop it. 

The man hung his head, fidgeting with his fingers before offering, “I shall go if you prefer.  However, I must be allowed to say my piece.”

Pressure built in Anders’ chest to the breaking point.  He choked on his words, “I can’t.  I can’t handle this right now.  Please.”

“You have to know.  I have to tell you what he said before he died.” 

That firm authoritarian voice was one Anders knew all too well.  “Fine.  Fine.”

“First: He loved you.  You were all he could think of, his only motivation to keep going.” 

Anders felt like a filthy traitor, saving one overt the other, his mind playing tricks on him and having him doubt that he was right in assessing the other’s death.  Had he truly been dead?  Could he have done something more? 

Shit, he felt like a failure.  “Maker dammit, why are you doing this?  Have I not suffered enough?!”

“I am not done.  He made a final request that I will honor – ‘Protect my beautiful mage.  Love him’.”

Silence. 

Anders felt his heart pinch.  He was in awe, surprised.  “He…he told you that?  He said those words, just like that?”

“I have no reason to lie to you.”

More silence.  Anders even managed to drown out the constant blips and squeaks from the monitoring equipment.  Piecing together the fragments of his life, Anders worked through his emotions, firstly betrayal.

“Then why, tell me why you didn’t say a fucking thing about Meredith.”  

A sigh, then a small shuffle of his feet.  Anders noticed he needed the assistance of a cane.  “I wanted to keep you safe.  I don’t care how cliché or stupid it sounds.  She was not going to lay a hand on you, not without going through me.”

“And she did!  She ripped through the both of you!”  Anders shouted, his heartbeat exploding on the monitor.  Not wanting an audience, Anders closed his eyes and focused on calming his nerves.

Once the beeps returned to a normal cadence, the man continued.  “It was not my intention to cause you more grief, but answer me honestly.  If the roles had been reversed, would you have reacted differently than I?”

Anders thought on it in earnest.  Karl giving himself up for Anders, for the other mages.  Fenris running off to keep Anders and his family safe.  Even considering hindsight, Anders woefully nodded in agreement.  “No, I suppose I wouldn’t.  But it would be nice if _you_ were a little more selfish from now on.”

“From now on.”

Anders watched the shadowy man hobble toward the door.  “You’re going?”

“I think I need to.”

The door began to close and Anders felt compelled.  “Wait!  I…I’m sorry.”  At the bemused expression, he received, Anders explained.  “I’m sorry for all this, Meredith, Karl.  I’m sorry that I got to know Karl’s wishes and you…didn’t.  You know, for Marian.”

“I am sorry as well.  Not for the ignorance of her wishes, rather, ignoring my own.”  Fenris approached the bed, his face finally clear in the lamp’s light.  The red rims around his eyes were raw and damp.  “These past few weeks with you have been the greatest I have had in years.  All of this has taught me I _will_ always love Marian, however, I capable of loving more.”

“I’m…not…”

Fenris held up a knowing hand as though reading Anders’ mind.  “I understand you will want some space considering what occurred with Meredith and Karl.”  Fenris took his hand in his own.  “I’m not going anywhere.  I can get you anything.  Cullen and Carver are cleaning out the Templar order with support from the Wardens.  I’ve supplied them with the best lawyers in Thedas.  Varric has increased our guard detail.”  He pressed a kiss to Anders’ knuckles.  “I will keep you safe, even if you decide we are not meant to be.  I will hold no regrets or grudges.”

Anders gut reaction was to protest, claiming that he was desperate to be with Fenris again, but the sudden flood of tears beat him to the punch.  He tried to stay quiet, but his body wouldn’t listen.  In seconds his body was wracked with sobbing shakes as he wailed.  Fenris took a seat in the chair next to the bed, never letting go. 

When Fenris leaned his head against Anders’ chest, the mage whispered, “Please, don’t leave me alone.”

“Never.”  It was only one word, but the small tremble in it betrayed that Fenris had also succumbed to tears. 

The last thoughts that ran through Anders’ mind were of Meredith and how he wished he’d made her suffer more. 

That was the only visit Fenris made to the hospital

***

Two days later, Anders heard Isabela before he saw her.  “Alright, behave yourselves and don’t jump on the bed or I’ll spank your little bottoms raw, got it?”

The twins gave a chorus response, “Yes, Miss Izzy.”

Their docile tones were a complete lie compared to the unbridled energy that came bounding through the door.  Both of them rushed to Anders side with drawings, candy, and toys. 

Isabela plopped down in the nearby chair, slinging her long legs over the side.  “Sorry, Sweetie.  I tried.”

Anders couldn’t help but laugh.  Seeing the twins in all of their exuberance was a welcome change.  “It’s alright.”

The boys calmed down as Anders allowed them each a turn back and forth to talk about their art, and their toys. 

Holding the artwork littered with stick people, Anders needed some help.  “Malcolm, tell me about this one.  Who are all these people?” 

“That’s me, that’s Iovro, that’s Izzy and Miss Merrill, and that’s-that’s the pizza guy.”

Iovro chimed in, “Yeah, he comes to the apartment all the time.  When are you coming home?  I miss my room.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Anders looked at Isabela for an answer.  Merrill took the hint, “Boys, I can’t get the television on, can you help me out?”

Isabela waited for Merrill to corral the boys to the other side of the room before speaking low to Anders.  “He’s an utter mess that man, works too hard.  All three have been living with us ever since, well, you know.  He tires easy and has to take naps, but otherwise, not bad considering.”

Anders relaxed into his pillow.  “Is he here?”

“No.  I asked before I left, but he declined.”  Isabela looked over at the boys who were playfully teasing Merrill and her ineptness with the electronics.  “He…he won’t say it, but the stubborn ass is afraid.”

Thinking back on what he had to do, the spirit he had to channel must have made him look like the worst sort of mage.  The kind of out of control monstrosity that Meredith warned people about.  “Wise to steer clear of the abomination.”

“What?  Are you a few darkspawn shy of a Blight.”  Isabela drawled.  “Do you think he’d let the little chicks visit you if he were afraid of that?  Idiot-mage.  He’s worried about you.”

Thank the Maker Fenris didn’t label him a danger.  Anders gave a dry laugh in relief.  “Worried?  Him and everyone else.”

“Anders - ”  Isabela set a concerned hand on his.  “I hate be crass, but I’m saying it because no one else will: your boyfriend died in his arms.  You saw it, you were there.  That’s not an event that he takes lightly.  The last thing he wants, is to remind you of that before you’re ready.” 

As much as he didn’t want to admit it, they were right.  Even now, just talking about Fenris brought his emotions to the surface and he felt the sadness taking control. 

In an instant the boys were rushing to his side and weaving through the wires and tubes to climb onto the bed with him. 

“You troublesome Hawkes!  Get down from there this instant!”  Isabela’s demand fell on deaf ears.

“Mr. Anders are you okay?”

“Do you need a hug?”

“He has to have a hug, it helps getting the tears out so you feel better.”

Before Anders could protest, he found himself encapsulated in tiny limbs.  “No, no, my little schatzi.”  He sniffled and rubbed at his eyes, but the tears soldiered on.  “Excuse me…I’m fine.”

“You know, Mr. Anders, can’t break the number one rule.”

Malcolm nodded against Anders’ chest, “That’s right.  Number one rule: Family always gets a hug.”

Anders was certain his heart was on the verge of exploding.  Meanwhile Isabela was on the verge of vomiting.  Merrill pulled out her phone for a quick picture, but the moment stretched on and Anders was more than grateful for it.  The boys had Merrill switch the channel to their favorite show, ‘because it would make Mr. Anders feel better’.  They took turns feeding Anders his broth, much of the soup ending up in his lap.  Then they helped themselves to his pudding.   

It was only when the twins began to fall asleep that Isabela signaled their need to depart to meet their bedtimes.  As they said their goodbyes, the boys made their final pleas for Anders to get well soon.

“Please come home.  When Papa cooks, it takes like fourteen days.”  Said Malcolm.

“Yeah.”  Iovro scrunched up his face at a particular memory.  “Papa’s rice makes my stomach die and stops my heart.”

“Alright little Hawklings, are we all done saying goodbye to Mr. Anders?”  Isabela scanned the room for anything they may have left behind that needed to go back with them.  Merrill helped to put their shoes back on. 

“Oh!  I have one more drawing.”  Iovro squirmed over to Merrill’s bag and pulled out another sheet of paper. 

Anders held the tiny artwork that held similar tones as the others – lots of stick figures but this one had two figures flying over a crowd.  “Thank you Iovro, can you tell me who this is?” 

Malcolm pipped up, “That’s you and that’s Papa.  You’re flying because super heroes fly.  Papa said you are a super hero.”

“All those down there, they are the other mage children just like us!  Papa said you saved them and look here, here is me and this is Malcolm.  Did you know there were other mages just like us?!  Will you take us to meet them?”

“Yeah!  Are you their teacher too?”

“Boys, Mr. Anders needs his rest.  If you please.”  Merrill was the one to take charge and oddly enough, the boys obeyed her coaxing more readily than Isabela. 

“For, when you’re ready.  There’s no rush.”  Isabela handed Anders his old cell phone.  She hesitated at the door, then steeled herself to add, “Would you like to know my thoughts?  You two go well together.  I hope it works out, I really do.  Plus, Varric will owe me $200 if you do-the-deed in the next two weeks.” 

She smiled then ducked when Anders tossed a pillow at her.  “Oh, hit a soft spot did I?  See?  You already had your mind in the gutter.  I give it one.”

“Get out you ridiculous wench.”  Anders laughed as he caught the returned pillow. 

The few hours that remained in the day went quickly.  Varric collected a few minor things and promised to return in the morning, bring a game if Anders felt up for it.  He’d offered to pin up the pile of art the boys brought but Anders preferred to have them at his bedside. 

Long after darkness fell, Anders dwelled on Karl.  On Fenris.  The spot light of his reading lamp beamed down on Iovro’s drawing. 

_Papa says you’re a super hero._


	11. Home at Last

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading this and enjoying the story along with me. The next chapter is the smut. It's separate for those who prefer to skip it.
> 
> As for the delay in the final chapter, I apologize that I was distracted by another work, which has also just been posted if you're interested - [Breaking Point](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10392510/chapters/22950144)

Anders was wheeled to the entrance of the hospital.  He could have walked, but the nurse insisted claiming hospital policy.  The familiar black car that Fenris used when they were together waited for him.  A tremor of excitement made his fingers twitch.  A whole ten days in the hospital and he’d only seen Fenris for one of them.  He’d had the option to call, but the raging butterflies in his stomach kept Anders from picking up the phone. 

Part of him wanted Fenris to be there.

Part of him didn’t.

He wasn’t sure and he hated that. 

When the chauffer rounded the vehicle to open the door to an empty back seat save for a modest bouquet of flowers.  Anders felt crushing disappointment.  Hanging his head, he sighed as the nurse offered his hand. 

“I will assist him.”

That voice.  That husky perfection that could only belong to one beautiful man warmed Anders heart.  A broad smile blossomed the moment he saw Fenris next to him. 

Fenris could have lured Andraste from the Maker’s side.  “Ready to come home?” 

Anders wasn’t sure if Fenris was aware how much those words meant to him.  Home.  He was going to a home, not a Circle.  He’d _never_ have to go to a Circle ever again.  Well, depending on how the courts ruled, but public opinion leaned in the mages’ favor. 

Standing, he felt a small wave of dizziness, but Fenris steadied him and Anders savored the feel of his strength. 

Anders squeezed his hand, “Maker, I’ve missed you.” 

“Likewise.”  Fenris began to lean in for a peck on the cheek, but backed off, second guessing his actions.

Again, Anders was conflicted, unsure if he wanted to pick up on their previous intimacy or continue with their current friendly distance.  One would think after all that time alone in the hospital he’d know what he wanted by now, yet, he just couldn’t figure himself out. 

The ride to the apartment was light conversation and idle chatter.  The twins were still at Izzy and Merrill’s, Fenris arranged for Anders to have some quiet as he settled back in. 

“That cane suits you.”  Anders nodded to the accessory as they rode the elevator up the skyscraper.

“Thank you.  I am considering keeping it.”  Fenris twisted the top and revealed a hidden dagger.

“Always prepared.” 

Fenris nodded.  “I have made some changes, yes.  Past mistakes will not be repeated.”

In the apartment, Anders sought out the couch for a needed rest.  Never had he ever thought walking would wear him out so easily.  Fenris sat in the chair caddy corner to the couch and they remained quiet, staring at one another with nothing to say, both lost in their own thoughts, frightened of what the other was thinking.

Anders hit a breaking point and had to speak his mind.  “Fenris, I…I’m not sure where to go from here.”

Surprisingly, Fenris didn’t seem offended at his confession.  Instead, he pulled out a briefcase and began sifting through multiple folders, all stuffed with papers.  “I have spent some time evaluating your situation.  Should you wish to return to the Circle, I have some documents prepared and lawyers lined up to ensure your rights are protected.  If you desire to find your own place to stay, I have gathered a collection of suitable, safe places that are economical.”  He pulled out more folders, “Here is a list of other families that would consider using your services – “

“Fenris.”  Anders picked up the hefty stack of folders and lightly tossed them on to the coffee table.  “I don’t mean that I want to leave.  I- I know that I like you.  A lot.”

Anders was awash with hopefulness when Fenris’ ears perked up happily.  Anders looked to the pile of folders.  “I want to stay.  Show me that one.”

“There isn’t one.”  Fenris turned his head, his cheeks and the tips of his ears reddened.  “It was too painful to hope for.  I couldn’t bear the thought of believing that fantasy to later have you leave.”

Anders hooked a finger in the collar of Fenris’ dress shirt and pulled him in.  Fenris rose from his chair to meet Anders for a soft kiss.  Chaste and unhurried, it was a welcome beginning.  A warm hand snaked up into Anders’ hair and he leaned into the embrace, refusing to break away from the sweet, gentle kiss. They breathed each other in, their joy floating across in quiet sighs. 

“I do not know what Marian would wish for me, but by facing death, I have learned that all I wanted was for you to be happy.”  Fenris nipped at Anders’ bottom lip, edging closer.  “Let me make you happy.  The joy you bring to my family-“ Fenris’ hand trailed down Anders neck to land over the mage’s heart, his fingers toyed with the shirt button.  “I fear I have fallen for you.  Madly.”

Holding up a hand, Anders stopped Fenris’ advance, “Maker knows how I’ve dreamed of this, but I’m – I can’t.  Not yet, it’s still so raw.”

Fenris plucked up Anders’ hand to press a tender kiss over the knuckles as he put space between them.  “I know.  I will wait.  Being with you is worth any price you demand.”

“Even a kitten?”

Fenris dropped Anders’ hand as if it were fire, his face distorted with confusion, “What?”

Quickly, Anders feigned a headache dramatically.  “I think the drugs are kicking in again.  I’m not sure what I said.  I think I’ll go to bed for a bit.” 

Anders slumped a little heavier on Fenris when he helped him across the apartment.  Perhaps he was pushing things a too fast, too soon, but it was a lovely dream for the moment it lasted. 

~~~

The boys arrived later that afternoon and Anders suspected they'd been coached to be easy with him.  The biggest hint was their constant whispering every time they spoke to him.  He didn't mind.  A nice slow transition was welcome.  

At bedtime, Anders read them four books instead of the normal two.  The rule was decided by the boys since he'd missed so many other bedtimes. 

At the end the children were tucked in tight, and Malcolm whined.  "Mr. Anders, I want a kiss goodnight."

Iovro sat up.  "Me too." 

They'd never asked before.  Anders had never presumed, and as much his heart soared at the idea, he hesitated.

"I shall warn you young man, his beard can be prickly."  Fenris stood leaning against the doorframe.  

Taking the implied permission, Anders gave each boy a peck on the cheek.  Both giggled at the bristle of his chin.  

Walking through the door, Iovro whispered sleepily, "I'm glad you're home Mr. Anders."

"Me too."  He flicked the lights off then Fenris guided him back to the living room.

“How are you doing?  I hope it was not too taxing for you.”  Fenris tugged Anders to sit with him on the couch. 

“I’m sleepy, but happy.  No one is taking my blood or changing out my bedpan.”  Anders hadn’t realized how tired he was until he curled into Fenris’ shoulder.  Fenris stroked his hair while he let his brands hum with a soft glow.  A warm, tingle trickled through Anders, soothing every muscle in his body.  In moments, he felt as though he were floating in a warm bath. 

Thoughts of Karl danced fresh in his memory.  His body trembled when he tried to hold back his sorrow. 

Fenris didn’t miss a beat, “Let it out, I am here.  I will always be here.  I understand.”

 _I understand._   More than just placating words, Anders knew it to be true.  Knew that Fenris attached no stigma to Anders’ situation, applied no label to Anders’ pain.  He was a man who had been there before and knew how badly Anders needed to mourn.  It helped to keep him from hating himself more than he did. 

In this home, he was loved.  He was free, and a small part of him felt ungrateful as he cried in Fenris’ arms.  It hurt.  Everything hurt, but the gentle flow of magic and sweet words from Fenris kept him sane.

_He understands.  He cares.  Maker’s breath, he cares._

 

Noises from the kitchen jarred Anders from his sleep.  The bright morning sun beamed through the large windows and he was surprised that alone hadn’t woken him.  Another clattering of dishes in the kitchen startled both he and Fenris to their feet.

“Boys?”  Fenris questioned.

“No.  Don’t come in.  Nothing is broken!”  Malcolm rushed to answer.

“But the eggs are everywhere.”  Iovro stated.

Both men dashed for the kitchen and were relieved to see that indeed, only eggs were broken and the boys sat on the floor trying to scoop the remains into a large bowl, that was chipped, but not ‘broken’.

Fenris tore off a few sheets of paper towels to help.  “Boys, what are you doing?” 

“Making breakfast.  Mommies and Daddies always have breakfast together.”  Iovro looked at the bowl of raw eggs sprinkled with dirt from the floor. 

“Oh!  I forgot!”  He ran to Anders’ vase of flowers and picked one out, a bundle of them fell out at the motion.  Rushing back, he met Malcolm who held up the ‘breakfast bowl’ and plopped he flower in the middle.  “Tada!”

“Wait, wait, wait.  What were you saying about Mommies an-“ Fenris suddenly fell silent.

Curious, Anders turned and was struck with similar astonishment as he saw red marker all over Fenris’ mouth.  Franticly, he began pointing between the two of them, “You!  Oh, no, and me too!?”

“Yes.  I’m afraid so.”  Fenris rolled his eyes then stared sternly at the two little Hawkes. 

Quickly, the twins spilled into defending themselves. 

“You did it!” Malcolm cried.  “It wasn’t us!”

“When you kiss on the mouth it makes you married.”  Iovro claimed.

“Mr. Anders has to stay here forever now.”

“We didn’t do it!”

Looking over at Fenris, Anders wasn’t sure if he were angry or amused.  To be on the safe side, he took the breakfast bowl away from the kids then instructed them to go to their room.  “You can’t draw on people while they are sleeping.  C’mon, you guys know better than this.  Let’s go.” 

After depositing the boys in their room, Anders returned to the kitchen, ready to calm Fenris down with reassurances the marker wouldn’t be permanent.  Instead he found the man covering his mouth with a hand and chuckling pleasantly to himself. 

Eyeing Anders, he smiled.  “The ideas they get in their heads.”

“Unbelievable.”  Relieved, Anders closed in on him.  “I can fix it.  One moment.” 

With a touch of magic in his thumb, he cupped the other man’s chin to rub away the marker.  Scrubbing complete, Anders blindly cleaned himself up as well with a few pointers from Fenris. 

“Anders.  About what the boys said, I don’t want you to think – “

Fenris never finished. 

His phone rang and the avalanche began.  From that moment on their lives became absolute chaos.  Court appearances, testimonials, news interviews, all of it exploded in full force.  Meredith’s illegal experiments drew international attention. 

Not everyone blamed her, or even the Chantry.  Some conspiracy theorists proclaimed the mages staged the entire fiasco and a few death threats were sent to both Anders and Fenris.  There was never a clear path forward, they would gain momentum then lose some.  The lengthy legal process found the Chantry to be adept at distancing themselves from the rogue Templar Meredith.  There were still harsh words for Anders and other rebel mages that resisted, although their actions were justified. 

Living through it day after day wore on Anders.  Some mornings he dreaded waking up, knowing how the hours would play out.  Usually he found peace in caring for the children, simple work with no judging eyes. 

On a particularly difficult day, he couldn’t even find the strength to do that.  He asked the boys if they could color quietly for a little bit.  Retreating to his room, he left the door open to keep an ear out for trouble. 

He’d never been so mentally exhausted in his whole life, nor so sexually frustrated.  It had been four months since he’d been released from the hospital.  Fenris was more than a gentleman and let Anders be the one to decide the pace at which they would come back together.  Anders was more than thankful, he felt their time spent together only made their relationship richer.  He relished falling in love all over again. 

The front door opened and closed, he called out to be sure it was Fenris.

“It is I.”  Responded that deep, rich voice.  Anders never grew tired of hearing the man speak. 

Entering his room with briefcase in hand, Fenris’ ears drooped with worry, “Are you unwell?”

Anders sat up but remained in bed, his back resting against the headboard.  “I’m fine, just a little worn down I suppose.  How was work?”

“The usual.”  The answer was short, but Anders understood the immense workload it implied.  All of it, because of him. 

Anders buried his head in his hands, “This is all my fault.”

Instantly, Fenris was at his side pulling his hands away from his face.  “No, it is not.  It is theirs.  They did this to you, to all mages.  This is their reward for treating people as if they were disposable.  Do not blame yourself, the world is a better place for the rebellion you incited.  Maker knows it was sorely needed.”

“You’re too good for me.”  Anders pulled him in for a slow kiss, that turned into a steady stream of affection. 

Fenris awkwardly worked himself out of his suit jacket as he tried to maintain nibbling at Anders lips.  His arms free, he wrapped Anders up, pressing against his back to have their chests collide.  Hot breaths with throaty groans were followed by more passionate open mouthed kissing.  Anders loved the thin shirts Fenris wore, it was easy for his hands to travel over the soft fabric and feel the taut muscles beneath. 

It had taken weeks for them to rebuild the intimacy they once had.  After four months, they were tip-toeing ever so much closer to the point of going beyond where they had ever dared to before.  Each day was a tease for Anders.  His body wanted it, craved it like a withering plant climbing to find the sun, he needed it to breathe life into his weary soul. 

Kissing.  Tasting.  Eager touches through clothes.  This was a dance they paced out nearly every day, their bodies entwining, fingers grasping, until – until Fenris pulled back.  Each day, he always pulled back.

Except today.

Fenris bit the tip of his earlobe, a husky whisper played in his ear.  “Do you want me?”

“Please, take me.  I want you.  Always.”

Fenris swung his leg over Anders’ waist, his heart practically leapt from his chest.  Fenris bent down to continue feasting on Anders tongue as his rocked his hips against Anders’.

They moaned in unison as the hardness of their erections touched through the clothing.  Fenris bit Anders lips then said, “You know not how long I have waited for you to say that.  However, the timing-“

“Papa?  Papa?  Are you home?”  Malcolm shouted blindly to the apartment.

At the first shout, Fenris jumped out of the bed, hastily straightening his clothing.  Anders thought he’d be frustrated or upset.  Instead, Fenris sported a beautiful smile, like a child admiring birthday presents. 

“As I said, timing.  One moment.”

The moment turned into twenty minutes since the boys’ requests were never quick nor simple.  Anders assumed the moment was lost and decided to get out of bed as well. 

He became even more curious when the apartment doorbell rang.  Drawn to the noise, he found Fenris holding a box with one hand and shutting the door on a delivery man.

“Somewhat late for mail isn’t it?” 

Fenris looked at the box, “Special delivery it says.  It’s addressed to the boys.”  He carted the box to the playroom then returned with the briefcase he’d left in Anders’ room.  “Come.  There is something I want to show you.”

Anders plopped down next to Fenris on the living room couch as the elf pulled a tablet out of the briefcase.  “Remember our first date when you cheered me up?”

Chuckling, Anders rubbed his temple at the long-forgotten memory.  “I hadn’t thought on it in a while.  Yes, I found a singing kitten for you.”

“I was on Facebook and found a page that reminds me of you.”  He opened the app to the desired page and immediately Anders sighed with an adoring _aww_ as pictures of a precious cat tiled the screen. 

Fenris scoffed, but was lighthearted.  “Look at this, a whole page just for a pet.  Can you believe how ridiculous this is?”

Anders took hold of the tablet and skimmed through all the sweet pictures.  “It isn’t that silly.  Don’t be such a grouch, many people see pets as an extension of their family.”

Fenris made a disgusted noise.  “Honestly.  One would think there were better things to be done than spend hours photographing an animal.”

“Oh, there aren’t that many.  Wait, what?”  At first Anders hadn’t paid any attention to the background but soon there were recognizable shots from inside the apartment.  “What is this?”

His hands shook from excitement but he didn’t dare to ask if the cat were actually theirs.  “Please tell me this isn’t a joke.  Fenris, just answer me, I’m dying from anticipation.”

“As am I.”  Fenris swallowed hard, stress showing through his normal calm.  He scrolled to the last page which showed the twins holding the kitten with a handwritten note:

WILL YOU MEOW-RRY ME?

“You’re not serious.  This can’t be real.”  All he wanted was a fucking cat but this?  Out of the blue?  The sweetest most amazing proposal ever?  He was shocked beyond belief, beyond rational thought. 

Anders exploded into tears when Fenris fell to one knee.  “Anders, Champion of the Magi, defender of civil rights, you possess strengths and qualities that I would be proud to see in my children.  The love you put in to caring for this family and I want to make you a part of it so that I may return your love.  Please, say you will allow me to make you a father to adoring children and a husband to a smitten man.  Will you marry me?”

Following the motion of Fenris’ hand, Anders found the twins staring at him with hopeful smiles.  Each suppressing tiny giggles.  Malcolm held a bouquet of flowers, Iovro held a box with a ring. 

“Yes! Yes!  Yes!”  Anders pummeled Fenris to the floor hugging and crying all at once. 

The boys jumped up and shouted with excitement.

And then the distinct _clink_ of ring hitting the floor made everyone freeze in their tracks. 

Luckily, a quick search found the ring and Fenris claimed the honor of slipping it over Anders’ finger. 

Anders thanked him with a deep kiss, then held him close. “You have seen a glimpse of what being with a rebel mage means.  Are you sure this is what you want?”

“The world be damned.  Without you, I would never have known that I could love again.”  Fenris hesitated, then smiled so deep, Anders became lost in his eyes.  “You do not replace Marian, as I know I do not replace Karl.  What we have is different, but it is love all the same.”

Malcolm poked his head closer, “So, does that mean you are getting married for real this time?”

Anders answered over his shoulder, wholly unable to peel his eyes away from Fenris, the moment was too good to be true.  “Yes, sweet one.  Yes, we are.”

A new wave of energy struck the boys and they began to run wildly around the apartment, chanting together, “We have a mom!  We have a mom!”

 


	12. Epilogue (NSFW)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A honeymoon at last

Another two months passed before Cullen and Carver were able to handle the proceedings without Fenris or Anders being present.  Two months before Fenris could follow up on his promise.  However, Anders was thankful for the time to find a ring to bestow to his love from his own savings. 

There was still a great deal of work that needed to be done, but Fenris demanded they take advantage of the lull, file for their license, and honeymoon on a cruise.  Anders discovered he adored Fenris meticulous nature, especially when he found a cruise that allowed children, but had a full schedule of activities that kept them away from the cabin during the day. 

Sitting on the private balcony staring at the sunlight glittering over the calm sea.  He fluffed his damp hair then picked up the last pastry from the breakfast tray.  The boys would be gone for six hours and he and Fenris already spent the first one enjoying a quiet meal. 

“Are you ready?”  Fenris’ voice called from within.  He’d excused himself earlier, claiming he want to do some preparation before they - well, ‘did it’.  Anders couldn’t believe they’d held back this long.  Both had been willing, but timing and circumstances hadn’t presented them with a good opportunity until now.

Walking into the room, Anders wished he could take a picture.  The pillows were piled high against the headboard then a towel suggestively placed in the center where someone’s rear would end up.  On the bedside table sat a bowl with warm water and a few hand towels.  The other table sat an assortment of lubes and massage oils, even two bottles of water.  Fenris stood by the bed, a deck of note cards in hand.

“Afraid you’ll forget to enjoy yourself?”  Anders teased.

“I am deciding how you shall debauch me.” 

Their flirting had been so second nature and lustful that Anders had forgotten that Fenris had never been with a man before.  Making an effort to keep the mood light, Anders came at him from behind, pressing his bare chest against Fenris’ plush robe.  He pressed kisses into Fenris’ neck, “Are they naughty pictures?”

“No.”  Fenris paused, then sighed.  “I have no idea what I’m doing.”

Twirling him around, Anders plucked the cards out of his hands and set them on the side table.  “We’ll do whatever feels right for you.  The whole point of this is to feel good.  Those will be there if you need them, but trust me, I don’t want to do anything unless you’re comfortable.”

Fenris nodded then took a deep breath.  Releasing it, he commanded, “Take your clothes off.”

It wasn’t hard to tell that it was difficult for him to ask, so Anders kept his snarky comment to himself, and did as asked.  He pushed his boxers down slowly, letting the elastic band catch on his cock so that it sprang upward when he pushed them too low.  Keeping his eyes on Fenris, he chuckled when the elf’s expression went from interest to a hum of appreciation. 

“Like something you see?”

“All these months…”  Fenris moved to touch and Anders stepped forward to encourage him.  Anders knew the feel of Fenris’ fingers, the strength in his grasp down to the smell of his hand soap, yet nothing compared to the way he touched him now. 

Anders sucked air in through his teeth as soft fingers landed on his hips, pressing into the skin then trailing downward.  His leg quivered uncontrollably which brought out a small laugh from Fenris.

“Anxious, are we?”

“It’s been awhile since I’ve been with someone.”  Anders confessed.

Looking down, it was tempting to swing his cock at Fenris’ beautiful grin, “At least in that we are on equal footing.”

Fenris’ hands continued to roam around Anders’ naughty bits, clawing at his inner thighs up to cradle his sac. 

His knees buckled and Fenris became braver.  “I want to taste it.”

“Yes, oh Maker, anything, I’m yours.” 

His heart was racing and it took all of his will power to keep his hands to himself.  He watched with rapt attention as Fenris stuck his tongue out, flicking it over the tip of his prick.  A pause.  Then another swipe of his tongue, this time longer, the added pressure moving his hard as steel erection but not providing it the rough friction he craved. 

Teasing, Fenris did no more than lap at the tip.  Over and over, his eyes looking up at Anders as the mage panted with lusty need.  In time, Anders broke and reached for himself.

“No.  Only me.”

“I can’t take it anymore.  You’re killing me.”  Anders begged. 

“On the bed then.” 

Ander leapt at the directive.  He situated himself squarely on the blanket which earned him an appreciative nod.  Fenris bypassed the side of the bed and chose to crawl up from the foot.  He took pleasure in pushing Anders’ legs apart as he moved to fill the void. 

He reached over to snare a bottle of lube.  With a slick hand, he pressed at the base of Anders’ cock then slid his hand down to massage his taint.  Adding to the blissful sensation, he took Anders tip in his mouth, sucking delightfully.  Slowly, the circles he made with his hands inched lower and lower until they were tracing his asshole.  He pressed harder with each pass, testing, wedging, until he finally worked a finger inside.

Excitement sent Anders heart shooting through his throat, he had to take great gulps of air to process the glorious sensation.  “Don’t stop, _oh fuck, yes._ ”

Fenris probed and pushed until he found Anders’ sweet spot.  Then he attacked without mercy.  The second he realized what he’s found, he deep throated Anders, who yelled in surprise.  His cock slammed into the back of his throat _and kept going._   It wedged ever deeper into the tight, soft flesh of his throat.  Fenris swallowed twice and Anders thought he was going to lose his mind. 

A second finger joined the first, prying him wider and pressing against that bundle of nerves that sent Anders’ head spinning.  He bucked up wildly and Fenris grabbed hold of his thigh, directing him to wrap them around his head.  Anders’ heels dug into Fenris’ back as he moved with the stokes of the elf’s nimble fingers. 

Losing his composure, he roughly grabbed Fenris by the hair and pulled is face off his cock.  The second he was free, thick globs of drool dripped from Fenris’ mouth which he left hanging open.  He squeezed his legs tighter to have Fenris gum at his balls, all while still maintaining the gentle strokes over his prostate.  It was amazing to feel a tug from the suck and a push from his fingers.  His hips swayed with the motion, bucking up against his lover.  His husband.

They were married.  They were bound to one another.

_We can do this again, and again, and again…_

He rocked harder and the hums and groans from Fenris intensified, adding vibrations to his already over sensitized body. 

“More, fuck.  Don’t stop, take it, shit.  _Oh, shit._ ”  His desperate pleas caught in this throat, he had to force them out as he clawed into the sheets.

Fenris’ thumb rubbed delicious circles over his taint – Anders could swear it made a taste pop to the roof of his mouth.  Long fingers stroked him from the inside while Fenris squeezed his tip with the muscles of his throat.  All of it combined made Anders feel as if his dick grew six inches longer. 

Arching his back, he managed to pry even deeper into Fenris’ mouth.  When Fenris clutched his thigh and pushed forward to encourage the motion, Anders began to moan with abandon as his climbed rapidly to his peek.  He didn’t fight it, knowing it would be impossible. 

Enthusiastically, Fenris sucked, prodded and fondle in a perfect rhythm that soon sent Anders howling in release.  It was sudden, no warning at all and as he came, Fenris kept going, _holy fuck_ , he didn’t stop, drawing out every drop.  Goosebumps swept over his arms and he watched as his lover, his husband finally slowed down.

Anders melted into the bed, convulsions rippled through his limbs.  “Andraste preserve me, I thought you’d keep going until you sucked the marrow from my spine.  I think I’m dead.  Yeah, I’m definitely dead.”  Anders moved a few pillows to look over his chest at Fenris.  “Is that part of your research?”   

Wiping at his mouth, Fenris smiled with pride.  “No.  One of the many reasons Marian kept me a happy man.  I assumed you would enjoy it as well.”

“I do.  I won’t lie, I literally saw stars.  You’ve ruined me.”

“I am pleased that my skills are sufficient.”

Anders laughed, “Sufficient!  Yes, there was that, but mostly it was your enthusiasm.  You were like a dog attacking a bowl of peanut butter.”  He squirmed in the sheets, reveling in how long the sensation lingered beneath his skin and swam in his skull.  “Oh, fuck, it was amazing.”

At the edge of the bed, Fenris grabbed at himself, sighing sweetly when he stroked his cock.  Flopping a limp arm at him, Anders offered, “I may be a wreck but I would welcome a nice fuck.  I took care of all the prep in the shower before breakfast.”

Anders noticed he hesitated, then chuckled.  “I won’t be offended if you want to wash up a little.”

Smiling with gratitude, Fenris made a quick stop in the restroom before coming to lay at Anders’ side smelling of coconut and mint.  Anders summoned the remaining strength he had to roll over and trap Fenris beneath him.  Deep kisses discovered the lingering smell of sex and the taste of sweat and cum clinging to Fenris’ lips.  “You taste amazing.  I love it.  I love you.”

“Oh really?  Care to demonstrate?”  Fenris teased. 

“It’s actually easier with you on top.”

“Lazy mage.”  The insult held no sting as Fenris eagerly switched positions.

Once again, Fenris was liberal with the lube at Anders direction.  “You’ve already loosened me up, but I won’t mind if you take it slow.”

Fenris lined himself up and with the help of his hand, pressed his cock’s head against Anders’ pucker.  It felt good, sating even, but Anders was consumed with watching the range of reactions playing out on Fenris’ face.  It like watching a teen have sex for the first time.  Uncertainty, curiosity, enjoyment, then intense pleasure.

Seated balls deep, Fenris remained still, only making a few slight movement as if testing the temperature of the water. 

“Does my ass do it for you?”  Anders said it with an amused lilt, however, he mentally prepared himself just in case Fenris didn’t like it in the least.

“It is…roomy.”  When Anders burst into laughter, Fenris was quick to amend.  “It feels good, but it’s different.”

“Well, my ass isn’t one giant muscle meant to push out a kid.”  Anders bucked his hips a little, pulling a sweet moan from Fenris.  “So, you going to fuck me speechless or am I going to have to talk you through every little bit?”

One quick, hard thrust out and back in was the only answer given.  Anders loved the feel of a steel-hard erection crammed into his tight ass, but the greatest pleasure he found was the systematic way Fenris went through a litany of positions, angles and speed.  He listened attentively to the sounds Anders made and when he began to combine moves.  _Oh!_   Anders was putty.

A pillow propped in the small of his back with Fenris jerking him off was the winner.  It seemed to hit both of their kinks and wanton desires perfectly. 

Fenris took up a rapid pace, Anders knew he had to be close.  “C’mon, nut, fucking nut in me.  I want to turn me into your dirty little slut.” 

In seconds, Fenris came to a sudden stop and his body was wracked with tremors as he shot his load in Anders.  Near the end of his orgasm, he rocked forward and idly stroked Anders. 

“ _Kaffas!_   Did you cum again?”  Fenris looked at his fingers which were coated in the clear fluid.

“I did?  I did.  Wow.”

Fenris dipped a cloth in the warm water on the nightstand to clean up the both of them before curling into bed. 

“You tired?”  Anders wondered.

“Not particularly, but I like resting next to you.” 

“I was offered an administrative position at the new Circle.”

Startled, Fenris sat up, “What?”

“I meant to tell you earlier, but I was, I don’t know.  Worried how you might react.”

“Surprised, perhaps.  Although I may be partial, I can’t imagine anyone who would be better suited.”

Anders kissed him on the nose before Fenris lay back down.  “I’m probably the only mage you know.”

“At least the twins will be able to attend a Circle under your excellent guidance.  They will enjoy meeting other children.”

Anders smacked himself on the forehead, “Oh, no.  You know what this will mean don’t you?  I’ll have to work all day, which means beyond the normal class hours.”

Fenris was already chuckling, “Are you saying we are in need of a new nanny?”


End file.
